I don't know why but I always had this feeling inside me that, I am empty. There is a specific smell, color, attitude for every human being and a word also. And I feel that the word for me is 'empty'.Ever since my childhood, I feel something missing inside me. Trying to figure it out has been a journey throughout. Trying to find me.
Apparently I was watching a motivational video by a famous person. There he says that the thing that keeps us focused is "the reason". Everybody has a reason to live, everybody has.Is this the actual fact or all of them are living here because they had birth in here years ago? I don't know about the 700 billion people in this world, all I know is that I hadn't find it yet.
This confusion always struck me. 'Should I have to make it by my own or wait for my destiny to finally find it for me.' I don't know. Sometimes things are difficult.
I want to confess something. 'I am an escapist'. Here you go I said that. I cant handle any kind of mental stress. Suddenly I start to sleep or watch some daily soap online. Recently I am sleeping a lot. 'Cause I am confused. This has always been there with me. This confusion. Is this defines that I am a coward or something? I know that I am. I am not brave enough to defend my dreams. I am a coward.
The entire world rings to me that my dreams are not realistic. This will lead you to a path without destination. Be practical. All of them are my well wishers. I don't want to hurt them. I love them. And I love my dreams too. When all the other parents are being proud about their children, I don't want my parents to be belittled about me. I really don't want that.
I know, I know. All this seems like this teenage girl giving bullshit about her life. To an extent it is the same. Negative comments and negative thinking everywhere. But I know that, one day something will evolve inside me and that will change everything. That will fix everything. And that one day I will be one confident young lady stepping towards this crowded big world, without any confusion, without any hesitation.