its so hard for me to stay strong. its so very frustrating..... with every passing day the guilt inside me just magnifies a notch higher....... i feel burdened , hopeless and most of all worthless.
i want to make my mom proud of me just the way i am of her.
you people may think that this is the fault of my parents that they have pressurized me so much that i have the fear of failing....
but its not that......
to say the truth i have no family as such. my pops has another wife and me and my mom is just another commodity for him... i know this should make me hate him. but i dont.but its not that i love him either. its simply that i dont want to spend the precious moments of my life hating him...
i wonder why mom did not divorce him?
i think its was because of me. i mean she has a good job, a fat paycheck, she is good at her work and she heads her department.......
and most importantly she knows that my pops does not love her....... she knows that her marriage was a mistake. she knows that her decision to rebel against her family that too for such a man was her life`s worst mistake.........
i dont understand how could a person be so self-less as my mum. i mean she never ever did anything for herself.. only looked after me and my needs. sent me to a good school, never indulged in her desires, and worked hard to ensure she could fund for my education without begging others for financial help.
the more i think , the more i feel myself sinking in despair...
what did i do to deserve her?