Can I even risk it?

How can you even make sure that the next person you'd pour your heart out is the one worth of it all? 

How can you even love so fully with the greatest belief he'd give the same love bucket back? 

How can you even love in general, love as freely as you were 16? No second thoughts, no questions but to just love like as if it's the greatest thing in the whole world. 

But as much as I wanted to, I can't.. 

I can't risk loving anymore. I can't risk falling in the same love trap. I can't imagine myself going in circles again: loving the wrong guy, him leaving, and  here I am being left on my own - i don't even know how many times i've been running this course and it has been exhausting, I'm drained.. 

I can't go back in these heartbreak moments, crying to Sam Smith songs,  singing the lyrics of Burning at the top of my lungs or with Adele when she sings Hello. I just can't take in another heartache. I can't imagine getting hurt again for the same reason. I can't imagine being broken again because of yet another guy I thought really loved me because he said he did. I believed him and guess what? He lied. So with all the others. 

So tell me, how can I ever love again with all these uncertainties? No one ever said it would be this hard.