Closure after two years, is it possible?
We met three years ago. Two years and six months ago we started dating. Two years ago you broke my heart by leaving. But what's heart-shattering it is that you left without even telling me. You. Just. LEFT. Without a single word. I was broken for two years. I was lost for two years. But how am I now? Am I still lost?
Last week when I was dancing at a party with my friends I turned around and I saw you. I didn't just see you, no, I saw you. When our eyes locked I thought you were going to ignore me but you didn't. At that moment every single person in the room vanished, only you existed. I saw happiness in your eyes, you were happy to see me. Your arms opened and you hugged me so tightly like you actually missed me. We danced, laughed and talked together and I didn't bring up our past. Why? Because I wanted to have the old you for just a couple of minutes. Or maybe we danced, laughed and talked for a little longer, I don't know. But I do know that I loved being with you, the old you, for a little amount of time. At one point you asked me if I wanted to take a sip of your drink and to really talk and I said 'no', you asked me why. I told you that I didn't trust you because we didn't talked for over two years. Yes, my answer threw you off, but it build me. I said something I wanted to say for a long time.
Later that night I was outside to get some fresh air and your best friend came to me. Yeah, he is awesome. We talked about everything and he asked me a question that I've been avoiding for a long time. He asked me "you still love him, don't you?" and I didn't say anything, because I honestly didn't know. It's like God knew I needed to have answers, he sent you outside. You came to me and said that we really needed to talk, at first I didn't want to, because I honestly didn't want to. I didn't want to get my heart broken, again. After a couple minutes of you begging I caved in and we went inside to talk.
When we were back inside and were waiting for our drinks we looked at eachother. I was staring into your eyes and you were staring into my eyes. That was a silence I thoroughly loved. You said all these things I wanted and needed to hear. "I don't want you to go", "I'm serious now", "you didn't do anything wrong two years ago", "I was in a bad place", "I miss you" and the icing on the cake, "I trust you". That one went straight through my heart. Because trusting someone is so important and I don't trust you. I don't trust my heart with you. When I said I really needed to go home you leaned in and kissed me on my lips. Our lips locked and you tasted like mint and sweet surrender. After our kiss we parted ways and I was more mindfucked than before.
The day after everything we talked, but you were the asshole like you were at the end of our relationship. Honestly, if you don't know how to talk via text or any other mobile device let's meet up. But no, you are too much of a pussy and momma is old enough now to quite playing games. A whole week long we didn't talk, you didn't hit me up to chat. No, you were the asshole you again. After two years and during that week I had been thinking. Do I really need you again in my life? Do I really need to bring my heart to a breaking point again? I fucking don't. I'm much more worth than shallow promises and hopeless games.
If we got back together we would be the perfect storm. We would be the thunder, the heavy rain and the strong wind. After everything you've done I still needed closure. So what is closure? The Merriam Webster dictionary says that closure is a feeling that a bad experience has ended and that you can start to live again in a calm and normal way, well I got mine. I got mine while you didn't even realized I got my closure. I started talking to you after that one week and I said everything to you I wanted to say. After I said 'goodbye' to you, I felt a feeling of relief. I still do.
We met three years ago. Two years and six months ago we started dating. Two years ago you broke my heart by leaving. But what's heart-shattering it is that you left without even telling me. You. Just. LEFT. Without a single word. I was broken for two years. I was lost for two years. But how am I now? Am I still lost? No I'm not lost, I'm here again. And I did without your help. I became my own hero, I became my own rock, I became me again.
Closure after two years, is it possible? Yes it is.
One last message to you... I do hope that you find a girl that will captivate your mind and heart. But please be good to her. Treat her with respect, shower her with love and gifts and give her the attention she deserves. But most of all I wish that you find yourself.
I will always love you, but I don't need you anymore. I got me.