The Awkward Silence

Trusted Friend No.1:

Me : "May be I should consult a psychiatrist and get counselled" I blurted out with the hope of talking to him.

Him : "Maybe you should".

Awkward Silence.

Trusted Friend No. 2 :

Me : "I am not liking the new city. What if I never get adjusted to this place.?" I hoped he would talk to me.

Him : "I don't know".

Me : " I have noticed that you have been reluctant to talk with me lately. What is the matter? "

Him : "Well, Now that you asked, I am just repulsed by people like you."

Me : "What? Don't you know that such a statement hurts the other person?"

Him : "Yes. But you asked."

Awkward Silence.

Trusted Friend No. 3

Me : "I feel kind of lonely. My friends refuse to talk to me. May be they are busy but surely they can spare a few minutes for me" I told her.

The friend who was enraged by some thing or some one else bursted out " Friendship means nothing to girls. That is why it doesn't last long".

Awkward Silence.
j
Mom & Dad during the daily telephone call ritual :

Mom : " Every night, I feel so scared. You are staying alone in a strange new city".

Me : " It is all right, mom. I just want to focus on my college applications and higher studies."

Dad: "Every Parent has a duty towards his/her child. The society will blame the parents if girls are not married at right time. It is not possible for us to wait for a long time."

Me : " I want to study and I haven't even turned 25 yet."

Dad: " It has been 2 years now. And you still haven't got an admission. If not this year, then we will look for proposals."

Awkward Silence.

Office During Lunch Break :

Colleague No. 1 : None of the proposals are working out. I told my parents that it is okay even if the guy is 30-35.

Me : But, you are only 25.

Colleague No. 1 : "Well, My Parents are so sad that I am the only one among my friends who is still unmarried."

Colleague No. 2 : " But now, Did you finish all the documents for this week's deadline? You seem to be quite free."

Me (Trying hard not to let the frustration to be projected in her voice and face) : " Yeah. After all, my job just has the designation 'Engineer', when it is actually just a clerical job. "

Colleague No. 3 : " It is all just dirty politics. Stay here for another 4 years and you will learn everything. "

Awkward Silence.

On the Bed at night :

Me (To myself) : "My life has been filled with many awkward silences. I don't have an answer to fill it with. A failed career, a set of disappointed parents and a group of busy, no-time-for-you, I-am-busy-always friends. There ends my social, family and work life. Tell me, what shall I do now?"

The Other Me : "Awkward Silences, I see. Do you know when will the most awkward silence spread?"

Me : " Mmm... I can only think of one. When death swoops us on our feet and give that final kiss.

The Other Me : " Aah, you have romanticised death."

Me : "Remember Rhett Butler from "Gone with the Wind. He knew Scarlett would come around, forget about the supposed 'Love of her Life' Ashley and come to his arms. "

The Other Me : " What is your point ?"

Me : " Death knows, he is the one. We will forget about all the other love of our lives and run into his arms one day. "

The Other Me : " But Rhett left her. This is not a good analogy. "

Me : " May not be. But you got my point. "

The Other Me : " Which is?"

Me : " I want to run into my Rhett's arms. All the pain will go away then. "

The Other Me : " Like throwing yourself under a truck? "

Me : " Or jumping off a cliff or drowning in the lake or hanging from the ceiling. "

The Other Me : " Or jumping off the apartment terrace."

Me : " What? "

The Other Me : " Let us face the fact. Days are becoming worse. Nights unbearable. Let us get out of this. Let us see if the kiss of death is as beautiful as we thought it would be.".

Me : " Jumping off the terrace. "

The Other Me : " Into the arms of Death "

As I walked up the stairs, my heart pounded with excitement. It was a windy night. I felt his presence. He is here. He is finally going to hold me in his arms and I will nestle against his chest. I will sleep today with no worries. As I climbed up the parapet wall, I could see him, his hands wide open, a smile spread across his face. He was handsome. I flew into his arms. He held me tightly and whispered " I got you, sweetheart. I am here. Now go to sleep". And I slept as the awkward silence prevailed over my lifeless body.