How can you change a mistake which you wrote the day you opened your eyes. How can you tell them that a mistake they had made, wasn't your fault
How can you make them look, glance up at your broken eyes, how can you make a maker understand the pain? well you can't. make them.do that.
Change is what they brought. They don't have to understand anything.
They understood the terms when they signed you away, when they walked away with a care-free spirit and a promise to never see you again.
They never knew how precious you were, how beautiful you were, wrapped in the blanket and in the arms of one who were to bare a broken life. Broken heart, broken promise. Broken soul which would have no words to tell to you why he left. No words, just pain and constant sight of misery to yet...to come.
No words...just pain and a life guilt, not on them but on you.
Why did he leave? Was it even fair, that he didn't even get to see you, to hold you?
WAS it even fair that what he did...never to face the consequence of regret? Curiosity of who you are to become? What were you to be when you grow older?
How would you look walking down your graduation day. No words were spoken, just the steps of his legacy to bare the life long questions, as to why were you born. Were you born only to be a mistake...
Were you born to only be stabbed by needles of shame, needles of egony of questions.
Why were you born if he walked away?!
You grow up being told that it isn't your fault he left, he was a man with no thought, no thought of how precious you are to everyone. Everyone you meet, you make an impact on their lives. So what was so "walk away from" bad about? was it because you were born a difference then what he expected?
Was it because you couldn't unhold the family name he requested? or was it because he simply cared less of your existence...Doesn't he even have some curious thought about who you are, where you are, and how you are doing? Does he even want to ever see you?
Little does he know that you can do better then be the shadow he only sees in the midst of the darkest street, you are the light he walked away from on the day you were born.
You keep searching for answers, the answers as to why he left. Who he is, where he may be...and if he ever wondered about you. You do better being a light then the dark shadow which only appears in the darkest corners, when one is down. You are the light which shines bright even if the surroundings are much brighter then you, you keep hoping that one day you will meet him. You will meet the person who was suppose to be your father. the one who gave you up. the one that broken your mothers heart. the one who didn't see how much pain was caused, as you cried when your mother was not herself. When your mother was never the same. You want to try, you want to do anything it takes to find him, anything that will give you answers. Anything that will ease your heart and be at peace with. Anything to know that you were never UNWANTED.