Chapter 1: A rose in the filth
The filth…
Some inspiring stories are often untold. Some histories are just a forgotten past. But in middle of these lies some greatest stories that need to be told.
The filth is in the mind. It’s not the dress that a girl wears and not the late night thing; it’s the mentality to judge a girl on these factors that is wrong. Burka or Bikini; the filth is in the mind. She is in short clothes late at night. So she is asking for it. Right? She is asking for you to have sex with her and explore her body. Right? Same way, if your head is not covered with a helmet, you are asking for a blow on it with a rod. Right?
As rape is considered a crime, so people think of the victim as a broken thing. A loser in life!
Humanity has little acceptance for loss. We don't celebrate "Loss" or "Failure" or "Grief" for that matter. You failed in an exam, you're segregated. You didn't qualify IITs/NITs; you are considered a loser in terms of your IQ. India loses a cricket match, you criticize them. The point is, how great one is, their one little loss will tag them as a "loss" or "failure" that society doesn't approve.
"Failure" or "loss" is always humiliated in the social structure.
According to Indian society, rape victims are like a broken sword in a battle which can't do anything that can matter. In start victims are consoled and all but at the end of the day, they are forgotten. Hence, the rape victim becomes a subject of humiliation because of her failure to protect herself.
The real question is- “Was it the girl’s fault that she got raped?”
NO! If there is a lot of money in a bank, it is not asking you to steal it. It’s not that you can steal the money and blame the bank that they are responsible for it as their belongings triggers the thief inside you. NO! It’s not the bank’s fault. It is you who is a robber and it is definitely you who need to change.
The equality term is biased for our society. I want to tell you this story and I promise you that you will start thinking about the definition of equality of men and women and the way you look at a girl.
The SMS…
Ashish Karn! I used to be friends with him. He was the most genius guy I ever met. He told me once that his whole career towards programming started just to impress a girl. The girl he used to talk about, her name was Thea. I had this luxury of meeting that girl once too. I have an old diary of Ashish which I have read over and over again many times and every time I end up feeling restless and numb.
It was a summer Saturday and Thea had just completed the crossword puzzle of the Saturday newspaper. She had a lot of time to spare. After a very long time she was so free so she decided to clean up his apartment and get rid of some old stuffs. Cleaning her old cupboard, she found her old cell phone that brought up all her old memories. Her curiosity let her turn on the cell phone but the battery was dead. She found out its charger and put the phone on charging. She found a digital watch inside that cupboard. Although, the watch was not working, still it automatically brought a weird smile on her face.
After few times of replaying the past, she succeeded to turn on her old cell phone which was switched off for about a year. As soon as she unlocked the keypad, few SMSes came. She started reading all of them and suddenly she was stuck on a SMS. Her entire world shattered. She was numb but her heartbeat was so fast that few more such SMS could literally have brought her heart out of her chest to the outer world.
SMS- “Heyyy. I have a picture of a girl with this number written on it. It is kind of a picture torn from the middle. It is going to sound weird but I have this feeling that I know the girl.”
The SMS was from an unknown number. Her hands were shaking and she was finding it difficult to breathe. She built up her entire courage and took out his new cell phone and dialled the number from which the SMS had come, with heavy heart and shaking hands.
Someone picked up the phone.
“Hello!” – He said.
That voice was very familiar to her ears. She broke down. Words were not coming from her mouth. She didn’t say a word and with every confused “Hello” she heard from the other side, her heartbeat elevated and her past refreshed. She panicked and was so scared that she cut the call without talking. She was just not in the condition to talk. After putting down the phone, she cried, a lot. And then the listening again to the very voice once used to be the most important to her made her very happy and the lost hope of seeing that person revived inside her again.
After an hour of struggling to call again or not, she dialled the number again but this time with a lot more courage and promise to herself to not break this time.
Someone picked up the phone and said- “Hello?”
Yup! Same voice! Same nervousness on Thea’s side! But with stammered voice, she spoke this time- “Is…Is this… A… Ashish??”
There was silence on both the side. Then the person on the other side spoke-
“I don’t know who that is. I am shwayam. But that voice of yours, I just know that voice but I don’t remember it.”
All the false hope died with that statement. He was not Ashish. He was just somebody else. Thea was feeling stupid for even considering that the voice belonged to Ashish. Now, the nervousness and all the excitement changed into sadness.
She asked- “How come you have a picture of me with my phone number on it?”
Shwayam- “Oh! You are the girl in the picture. I have this for years. I am searching you for years and finally you are introduced.”
She was a little confused, sad and angry. She cut the call. She went for a walk to clear her head but she was totally stuck with the weird conversation she had earlier.
She received a call from that number again in the evening. After 4th time of consecutive disconnecting the call, she received the call the 5th time.
She said- “It is a wrong number. Why are you calling again and again?”
Shwayam- “I know this is not a wrong number. Please don’t cut the phone. Just listen to me.”
She said, surprised- “We don’t know each other. You just have a picture of me that doesn’t mean that you know me. Just tell me how you acquired it.”
Shwayam- “It is very complicated. But I have dreams of you very often and in these dreams I call you moon and I wake up in the middle very scared.”
She was silent and her nervousness was back at the word “Moon”. She panicked and she didn’t know what to say. So like every time, she cut the call. Then she opened her contact list in her phone and dialled a number named “Tarun”. She had not talked with him since a year and was scared that the number she was dialling might had been changed. But it wasn’t. He picked up the call.
He said- “Thea?”
Thea said- “Yes! Chaurasia, How are you?”
He- “I am good. How are you?”
She wasn’t up to those formality talks. So she came right to the point. She told him about the call and gave him the number so he could find out who the hell was the person on the other side.
Talking to Tarun after such a long time made her happy. Looking in the cupboard, she found the other half of the torn picture that the guy on the phone was talking about. The picture was of Ashish with his phone number on it. She took that picture in her hand and a nurtured it with a few drops of tears.
Suddenly, Tarun called.
Tarun- “Pack up your bag! We need to go to a village in Nayagarh situated in Orissa to meet this guy.”
The Diary of Ashish…
I don’t believe in the concept of soul mates. But when I am with her I feel like she is the other half of mine. I feel like she is the last piece of puzzle without which my life is just an unfinished puzzle. Yes! I want to be with her forever.
I was never that thrilled in my entire life as the day when I first met her. It was a very different feeling seeing her the first time. For she become the rain; my wetness could last for eternity in her. For she become a disease; it would be a privilege dying suffering with her. These thoughts automatically came to my mind seeing that depressed girl in a black top and blue jeans. The second I looked at her, the whole universe changed. It was as if I just knew a deep secret of the world that no one had ever known. It was like Gautam Buddha got some kind of knowledge or peace. I realised what his story was all about in that moment. I learned the divine truth of the world in that moment. She was sitting on a wooden log in a small park like area of our college. I did not know what it was but I had never felt so good and so free in my entire life.
It was my first year in the college. I asked my friend about her.
Tarun said- “Dude, she is a senior. It is better that you don’t have erection for that girl.”
“So what, she is a senior? She is a young girl and as a young boy I have the responsibility to…”
“to have an erection?” – He interrupted.
“Bhai, I am a bad impression on you.” – I said.
When you meet friends, you greet them with “Hi”, “hello”, “how you are” etc. But that’s just too lame. According to me, your well-being is directly proportional to your erection. Your ‘little you’ is happy then you are rocking. If it is sad, you suck. So, whenever I meet friends or people of my age, I don’t greet them with lame talks but I rather ask them the most important question- “khada ho raha hai Na? (Having healthy erections?)”
Apparently, this way of greeting got famous in our college and everybody in my companion started to talk more about their ‘little them’ and erections. Within a month of college, when people passed by me, before I could ask them about their ‘little them’ and erection, they just smile and say-“ho raha hai bhai”.
It was just the 2nd month of our college. We were regular haunted by surprise ragging. One time I asked a senior about his erection. He took it offensively and made me show him my ‘little me’. Well, I had to. We had to wear formal clothes and to greet every senior with “Good morning boss/miss boss”. We were not allowed to look seniors directly in their eye till the fresher’s party. As if before the party we had this power in our eyes that could kill the seniors if we had to look directly in their eyes.
The worst part of our college was that, there were no accommodation facilities for the first year students due to some construction problems. So we had to live outside the college in kind of private hostels. The owner of the hostel was a married couple. They were weird. The lady had this problem with communication. It was like she couldn’t say things properly. She used to ask us- “beta tune thana tha liya?” How can she expect not to be laughed at on this way of talking? I laughed, every fucking time and her husband scolded me, every fucking time with some harsh words which were something to do with not respecting the elders and I heard them and forgot them, every fucking time. After few days, she stopped saying anything in front of me. But one day she asked my dear friend Tarun- “beta tune thana tha liya?”
I was right behind her. I tried controlling my laughter. But fuck! I couldn’t. How can somebody? I laughed the fuck out of me. Her husband came.
“You pig! I have warned you many times. Don’t you know how to treat your elders? I want you out of my hostel.” – He said.
He was screaming. Well, that was not scaring me but was making me laugh harder. But somehow, I controlled my laughter. Right then he commented something ugly about my parents parenting me. When anybody talked about my parents, it just hit me real hard. Laughter and smiles, all were gone. Few drops of tears roll down through my cheek and I just ran to my room.
After an hour, there was a knock on the door. I opened up. It was Tarun.
Tarun asked- “Hey! Are you all right?”
“Yeah! I am fine. Who does he think he is? Khada to hota hai nahi.”
“I am pretty sure that he does have an erection as he has a daughter.” – Tarun said.
“She may be his neighbour’s.”
“Nope, I have seen her. She is as ugly as he is. Anyway, he is not going to kick you out of the hostel.”
“He better not.”
That erection quote had a very diverse use. For example, when someone was sad they just say “khada hona band ho gaya (my erection has stopped.)” or when they are too excited and happy they say “boht bada khada hai (my erected thing is quite huge)” or when they are angry at someone they say “He doesn’t have an erection” or when they are I-am-going-to-kill-you angry they say “Erection? He doesn’t even have ‘the thing’”. Well, that was the diversity of this erection thing.
After that little incident I stopped laughing at her wife.
When I joined the college, I got this hostel with a single room. Single room was my first preference. Well, I could masturbate anytime I want; I could walk in my room naked whenever I want. I loved living alone. Single rooms are awesome.
The next day that I moved in the hostel, I needed someone to ask about the different routes of the city. So I went inside the room of the guy next door. The room was open but he was nowhere. I heard some disturbing noises from the bathroom. I entered and there he was. Pants down, hands on ‘his thing’ and eyes glued on some nasty porn in his phone. His face seemed super weird. That was his ‘cum’ face.
He shouted- “Get out! Get out, you idiot.”
Well, that’s how I first met Tarun. After an hour, he came to my room.
He said- “Don’t you dare talk about that incident to anybody. Are you insane? Can’t you knock or something?”
“Hey! Don’t worry man. That thing never happened. I am totally going to forget this.” – I assured.
“You better.”
“I am sorry. I evaded your privacy. If it will make you feel any better, I will show you ‘my thing’ or even masturbate in front of you though you are not pretty enough to give me an erection.”
“Well, it is fine now. By the way, I am Tarun Kumar Chaurasia.”
“I am Ashish. So, ‘Khada ho raha h?’” – I said.
“What?!”
“I mean, is everything good with you? That is just my version of asking about your well-being.” – I explained.
“So the way you saw it, wasn’t it fucking erect?”
“But you just asked me to forget that.”
“Leave it. You sick.” – He angrily said.
He left. I shut the door. Well, God works in his mysterious way. After 15 minutes, there was a knock. I opened up. It was him again.
He said- “We have to live across the hall for I don’t know how much time. So, it is better that there must be nothing awkward between us.”
“I agree. So what do you propose?” – I asked.
“I am willing to consider your offer of letting me show your thing.”
“What? Dude, I was just joking.”
“I am not. Let us go inside in my bathroom and show me your thing the way you saw mine.”
I agreed. I guess being ashamed was not my thing. I showed him my thing and strangely after that day, we became buddies; thing buddies. We promised never to do that seeing thing again. Tarun was the kind of guy that if you hit hard in his head, he wouldn’t go crazy instead he would go normal.
The real excitement of being in the college started when I saw that girl sitting on the wooden log. Right between 12:30 pm to 1:30 pm, she used to sit there alone and just read. I watched her that way for around a month.
“Yaar, whenever I see her I fall in love with her.” – I said.
“You say this about every girl you see. Well, I am in love with her too.” – Tarun said.
“Saaley, Bhabhi hai tumhari.” – I said.
That was the thing about me. I used to say it about every girl- “I am in love with her.”
“This is different from other times. I mean, she just kind of light me up not like the sun, not that much lighting. Just gentle little light like that of the moon. Yeah, that girl is my moon.” – I said.
“Oh my God! ‘Your thing’ is quite arrogant, isn’t it? It can’t let it go.” – He said.
“Hey! Don’t you dare call him an ‘it’; it’s ‘him’. Show some bloody respect.”
“Oh! Sorry man. Let’s go to her and introduce ourselves. We can say like this- Hey moon! I am Tarun and this is Ashish. We are thing buddies.”
“I want to know her not to scare her off.”
“Okay, if you are that much attracted towards her, I will manage to get you some information about her from my seniors.”
“That’s my thing buddy. I love you man.”
Few days had past. I kept visiting that garden like structure to have a glimpse of my moon between the same hours, every day. It was like getting recharge for the day for me.
One day Tarun came to my room with a concerned type of face.
“I asked about the girl you have a ‘crush’ on. Her name is Thea.” – He said.
“My moon is Thea. Finally that face has a name.” – I said.
“Just forget about her. She does not have a friend. She is a total loner. And it is better you don’t go after her.”
“Why? What is wrong with her?”
“SHE IS A RAPE VICTIM!” – His lips uttered those words.
For a few minutes, there was silence in that room. My moon was a rape victim. I then understood the sadness and depression of her face.
“When…why… how?” – I said.
Tarun said- “I don’t know about this. But she is kind of crazy or something. She even had attempted suicide 2-3 times. She doesn’t talk to anybody and mostly nobody talks with her.”
“She is too sweet to be in such pain.”
“There is no sweetness in her. She was raped by some men he knew. It must be her fault.”
“What the fuck are you talking about? It’s never a girl’s fucking fault that she is raped. Even if a girl is standing naked, it doesn’t give you the right to rape her. Even though after such a tragedy, she is attending college. I have got some serious respect for her in my mind.”
“Are you insane? She is crazy.”
“The situation and the people like you who favours the rapists and curse the girls for the way she walks, talks, behaves or wear clothes that make her crazy and make her do things like suicide. You disappointed me.”
“Do and think what your fucking mind says.”
He left slamming my door. That was our first fight and the irony was that two thing buddies, who were inseparable, fought just because of a girl who was not even a part of anyone’s life. That is just a little bit of a glimpse what a girl can do.
That night, he came back and apologized to me.
He said- “You were right. I am sorry and I feel stupid for saying such things. It’s not her fault.”
“It’s fine. So everything is cool between us?”
“I guess so or do you want that ‘seeing each other’s thing’ to make things between us cool?” – He said.
“That was a one time show. It is better that we don’t repeat that thing again.”
“Okay. So Thea BHABHI…”
Few more days had past. I followed the same routine of watching her for an hour from different-different places for that hour. Soon, the fresher’s party came. As a party entry code, we had to buy a condom. That was the first time I bought a condom.
After the fresher’s party, we were allowed to wear whatever we wanted and the ragging phase was over. But that 1 hour routine never stopped. I watched and watched her daily. And within 3 months of regular watching, I started to have dreams about her. One night, I saw her dying. It was a little after the midnight and I woke up from the dream, terrified as shit. I ran to Tarun’s room shouting “Chaurasia wake up!” He was not in the room. I then heard the sound of the flush in the toilet.
“What the fuck Chaurasia? How many times do you masturbate?” – I asked.
He came out of the bathroom and seemed very happy. His weird smile scared me.
“What new technique did you use that made you so weirdly happy?” I asked.
“It was my midnight-poty time. It makes me feel very relax. Whenever the clock strikes the midnight, there is some kind of mystic voice that comes from my inside gently saying ‘Midnight-poty time! Pants off Chaurasia!’” – He said with a scary amount of enthusiasm.
“Close the gate of the bathroom; the smell will kill me.”
He closed the door.
“I just had a very bad dream about her.” – I said.
“About who?”
“Your Bhabhi!”
“You are going insane! Dude, go masturbate and sleep.” – He said, irritated.
I got disappointed.
“Okay. What can I do? She is not on any social networking site. But there is one thing you can do.” – He said.
I got excited.
“What can I do?” – I asked.
“I have heard that her programming is the best in the college. That’s what she does all the time. She participates in every competition related to these and wins. So if you want to get her attention, challenge her.”
“I am not that good with programming. How will I challenge her?”
“There is a competition almost two months from now in our college during the tech-fest. You have two months to prepare and challenge her.”
That was it. I went to college the next day and downloaded all important online tutorials on programming and algorithms. I consulted my HOD and took some tips from him. From that day onward, I was programming all the time. I used to bunk almost all the classes and Tarun use to make proxies for me, which is he made my attendance in the classes I bunked. I was on my laptop for almost 16 hours a day, learning and practising. I am not going to lie. I enjoyed it. It made me feel alive.
After watching my dedication, Tarun too joined learning with me. As a result, in two months we became pretty good at it. Then came the day of the competition! Only a couple of students of first year participated in that competition. I saw her during the competition. She was so silent that she was defining the word peace. I had never heard a single word from her mouth and I have seen her for almost 100 hours till that time.
We did well in the competition. But she got the rank 1. I managed 2nd position and Tarun wasn’t in the top 3. Only top 3 were given the prize money.
“Idiot, now you have a topic to talk about. Ask some tips about programming. You are her junior.” – Tarun advised me on the day of the prize distribution.
I gathered all my courage and went near her and looked her right in her eyes and said-
“Hello miss boss! I am Ashish. I got the second rank.”
She did not say a word.
“It will be highly beneficial to me if you can give me so…”
She interrupted- “You don’t know me but if you will ask around then you will find out that I am a SLUT. So, you will regret talking with me. It’s better that I stop you right now.”
She didn’t give me a chance to say anything and she walked away. I was shocked. I realised how broken she was. I felt very sorry for her.
Soon my name was announced for the prize money and certificate receiving. I went to the stage. Few seniors were distributing the certificates. One of them congratulated me.
“You are very talented. No one ever from 1st year has won this.” – A senior said.
“Thank you, Sir.” – I said with no happiness. My mind was stuck on the horrifying sentence she said to me before she left.
Another senior said- “You had almost beaten the SLUT but she won anyhow.”
The way he said it made me lose myself. It brought the angry part of me to the light. I threw the certificate on the ground and on that stage I punched that senior right at his nose. Everybody was shocked. What have I done? Every senior surrounded me with deadly looks. Tarun came running on the stage with a professor so the scene did not go ugly. I picked up the certificate and the prize money and left with Tarun.
Tarun hold my hand and started dragging me.
“Where are we going?” – I asked.
“Are you insane? Why did you hit him? Are you fucking out of your mind?”
“He called her a slut. He has no right to do so.”
“Don’t you realise how much trouble we are in just for that? They are not going to take this thing seriously. They are going to kick your ass. We are not going to the hostel today.” – He said.
I agreed to do what he said. We went to the ‘Lakkhu da dhaba’ to celebrate my victory on a bike that Tarun has managed from a senior. It was a famous restaurant.
“Beta, you are going to be fucked.” – He said with food in his mouth.
There was a thing common to both of us; we never took anything seriously but madly.
“I know. Let’s go to a bar and get drunk.” –I said.
“Fuck bar! Let us go to Agra.” – Tarun said in an energetic way.
That stupid thought excited me. Honestly, the way he used to drive bikes, I calculated the time to reach there would be less than three hours.
“I am in. But are you serious?” – I said.
“I wasn’t but now I am.”
We completed our lunch and we headed towards the petrol pump. After filling up our petrol tank, we headed for the journey without any other thought. It was the month of January, the chilling cold season. I didn't know how to drive so it was Tarun who drove all the time we got a bike from a senior.
I got out the earphone and put one in my ear and one in his. Since, he drove the bike at a very high speed, the songs were almost inaudible. But we were screaming the songs which were playing.
In a demanding world of ours, sometimes small thing like unplanned trip and ride with your best friend is everything you need to be amazed, happy and satisfied. These are those things that we can’t shop on Flipkart or Amazon.
I had this irresistible urge of asking anybody- “Khada ho raha hai na?”
So, the whole journey, I was asking every stranger on bus or bike that question and everybody gave me a weird look.
We reached Agra in 2hours and 45 minutes. We spent the day and night there just roaming here and there. The diversity of human population can be witnessed at the Taj Mahal. It’s funny how different people from different cultures and different corners of the world want to explore the whole world while most of them fail to explore the human inside them.
The Taj is beautiful. It is beautiful than anything and everything. But the beauty of the innocence at the face of Thea was more revolutionary to my eyes than the Taj. Standing near the Taj made my mind very relax. It got me motivated.
Then early in the morning when the sun was still sleeping we headed back. The road was almost empty. On the way we saw the sun rising. It was beautiful. By morning we reached hostel and we were so tired that we slept as soon as we landed on our beds.
The beating…
There was knock on the door. I was still sleeping. I didn’t ask who it was and ignored. The knock didn’t stop. I irritatingly opened up and didn’t see who it was and turned back to head to my bead to continue my sleep. Somebody grabbed me from behind very tightly. I turned my head in that direction in shock, as I couldn’t turn my body. It was the senior I punched. I got a little scared. I knew I was going to beat up. Then I noticed that there were a few more seniors with sticks and all. My thought was at that moment in Tarun’s language- “Ga** phat gyi.”
“You punch a senior, Gandu.”
“We are going to cut you in pieces.”
Something like that they were saying. Then they started beating me and next thing I remembered was that- I was in some hospital with all my body parts hurting. I saw Tarun sitting next to me.
“Aur Saaley, How are you feeling?”- He asked.
“Phat gyi, bhai”- I answered.
“Damn! I was sleeping. I wanted to get beat up too. You Bitch, you got beat up alone. Couldn’t you just ask them to beat me up too?”
“Once I get better, I will beat you myself.”
“Well, the doctor said that nothing is serious. You can come back to hostel and you will be fine in a couple of days.” – He said.
As we were talking, a miracle happened. I saw Thea coming towards me. It must be a dream, I thought.
“Tarun, I think it’s a dream as I can see Thea coming towards me.”
“Oh my God! Bhabhi is really coming and it’s not a dream, I assure you.”
He hit me at one of my wound and it hurt a lot. Well, the pain reminded that it wasn’t a dream I was dreaming, but the perfect reality I was in. She came to me. She had always this single expression on her face; depressed and sad. But this time it was a little different. It was something new in her that I witnessed that day.
“I am used to getting raped. Please don’t ever try to pull a stunt like that again.” – She said as if words were not coming out of her mouth.
“What do you mean by getting used to be raped?” – I asked being shocked.
“You will never understand this. Just take care and please do me a favour that never ever do anything for me.” – She told and walked away.
I kept screaming to wait and finish the talk but she left. Within an hour, I was discharged. I wasn’t able to walk properly. By evening, I got a notice to appear before the disciplinary committee of the college. That was a big deal.
“Tarun, what does she mean when she said that she was used to getting rape?” – I asked.
It was the night of same day and Tarun had stayed with me in my room.
“I am still on that too. She is very sweet.”
I gave him a weird look and said loudly-
“Saaley, Bhaibhi hai Tumhari.”
He laughed and I joined him but laughing was painful because of my wounds.
“I suggest that you tell the truth tomorrow. It will be good for you and her too.” – Tarun told me.
“What am I? A class 2 student that I will complain that sir that boy beat me?” – I said.
“If you tell the truth, they will take action against those who mentally torture her. For once, keep your dignity aside and do something for the society. Be the hero man.”
And the argument continued for half an hour and Tarun won.
My maid is better than you…
The meeting of the disciplinary committee was held. There were seven senior professors sitting in a circle. In the middle of them were I and the senior who fucked me.
“What was this quarrel all about?” – One of the professors asked in a very serious tone.
“Sir…sir…” – The senior tried to say something but didn’t come up with something.
“You both are in serious problem. Don’t waste our times here and confess the truth. We are not here to entertain you so better start talking.” – One of the professors almost screamed.
“Sir, it was just a small misunderstanding. We are cool with it and we are now friends.” – I said.
“Don’t bullshit with us.” – A professor said.
I was silent and so was the senior. Two of the staffs of the college brought Thea and Tarun. They entered the hall in which the meeting was going on. I looked at the senior and he looked me back with a I-will-fuck-you-if-you-rat look.
An old professor said in a very gentle voice- “Beti, tell me honestly. Did anyone of them ever assaulted you or said anything to you that was offensive?”
“No, Sir.” – Thea replied.
I gave Tarun a just-keep-your-mouth-shut look. But he gave me a my-mouth-my-words look.
“I want to add something sir.” – Tarun said.
The senior protested- “Sir, it was a small fight and we have sorted it out. Ask Ashish. He will agree to me.”
I nodded.
“You will talk when I ask you to talk. Rest of the time, both of you, just keep your mouth shut.” – The gentle voice of the old professor changed into a scary voice and then he signalled Tarun to talk.
“Ashish punched him on the stage because he said something offensive about Thea. Later he beat up Ashish of course not alone but with few others because he is not even capable to face Ashish alone.” – Tarun said.
There was a silence. Tears came out of Thea’s eyes.
“Sir, a coward guy like him who can do nothing by themselves and say bad things behind the back and OFFEND WOMEN SEXUALLY deserves that punch.” – Tarun added.
Every eye glued up to me and the senior.
“Is it true?” – A professor asked.
“Yes Sir!” – I said.
“What did he say that made you hit a senior?” – The old professor asked me in a concerned voice.
“It was a kind of sexual abuse. I don’t like to say the specific word but sir that girl over there suffer a lot of pain due to these abuses.” – I said.
Thea broke down and said in a higher voice- “Who are you to stand for me? I did not ask you for this. I told you to stay out of my life.”
One of the professor said in an angry voice- “Lower your voice! This isn’t a circus that you are in and we are not the trainers. You are standing between the most senior professors of the most prestigious college of your country. Even after your that… special condition, we allowed you to get admitted in the college. After that nature of yours and your mistake we accepted you and here you are, talking like this in front of us. You blame boys for this but the real reason is the girl for rapes. Your nature and your dressing sense are the reason.”
What the fuck was he talking? Why did people like this were born? If I could have this supernatural power of knowing who is going to be such a jerk before birth, I would gladly donate all my money to the condom companies so that at the time of the making of suck jerks, condoms must be used so that these retards don’t walk on earth.
Thea spoke in a broken voice- “Sir, I have been used to getting rape on a daily basis. I was raped physically once but since then people RAPE ME MENTALLY especially people like you. If I come here in short cloths then does that give you a right to rape me? I talk bold or I dress, well say not traditionally, and then does it make some label on my head saying ‘rape me’? I am tired of getting rape sir… I am tired…”
She broke down completely. Everyone was stunned and everyone was silent. None was brave enough to answer to that girl. I was speechless too. I understood what her words meant in the hospital. To watch her in that condition, a tear fall from my left eye. I just wanted to utter those words which could make her smile. But I didn’t know what those words were.
“There was a maid at my home. She was very poor and illiterate and was nothing to this world. Sir, she can morally teach better than you. If she was listening to this talk of yours, she must have done some serious damage to you, mentally.” – Tarun said.
I gave him a well-said serious look to him. The old professor signalled us to go. Thea left the meeting in kind of a run and I and Tarun followed her. After getting out of the meeting room, Tarun stopped me from going to talk to Thea.
“She is crying. I want to make her stop crying.” – I said.
“Let her go now. Let her be alone. She is already hurt so much so don’t complicate things for her.”- Tarun advised.
I did what he said. We went to our hostel and waited patiently till evening for the decision of the meeting.
She is just a senior to me…
A notice came out by the evening. The senior got suspended for one semester. Apparently, a new rule was made in which anyone was caught or reported assaulting a girl in any form, strict actions were to be taken against them including police charges. I was given a warning and a one week suspension for hitting a senior on stage. That’s all.
Tarun saw the notice and came to me with it- “We won. You are like Arvind Kejriwal of our college. Most of the people hate you because you are fighting for the change and now you have won the first step against it.”
“Fuck off. I got a week suspension.” – I said.
“How often do you even go to classes? Most of the time, I make your proxy. Stop being a douche about this good news.” – He said, angrily.
Well, we had done a very big thing but in the process, we had made a lot of enemies. Every senior was against us as we made a member of their family, homeless and the batch mates were angry because I did something out of line and made someone suspended for a semester. But the main reason for all the anger was that- I supported someone whom they tag as a “SLUT.”
I masturbated m… sorry, mastered my coding abilities during that week of suspension except for that 1 hour which I used to visit that small park inside the college campus where she used to sit for an hour doing something with her computer. I waited the whole week but couldn’t get a single glance of her. My addicted eyes were tormented by the starvation of the drug dose of her sight.
Tarun was all mad over one girl who had come to our college during the tech fest. She was from some other college pursuing journalism. When you are good with computers, people assign you all kind of stupid stuffs related to computers to do. Tarun did talk to the girl but she refused to give him her contact number. When you can’t have something, you want it more. Rejection increases the attraction. Same happened with Tarun. He did not see her again after that night he interacted with her. Thanks to Mark Zukerberg, we have Facebook. These days, maximum of the love stories start with Facebook and WhatsApp. Tarun fantasized to be a part of that community so he asked me to find her for him on Facebook. He provided me with her first name and I had seen her too. So, luckily after few 100s of profiles, I found her.
Her full name was Subhanjana Sarkar. Yes! She was a Bengali and like most Bengali girls, she was beautiful. As I was surfing through her profile, Tarun came.
“Did you found your Bhabhi?” – He asked me.
Before a girl becomes your girlfriend, she becomes “Bhabhi” of your friends.
“Yes!” – I replied.
He came excited to my bed and I showed him her profile. He then sent her a friend request and for the whole day I listened to his annoying words- “She has not accepted my friend request and it has been 5 hours.” “I think she hates me.” “I think she thinks that I am a stalker.” “She is not a princess. I am going to cancel the friend request.” “I think I am in love with her.” “Why isn’t she accepting my friend request?”
Then finally, almost at midnight, a notification came notifying that his friend requested was accepted. It was right between his poty-time. He started screaming from his bathroom.
“Ashish, teri Bhabhi ban gayi!!!”
I congratulated him from the outside.
After a week, I was totally healthy and all my physical wounds were healed, plus my suspension was over. I started going to the class and it was as if the whole thing was forgotten except for the part that no one was my friend beside Tarun. I didn’t mind it. After a few days, I saw her at the park sitting with her laptop with her glasses on. I went near her and greeted her with “Hello!”
She looked at me and said “HI” and returned back to what she was doing. I went near and sat on nearby grass and opened up my laptop. There was no talking for almost 15 minutes. Then a miracle happened. She spoke.
“You didn’t have to hit that guy.” – She said.
“It’s not your choice to make. What he said about you, I would have done the same thing if he had said that about any other girl. I request you to not call yourself what you call because it is offensive to women and I hate when someone says offensive things intentionally about women.” – I said.
She didn’t say anything but gave me a surprised look. After a few minutes, she spoke again.
“Well, your programming is impressive for a 1st year guy.”
“I have been working hard on it. Any tips, miss boss?”- I said.
“You don’t need to call me miss boss just because I am your senior.”- She said, calmly.
“Okay. I am Ashish.”
I forwarded my hand for hand shake. She looked surprised and weird. She just look at me and then back at his laptop without saying anything.
I asked her- “I can’t call you miss boss then what should I call you?”
She looked at me and smiled. YES! She smiled. I made her smile. Fuck yeah! I am hilarious. Then she said- “I am Thea.”
I fell in love with her the way she said her name. Everything except her became the faded background music. Nothing else except her seemed to matter at that moment. Wow! She was perfect but just a little broken. MY BROKEN MOON!
For a couple of days, I used to visit that park and sit near her with the excuse to discuss the problems I encountered while solving some programming related problems. She taught me many things and within few weeks she got comfortable with my company.
Tarun encouraged me one night to go a step forward in the game. So next day I went near her and said-
“Thea, are… are we friends?”
I was scared as shit.
She smiled and said- “Ashish, you are my only friend here. But don’t expect anything more than that from me.”
It felt bad but provided her condition, she was able to trust me and be friends with me, and it was too big a thing for me. I promised myself to be with her in any way she needed me and to never break her trust.
I said- “Yeah. Just friends! So what were you expecting? A relationship or something? Don’t flatter yourself lady. You are not that special. I love only Alia Bhatt. She is the one.”
She laughed. That was the first time a saw her laugh. I made her laugh. Fuck! I am hilarious! I am awesome and I rock!
She then asked me to come near her and then she took out her phone and clicked a picture together.
The same night at hostel, Tarun asked me- “So, anything new with Bhabhi?”
I said- “Don’t call her that. She is just a senior to me and I am just a junior to her.”
Tarun gave me a weird look and hit me on my private area. Then I told him the whole thing that happened.
Tarun- “Rape make you doubt every person. She trusts you. It’s a big thing. Don’t break her trust. Treat her like a princess.”
I said, surprised- “Oh my God! Tarun, what happened to you? Who are you? What have you done with my old vulgar Tarun?”
He hit me again at my nuts this time a little harder so I had to sit and scream to get out of the pain.
We both spend the night solving complex programming questions as always.
Next day in the park, she gave me the print out of the photo and tore it from the middle and wrote her number on her photo and gave it to me.
“This is my permanent number. Keep it with you with the picture in case you forget my face. Write your number on your photo and give it to me.”
I wanted to tell her so many things. How could I forget that face? I could forget everything but not that face. It was engraved in the main memory of my brain. It was not replaceable, non- delete-able and definitely non-forget-able. But I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to scare her off. That’s how Ashish and Thea started.
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