HIM: Hello.
SHE: Oh hey! What are you doing here?
Location: Fix Coffee, Echo Park, Los Angeles.
HIM: I am…was...just in the neighborhood…saw you…thought I’d say hi.
SHE: Oh! Hi.
SHE smiles, which makes HIM smile.
HIM: Actually, I wanted to ask you a question.
SHE: Sure, what is it?
HIM: See, the thing is, I want to ask you something, but I can't figure out the best way to say it.
SHE: Okay…(intrigued)
HIM: So here's what I'll do - I'll tell you what I want to ask you, and before you answer, I want to you think about it.
SHE: Okay…(confused)
HIM: Okay? Here's my question: would you like to have lunch with me?
SHE: O..
SHE stops talking, clearly the “okay” ran out a little too early.
HIM: As you can see, even though it's quite a simple question, it's not the easiest thing to ask someone who you don't know very well. Because clearly it looks like I'm asking you out on a date. Just out of the blue. Directly. No small talk. Would you like to sit down?
They sit down at the nearest table.
SHE: Well, a little small talk…(laughs anxiously)
HIM: (not listening, speaking quickly) So when I thought about it, I realized that this is ridiculous and sudden, and you probably have no reason to say yes. So then I thought, what if I help you think about this decision, so that you might be inclined to say yes?
SHE: You mean, that instead of me thinking it over in my head, you’d like to do that work for me?
HIM: Well, sort of, see I made a list…(reaches for his jacket pocket)
SHE: A list?
HIM: Well, yeah. (still fiddling with the contents of his jacket pocket)
SHE: And this list…did you write it down?
HIM: (retracts his hand from his jacket pocket) What? No! Of course I didn’t write it down. That would be...
SHE: …crazy?
SHE smiles, and that makes HIM smile.
HIM: Yes.
SHE: So tell me about this...list.
HIM: Okay, right. So here’s what I thought. In order to help you make this decision, I should first tell you why I’m asking the question in the first place.
SHE: That…makes sense. Probably the first thing that makes sense so far.
HIM: Okay. Reason number one. Ever since we met at your friend Anna’s party last month, I’ve had a big crush on you.
SHE: Well, that’s a very nice thing to hear.
HIM: And…wait...no…that’s a lie.
SHE: So you didn’t have a crush on me? That’s really not a nice thing to hear, especially after hearing the exact opposite. It’s worse than not finding out at all actually...
HIM: No, the lie is that I had the crush since last month. I’ve actually had a crush on you since high school.
SHE: High school? You never spoke to me in high school.
HIM: Exactly! I can’t for the life of me figure out why I didn’t. Because I thought you were just perf…(realizes he’s coming on too strong)...amazing...and now, after all these years, we bump into each other, I just can’t think of a reason why I shouldn’t at least try to get to know you.
SHE: Okay.
HIM: Okay, what?
SHE: That is a good reason. But I’m guessing you wrote…(smiles) I mean “thought of” more reasons.
HIM: Yeah, kinda. Two more.
SHE: Continue. (waves to the barista, gestures her to refill her emptying coffee cup)
HIM: Okay. Reason two. In school, you were one of the nicest, sweetest, most genuine people. And when I met you again last month, you were still the same! Something that scientifically should be an anomaly given how real life usually works. Everyone has a fake persona, an outer layer that's almost always slighter nicer and sweeter than what they actually are underneath. But you were different. So I wanted to fix the fact that I didn’t stay in touch with you, because you seemed like a good friend to have.
SHE: Ah. It’s good to be seen like that…even from afar. What’s reason three?
HIM: Well, there isn’t much logic in this reason: I have a good and positive feeling about this. And I like to go with my gut when something feels like the right thing to do.
SHE: Hmm..you know for a guy…and please don’t be offended by this…for a guy who didn’t have enough confidence to just ask me out with a simple question…you sure seem confident enough to say that thing you just said.
HIM: Oh, didn’t I mention it? I’m a writer now.
SHE: Really? That’s amazing! I remember some of the stuff you used to post in college on facebook, it was good.
HIM: You read my stories?
SHE: I did.
HIM: I didn’t know that.
SHE: And I didn’t know you’ve had a crush on me for 10 years. We’re both surprising each other today.
HIM: I suppose so.
SHE: You look like you have more in your head that you need to say.
HIM: I do...
SHE: Out with it. (sarcastically) I need all the information I can get in order to make this crucial, life-changing decision.
HIM: Okay, now, I figured that you also have your own reasons to say no, which is completely understandable. So I made a list of that too.
SHE: haha! Of course you did. How many reasons on this one?
HIM: …five.
SHE: Alright. Well, that’s more than the numbers of reasons you gave for why you wanted to ask me. Based on numbers alone you don’t sound that optimistic about the outcome of this. (pauses) Okay then, give them all in one go. I won’t interject.
HIM: Okay. One - You’re simply not interested. Two - You would have said yes if it was just a simple question rather than a long speech such as this. But now that you’ve heard this, it’s a no. (SHE laughs) Three - You have a boyfriend or fiancé or complicated relationship situation. Four - We don’t know each other that well, so why would you ever agree to a blind date? Too risky. And Five - Anything else.
SHE: Wow. I almost understood this whole situation now.
HIM: See, if it’s #1, #3, or #5, I’m out of luck, and you may just say the number right now, and nothing else, and I’ll walk away. If it’s 2, then well, it’s better that you said no because this whole long-and-ridiculous-and-unwanted speech to say something simple is just part of who I am, and if you don’t like it now you definitely will hate it at a later stage. So good call saying no now. But I think #4 is the only one that can realistically be changed to a ‘yes’. Of course you’re allowed to take your own risks for your own reasons. I mean, it’s just a date, right? Worst case we mark it as a one-time thing and go back to living our own lives independently.
SHE: You make some very good points. But here’s what I think - this wouldn't be a textbook blind date. Usually blind dates are when people set up their friends who’ve never met. And usually all they know about the other person is the basics - age, looks, job, sanity level on a scale of 1 to 10. In our case, we know the basics. So if you think of it this way, this isn’t really a blind date. It’s just a date where instead of going through a friend, you’re asking me directly.
HIM: ...
SHE: What? Did I say something wrong?
HIM: No…you actually said something…that I was going to say, but after what you said it won't make much sense...
SHE: Oh no. Don’t tell me…you have a name for this whole thing…don’t you?
HIM: (proudly, and instantly embarrassed) I call it 'The Blind Date Experiment’. See, even if you know what the other person looks like, in a first date, you're always walking in blind. You have no idea what's in store, what the person will be like, what they'll make you feel, what you'll find attractive or unattractive...
SHE: Wait wait wait...so this is an experiment? I’m just a test subject?
HIM: No! That is just what I call it. So that in case it doesn’t work, I can write it off as a writing experiment.
SHE: Ahhh, like a field study where you do some research in the real world to showcase how unrealistic modern romance really is when compared to books and movies.
HIM: Something like that. Actually, exactly like that.
SHE: It’s clever.
HIM: It’s a survival mechanism.
SHE: So is that it? The end of your experiment?
HIM: I…yeah, I suppose so.
SHE: So now can I answer? Shall we lay out the results?
HIM is quiet.
SHE: What’s wrong? Did you change your mind? Do you want to retract the question?
HIM: No…look…I can’t do this. I shouldn’t.
SHE: What do you mean?
HIM: I can never say this to you. The truth is I don’t know you. We went to the same high school where we barely spoke to each other and then we didn’t see each other for six years. And now after chatting with you at a party for twenty minutes I just come to you and give you this long speech, making it your responsibility to acknowledge it and respond…it’s all so…you didn’t ask for this.
SHE: Yes, but...
HIM: You don’t know me. You were having a regular day, and up comes this guy out of nowhere. And if you’re a decent person, you’ll have to acknowledge it and respond. And sure, you could find it cute and charming, but that’s not real. As much as I try to make it, this isn’t normal. I can’t do this. I’m not allowed to do this. As a grown man I’m supposed to be logical and have common sense. There is no way you or anyone could live up to the romanticized version of you that I create in my head.
SHE is quiet. Neither speak for a good minute.
SHE: So according to you, if you don’t take this risk and ask me a simple question, even though you gave a whole monologue-ly description to accompany your simple question, then I don’t have to make the effort of thinking about it, and evaluating my own risk? That if you didn’t come up to me and say hi today, we could just continue to be two people who exist in this whole who kinda sorta knew each other a bit but never tried to change their reality? You really think real life isn’t worth taking even a small risk sometimes, even though some day you just might get the outcome you’ve always hoped for? Is that what you’re saying?
HIM: (slightly confused) Uhm, I’m sorry I didn’t catch all of that. I was not expecting a long speech from your end.
SHE: Hah. You should expect more from other people. We might surprise you.
HIM: I suppose so.
SHE: Look. The world you’re living in right now…as much as it tells you that it’s the real world, that it’s the one really in charge, it’s not. That world is still in your head. You know the difference between this pseudo-world in your head and the actual world outside it? In the pseudo-world, you’re told everyday that you’re not in charge. That even if you got to be in charge for a little bit, the controls will be taken from you. Even worse, the outcomes will never be in your favor. So it manipulates you to just live with it. Just learn to live with it. But in this real world - the world outside your line of vision - this world is made by people who escape the pseudo-world. You can be here. Right now. You can live in the world you want to live in. Just take the risk. Say the thing. Ask the question. Anything. Whatever you want. Because if you don’t say something, no one around you will ever know that you had something to say. Just say it. And you just might change something. Your words just might cause something. Your actions just might create something new that didn’t exist before. The pseudo-world can’t handle that. It’s not built for anomalies. For risk-takers. It can't understand you, so it'll just reject you and throw you into the real world. That’s where you belong. Just get out of there. Get out of that world and into this world and just…do something.
After a few moments...
HIM: You know…I had another name for this...
SHE: Really? Something better than 'The Blind Date Experiment'? Because I don’t know if you can top that...(extremely sarcastically)
HIM: 'The Abnormal, Illogical, Nonsensical, Unrealistic Question.'
SHE: That’s…better. But anything is better than that boring title you had. (starts laughing)
HIM: You know we still have a problem. This isn’t real. You’re not real.
SHE: Correction. We had a problem. Now we have a solution.
HIM: I…understand?
SHE: Look, you smart idiot. Now that you’ve told me all of this, you don’t need to do this whole speech again. Now you understand. And SHE might look as pretty and attractive and nice and sweet and adorable as me, but I’m sure she is equally smart. And probably smarter than you. (looks at her reflection in the glass opposite her) Correction: definitely smarter than you.
HIM: So I should just ask her?
SHE: Yes! Ask her! Say those five or six or seven words and get this weight lifted off of you. Let her do her own thinking! Because if you think so much, imagine so much (points at her herself and the area around them), you’ll never say it. You’ll just fix yourself a permanent place in your little pseudo-world and never leave, but still talk and dream about leaving. You'll become trapped in your own words. That’s pointless. Useless. And then she’ll just be another stranger that you almost knew and almost asked out and almost fell in love with and almost had a happy and beautiful life with. Because until you ask her, she’s just another stranger in this world.
HIM: But what if she says no?
SHE: Then giving her a longer speech wouldn’t turn her answer into a yes. Because if she really is worth it...this whole mirage (dramatically gestures to their surroundings), then she’ll say yes even before you finish your question.
HIM: And if she says no, will you still be here?
SHE: Think about this - if she says yes, will you ever need me again?
SHE gets up from her chair.
HIM: (still sitting down, without looking at her) You really think she might be worth it?
SHE takes her right hand and holds up his face to look at her.
SHE: Oh, you sweet, dumb boy. I don’t know! And neither does she. So go…find out.
SHE walks away, and disappears.
HIM is back where he started - outside the coffee shop.
He sees her inside. The real her.
He walks in. He taps her shoulder.
HIM: Hello!
SHE turns around, recognizes HIM, and there is an instant smile on her face.
SHE smiles, and that makes HIM smile.
SHE: Hey! It’s so good to see you again!
HIM: You too! Listen, I was just in the…(pauses) actually, I wanted to ask you a question.
SHE: Oh, sure! Do you want to get some coffee first?
SHE gestures towards the barista counter behind HIM.
HIM: (surprised, and happy) Uh…sure. Let’s get coffee. What will you have?
He smiles, and that makes her smile.