Nobody should judge you on anything which you choose to do to cope with something you're going through, the others are generally unaware of the depth of your struggle. But the lack of thought when you're grieving leads to making some really bad choices which are a source of greater pain later.
When you're in a difficult situation, you tend to get into the self destructive mode. It means, your brain gets fogged up and you try to get rid of that fog inside by opting for the outward fog which could be of smoking, drugs or excessive alcohol (to name a few).
But you don't realise that instead of clearing up, the fog engulfs you completely.
The short term stress busters which you pick up- to impress someone new, make new friends or to forget your pain turn into something that follows you like a shadow.
Once you see the darkness of the shadow, you forget about the light that creates it. You're so engrossed that you forget about all the pain you cause to your loved ones. You tend to overlook how something capable of causing permanent damage to you, cripples them much earlier.
You reject their help and try to run off in the opposite direction.
But you can only run so much. One day there'll be a moment when you get tired and pause, and in that moment you'd realise all what you could've been, but aren't.
After this realisation you'd try to rush back, but would probably be paralysed with exhaustion.
So the next time you feel like you can't cope, turn around when someone calls for you, there are better ways and you'll discover them only if you try.