16/02/2015
He didn’t show up today either
Each time I try to forget about him , something reminds me of how much I’ve missed him
He’s nowhere to be seen these days and I can’t help it but look for him , I don’t ask anyone or make it obvious that I am looking for him but I can feel my heartbeat fasten when I see one of his friends they the disappointment in my eyes when I realize that he’s not with them
I keep on telling myself that it’s not worth it , he is not worth of my thoughts but I can’t get him out of my mind , I don’t know why
He may have a girlfriend , he may not even liked me at all , maybe I imagined all these eye contact , the songs and the staring game that lasts for two damn weeks and it felt like forever
Maybe now he’s happy knowing that I fall into his trap and he is one of these guys who let girls fall in love with them in order to torture them and enjoy their pain , to be honest this is the best logical explanation I can come up with until now
I am so damn pissed at myself and my stupid heart and don’t let l me start cursing my fucking luck and loneliness
I don’t know if Ovid is right and all my pain will be worth it one day , all I have to do is accept all this and wait for a stupid miracle to happen to me soon , like SO SOON because I am about to give all this up !
After one day:
Well , happy showing up day dear crush
As usual , you didn’t disappoint me , you were as usual : perfectly aware of my non existence which tells me that you did not even thought about me while I wasn’t there
As usual , you gave me another reason to hate myself more because I really like you
You really let me go , don’t you ? well , congratulation you stupid arrogant son of bitch : I HATE YOU and I hate that I can’t even hate you
I don’t know why the hell I am bothering myself thinking about you but I can no help it
I wish I were like you : heartless and cold even though I know that deep down inside I cross you mind once a while