DESTINY -A tale of two unspoken hearts

My parents think I take decisions in no time! But the fact is that I chose being far away from home and have time for myself...so that I can experience the real living.

But my mom wasn’t so curious as I was, she wanted me to stay with them and complete by masters there.

But I wasn’t ready to get a tamed life anymore.

On the day of my journey I can still remember my mom asking me “vidhi, please think about it once again, do you really want to go?” . I Can still remember the sadness in her tone.. But then I prepared myself to face everything to taste the fruits of individuality.

I’m a peculiar person with some peculiar tastes... I don't prefer change much so on the day of my journey I packed my entire room so that the hostel room will reflect my own room. I'm very fond of writing since my childhood. To be frank my diary has been the best friend of mine. So, I was particular about my diaries that I take all of them with me. Finally I bid a bye to my room and my lovely home.

Mom and dad came with me to the railway station and waited there till I boarded the train... As a matter of fact when I watch movies I never understood why people wave bye until they can't see each other from the train truly I found them too senti type!... But that day I understood the reason behind the long wave!.. it is that They just don't want us to leave.. And they want us to be back as soon as possible.....

I was doing the same and was my mom.. We were waving to each other till we couldn't see each other... I made decision to study far away from home. but I didn't think of a situation of missing my parents and fun at home!!

I wasn't able to sleep the entire night, so was my mom..

Moms have a telepathy kind of thing with their children.. No matter what.. They can easily predict our state of mind.. And I'm sure that my mom did masters in it... she predicts my state of mind in a minute or may be less.

The first few days in hostel were really rough.. I wasn't completely able to cope up with the environment but I somehow managed.. 'coz it was my decision to join college!

When it comes to our lives and our decisions it will not give much regret even if it fails 'coz it was your choice to be so!

After few weeks I was able to get some good friends at classes..

One day, while I was talking to Rihan, a guy came there and waved 'hi' to him. Then Rihan was happy to see that guy and they called for few minutes and then Rihan asked me if I know him.

To be frank I never saw him and so I just replied 'sorry,no'

And then Rihan introduced me to him addressing him Adarsh...

So coming to this guy... He seemed quite and physically appeared to be a guy with normal personality...

And after the introduction he had a small smile in his face.. 'totally professional'...

I didn't care much about the first meet.. But then I found out that, he Was kind of common in all my classes..

And then whenever I looked at him I used to give so called Professional wave he gave to me when we first met.. Fact is that teasing persons with their weakness is the stupidest thing that no one should ever try . but being a teenager I preferred trying ;)...

Then I found out that we guys had three classes in common. I use to see him everyday and we used to exchange wishes.. He seems to be quite intelligent though he is not so active in class...

One day he was absent for 2 classes and as he is not quite so talkative so doesn't have good number of friends in the class.. So after the class he approached me for the notes... To be frank my writing sucks! But there were very less number of students who attended those two classes as it was some festival occasion. So with a prior warning I handed my book to him..

And then during a weekend Rihan arranged a small meet during weekend among our friends, and he invited Adarsh as well.

We went to a nearby theater to watch a movie. The movie was too good it was a pure love story. Every one liked the movie, on our way back, Rihan was talking to Adrash and screamed “what you didn't like the movie.. it was an awesome movie whats wrong with it”. Adarsh didn't seem to be happy with it… so he told okay fine I liked it…

But I observed a kind of hesitation when he told so.

So when we were at the restaurant on our way back, Adarsh sat beside me, then I asked him, why didn't you like the movie. He hesitantly replied “no ,I liked it too..”

Then I told him “ no that’s okay you can tell me, I know you didn't like it, is there any story behind your abhor towards love stories?”

He then didn't reply for a while and while we were about to leave he told that it was his parents who divorced after their love marriage and finally left him alone with his grand parents. I was really touched by the way he told me, he was still a little kid who was left by his parents.. some way I don’t know I liked him at that moment, I really wanted to tell him its okay Im there for you! .. I never really felt that much affection towards anyone else in my life time… but he left without taking my answer!

And so next day.. I was waiting for him to arrive, may be not only for book!

When he came I felt some kind of happiness seeing him, that I never felt before .

He thanked me and went and sat on his as usual place.

After the class he tried to avoid me, but I went and told him, that its okay that he shared, and ill never ask him about it. He was relieved with my reply and thanked me.

From the next day he started talking to me apart from usual hi , We used to discuss about many things sometimes about subject.. sometimes about movies etc etc...

To our surprise he hate my favorite hero and I hate his.. ;)

But it's kinda cool u know! Contrast tastes does create spoof in life..

Despite of the fact that I’m talkative I never used to start conversation with him...

I used to prefer watching him to talking to him...

And then at the end of day.. I used to remember conversation with him and smile and go to sleep...!

And I continued it for 1 entire semester... And left to home and the next semester i didn't see him for more than three weeks and the very first day to all my classes involuntarily my eyes used to search for him in every class... But sadly there wasn't a single class common with him..

I believed in destiny and when I found out that he is not common in my classes I just thought that, he was just a passing cloud in my life..

That was my last and final search for that guy.. And I didn't see him for the entire semester.. And I tried to ignore that fact and was able to get some very good friends..

....but that gap of missing him was never filled by anyone!!  

Next semester to my surprise I saw him at our library when I was with my friends.. Who have become really close to me.. I used to share everything with them but never told them about my feelings to him.. 'Coz I was not sure about anything..

As he was not so mingling type one no one knows him.. But I was extremely happy seeing him after 9long months.. but still, when I looked at him, I was able to memorize all the conversations I had with him. And not just bragging but I remember each and every word that he spoke to me. And as usual an unknown smile appeared on my face.. And asked him 'where have you been?' .. He was not so surprised as I was..but still he waved me a hi, once again his so called 'professional one' and replied may be we didn't have any common classes this time..

I didn't even remember that my friends are with me.. I was so upset that he was not so happy as I was when I saw him... and I left.

I didn't understand despite of our long talks(may be small but they made my day) .. He talked to me as if it was his first time seeing me!

I wasn't able to sleep the entire night.!!

At one point I almost cried thinking that he forgot me! I never felt this bad.. For a person not talking to me.. I couldn't just let it go..

And then I didn't see him for weeks..!

And after few more weeks I saw him, to get rid of heart break I tried to just ignore him.. But this time he waved me his pleasant hi.

I don't understand the way he greets me makes my heart skip a beat.. Irrespective of my thoughts to not to speak to him I waved “hi” back smiling.. And so, our good friends relation changed to 'just friends'...

But I never cared about anything I just expected him to wave me a hi.. I felt that's more than enough for me!!

And I never really thought about going and telling him about my felling 'coz I was never sure about them.....

This continued for 2more year.. And we reached our final year... I never understood why I couldn't get any common classes with him.. Our friends are different, our priorities are different.. But I used be really happy seeing him once in a while!! My feelings never changed for him... I stopped writing diary for a while and I used to write it only when I see him.. Those are the days to be remembered.. But, despite of writing I remember everything about him...

Finally it was placement time.. And in less than a month we are never going to see each other.. Though I was now sure about my feelings for him.. I never dared to reveal to him.. One of the reason may be that being a girl.. May be it was a part of me stopping and telling that no let him..

I got placed in a company and two days later he got placed.. I was so happy that we got placed but the sad part is that I got placed in hyderabad and he god placed in banglore.

I Cried entire night.. Only because of the feeling that I'm never going to see him.. In the past two semesters I used to wait for the day to see him every week.. And that used to make my day... And I used to be the most happiest person that day..

“ Now I'm never going to see him... That feeling itself is killing me.. I don't know whether I could be happy or not...” were the thoughts running in my mind.

I finally thought that its time for me to reveal my feelings for him, and I thought to tell them to him the last day.

Weeks later:

That was the last before day of my college.. And then everyone is going on their own ways.. The saddest part is I don't have even a single friend of mine together in the company that I got placed.. So top of all not only my first love, I'm going to loose the best friends of my life..The day has come for my friends to leave and I don't know how many of them are going to be in touch with.. Every ones eyes were filled with tears... And every one of us took the oath of being in contact! And one by one they left leaving me alone.. I just remembered the very first day of my college at an instant!

Finally, The day had come... I didn't know how to and what to tell him.. I was wearing a peacock color dress one of my favorites.. And approached him.. I couldn't even dare to look into his eyes... But still I managed to tell him half of the message I wanted to tell him.. i.e., “ I don't know why when and how it started.. But you are the happiness of my life.. Whenever I feel sad or disappointed remembering you brings a smile on My face.. I love the way you greet me.. I just don't know when all this happened.. But I know one thing that your smiles makes my heart skip a beat, and that moment I feel like I am full.. You complete me..!! And ....

before I completed the statement he replied “hey vidhi.. What are you talking about.. I don't even know you properly and you are telling me that I complete you... I don't like and I don't believe in love! You know why.. My parents are divorced and you know what theirs was a love marriage and my dad promised or just acted as if he stopped drinking and smoking for which he was completely addicted during college days...and my mom just believed him and married him against the will of my grandfather.. And then after my birth my father once again started drinking and added thrashing my mom.. And she tried to commit suicide once and my grandfather took care of my mom.. And still she regrets her decision to get love married and I have seen every consequences that occur after marriage and this love is like a gate way to the entrance of hell.. So I don't want this ...and leaves”.. I cried cried and cried..... vidhi its 8am already.. Wake up, you need to get the signatures... My friend was screaming ... And I opened my eyes and that was a the worst dream of my life... I cried after waking up... I didn't know whether I could tell him or not...

I somehow managed to get ready and went out and I saw him.... his words in my dream rolled around my eyes. I can't think how it feels getting rejected. And its true I guess “First love is always memorable”. I didn't want it to be miserable, I didn't want to loose him.. But this time when he saw me and waved I don't know why I did it but I walked away as if I didn’t see him and I don't know how but I slipped then he came running and asked me if I Was okay.. I can't just walk away I know that. So I replied him yeah I'm fine.. Then he started conversation asking me about my training and where I m gonna live etc., I didn't ask him back because I knew everything about him..then his friends started calling him.. He then wished me luck and I wished him back.. And before leaving he took my contact number.. And while he was going back these lines started rolling in my thoughts that

'He never knew and he will never know!!!'

And tears flooded out my eyes...

And finally my of engineering left me a miserable memory..

After few years

My job is wonderful I got selected as lead for a project in us and everything is going well..

But whenever I remember my past.. I always regret for not telling him.. I always feel the guilt of not using opportunity.. The fate cooperated and tried to help me.. But I couldn't do it.. but always try to forget about it sometimes I used to remember the way I used wait for him every week to see him..

And I used to smile for my stupidity.. But still his thoughts used to bring a smile on my face..

But I tried very hard to forget him...and still trying may be... 'First love is not that easy to forget..'

An year later my parents now wants me to marry some well settled guy. so, they started searching, thinking that they can find the perfect one in an year. I wasn't so happy with their decision because I was not over my past relation 'one sided' this word rolled in my head!

But I knew that they will be taking minimum of one year, and thus I agreed to their proposal of searching bride..thinking that I can permanently put an end to these feelings.

But to my shock they were able to find the perfect one in no less than 3 months... I wasn't ready.. as I couldn't tell them that I'm in a one sided relation and he was somewhere else.. And may be he wasn't single!! so I agreed to meet the guy they chose and then this so called best person came home to talk to me the very next day.. his name was Adarsh too and in fact that was one of the reasons that I agreed firstly to talk to him. But I wasn't lucky enough as this was Adarsh Ray.. Not Adarsh Kapoor.. And just before I told him about my past he told about his.. And then asked me about mine.. I was not able to speak, but I forced myself to tell him about my past.. I wept as I continued to tell him about the guy who never knew my feelings for him.. And finally, that was unexpected quote I made to him that, "I loved him, I love him and I'll love him"..

He didn't get annoyed but instead consoled me and advised me to either meet and talk to him or try to forget him. We became good friends later. Although, it was another story that, he told my parents, he loves someone else which made my parent really angry and hated me being a friends with him.

It was just 2 months from them my parents brought another brides Picture this time they did great background work about his GFs.. And then we started talking and he seemed narrow minded...and when I told him about my college and the friends I had at my college guys and girls everything and it was then a surprise visit by Ananth and I was so happy and we hugged and then I introduced the bride sitting next to me. when I introduced Ananth his face turned pale.. and he told that"I would rather prefer a girl with girl friends".I told him"If you are so insecure about a girl talking to a boy then sorry, you will never find a groom".

The actual words running in my mind were.. “Then just go to hell..I was never interested in you!!”

I had no idea why all these were happening with me.. Meanwhile 5proposals passed... My parents became more desperate in finding a groom. One Sunday I woke up late as it was a weekend.. and my dad started telling me that if I wake up this late in sasural house, they will send me away.. But mom who not only my mom but also my best friend came and supported me. To be frank I share everything with my mom. And even I told her about my crush in college life.. But I didn't tell her that I was not over it, as it was no more crush to me but he was more likely my first love!!

I don't know the definition of love I mean people tell that if you find the right one both will know.. Which was a failure theory in my life..as I felt that he will not even remember my name!

Okay,coming to the point my mom told that she is going into Good sasural where people will never scold her. I didn't get the point what she wants to Infer so I asked her 'what do u want to tell'...

Making it as filmy as possible my mom replies saying' why are you asking me ask your father'. I know this scenario as it happened in all 5 cases, it was too obvious that, they brought me another groom proposal, in Less than a week where the last one told me that he was not sure about my character as I studied in western culture imbibed college.

To be frank the quality of brides was reducing one by one. And I thought the new match would be more worse than the previous one. So I hesitantly told my mom, to give me some time as the brides are growing worse one by one. But my mom ‘stubborn one’ requested me telling that this would me last match search and if this wouldn’t work then they will give me some gap.

And she started telling about groom that he lives in Kolkata works in a top most company. He will not be coming as he was very busy with his project and we are sure that this one was the right match to me. All the thoughts in my mind erased away when I saw the levels of confidence of my mom when she was telling about the groom. So I told her okay coz, after all they want is my happiness!

But she told me that if everything matches the marriage would be held in one month. So they arranged meeting in a week with him.

Week later:

The day had come groom,would be coming to meet me..but the fact is that I doesn't even know what his name was. I thought he was lil ideal when he asked my mom for permission. For coming to home.. And my mom was so happy and she tried to make all the varieties she could make in 3hours. You know Indian women if they like people they fill their tummies with lots of delicious food.

And she wants me to look perfect too.. And so she forced me to wear a saree.. To be frank though I never was really good at tying a saree on my own! And so sarla helped me! As my mom was too busy.

And suddenly I got a call. It was Ananth.. He was facing some problem.. He told me that he took a bus and someone pick pocketed his purse. And as he knows no one in the town so he asked me to pick him up. And so I should go. Because he came here to shoot a documentary on rural Hyderabad. Though I forced him to stay at my home he was upset about the words of that 3rd groom(or may be fourth ugg who cares!!) And moreover my friend thinks that for a perfect documentary on poverty he need to stay and experience things with the poor ones. So he chose to leave in a place that is 1/2 hr away from my home. So now I should go to pick him up and my mom will kill me. But I somehow begged mom and took permission for 15min..but frankly it will easily take 45min for me to come back home. I took my car and reached Ananth by 20min. And dropped him at his room by 10min.. And when I was passing through adarsh ray the first groom and weird friend of mine called me and wished me all the best.. He was sure that I can handle properly now but who knows.. I never understood how Adarsh Kapoor has casted such a spell on me! But I somehow managed to stop thinking about him whole time! Though I think about him twice a day.. But it was far worse previously.. I get a sad feeling when I think about him because I don't know if he even remembers my name by now and I'm ruining my whole life just by thinking about him. All these thoughts were rolling in my mind.. And I reached home.. I can see a Honda city car parked in front of my home.. And I was sitting idle in car. I dont know whether I could take it or not. But now I have to work on it. And I thought I should not waste my time thinking about a person who is almost an imaginary character now. So with all my courage and love towards my parents I walked into my home..

When I entered into my room I saw my mom starring at one of my childhood pics and there is no sign of that guy. My mom saw me coming she started wiping her tears, and started telling that is seems it was yesterday we were holding your hand and now you are going to leave our hand within 20 days.. I can't believe it.. But one thing you are always my previous little girl and we will never let go off you.. We will be with you till our last breath and these lines made mW emotional and started crying hugging my mom.. And then she turned away the topic by wiping my tears, asking me “acha tell me do you like this marriage proposal? ”. I nodded to her though I was not sure. Then she asked me then how didn't you recognize the groom. I was shocked why is he familiar to me!? Then she replied I don't know if you know him are not but he was from your college only and same batch. I was stunned I don't know why all these things happen to me! God damn it...!!

But I just replied her “oh I see. But where is he I can't see him anywhere”

then she replied “you know what he didn’t see your photo till now. The fact is that his grand mother don't want him to see pics and agree to the marriage. She asked him to meet you by person 'coz she never believes in modern society. then she told me she arranged chairs in balcony and asked me to go as he was waiting there to meet me.

I was nervous previously, but after knowing that this person is from same college I was double nervous. I don't want to carry my college memories life time 'coz those weren't so sweet. But I managed to go to balcony he was looking at the traffic in front of my home. I went there and tried to call him but being such a stupid, I didn't even check what his name was. So I tried to make some noises which didn't work out and then I said to him excuse me. He turned back listening to me. And..... It was him... Love of my life ADARSH KAPOOR!!!! I couldn't believe my eyes I thought I was dreaming and rubbed my eyes pinched myself.. And he was shocked equally.. And he was just looking at me..!! We didn't talk for five seconds we were just staring at each other!! He came to me and hugged me.. I couldn't control myself and I did hug him back and wept...!! He started telling me.. Where have you been.. I have been searching for you for years.. I missed you.. These words came as a shock to me.. Missed me?? I asked him coming out of The deep lovely hug! Yes you idiot.. I loved for forever, right from when I saw you for the first time!! But i was confused about my thoughts so I tried to forget you, I tried to be a stranger 'coz I thought it was just infatuation.  But I was stupid back then, i realized at the end and I came to your hostel to tell you about it.. But then you already left... I was so dejected and left. i searched for you almost everywhere. but i didn't find you so i thought if we are meant to be together, ill find you one day. so from then i stopped searching you and concentrated on my career. A month back from one of my employee who worked with you told me that you are here. but I couldn't dare to meet you, in the mean while my grand mother found this match and asked me to meet you. Respecting her words Im here, meeting you! you know i wondered all the time if you remembered me, but the instinct you hugged me back, this would be my most memorable moment, and I LOVE YOU, yes I love you, the last words that I wanted to tell you when you were gone and the first words I wanted to tell you when I see you. 

I just stood there listening to all this and at the end a "tear drop" rolled from my eye and a smile appeared on my face! which explained him everything!