As I listen to the Calming Christian on Spotify
I look at the mobile clock, it shows five minutes to three
I had watched a horror story until past two
It's been exactly twenty-two hours of no sleep now
My head feels so light, and heavy, too
If I close my eyes, I'll fall asleep fast
The sun might laugh at me later if I oversleep
So I choose not to
I feel so -
Hanging, I know, I don't know what the feeling is, exactly
So I choose to make a dead end dash
I'm sleepy
I'm fighting to stay awake
When the day becomes bright again, I'll feel -
Dead end dash, sorry, I can't continue that, again
I don't exactly know what else to say for me to describe how I may feel
Everyone advise me to rest, some of them command me to
I say, "Yeah, I do need that, I will, thanks, good night"
But in truth, I lay here on my bed, still wide awake
That statement is a lie
That makes me a liar, I guess
But no, I am not, not really, I do lie,
Don't you lie, too? One point or two or quiet a lot of times, I bet
The playlist continue to play on my background as I typed these words, three-fourths caring now for typographical and grammatical errors
My chest feels tight still, persistent as ever
Ten hours, it continues, I suffer, maybe I am
Hurting, of course I am
Tears have fallen from my eyes nine hours back, it dried stat as it fell
Damn, uhm, sorry, that's not what I really mean
Sleep, I feel sleepy
Eyes open, I don't want to sleep
Later, work again, survive another day
I am as selfish as all of us are, continuing to struggle despite the fact that we all die
Not as stat as my tears falling and drying
Soon, maybe a little more extended than the rest
Are you feeling confused? This does not have any pattern, not much
I feel -
Dead end dash again
Sorry, I just don't know an appropriate term to these emotion or to this feeling
Yawn, I just did, uhm sorry, I got sidetracked again
Wait, where am I again? Cliché, right?
Need I to say more of my drama, or maybe my life story, or my thriller or maybe, not
Let me think, I choose the latter
Choose must I
Decide must I
I feel -
Dead end dash for the last time...
Ellipsis for now I conclude
Million words and million thoughts still run inside my chaotic mind and my frustrated heart that feels torn apart into bits and bits
Minced and pulverized, scattered all around
You wouldn't understand everything I just typed, I'm three-fourths sure of that or maybe half or maybe nothing
Still the playlist played from the background
Encouragements, and comforting reassurances of love, of existence, of hope, of faith, of life, of financial support...
Train of words.
I guess I have to nap, then.
Take a rest and feel - ...
Dead end dash and ellipsis.
Story