Have you ever felt like a stranger among your family and friends?!
Have you ever felt that everybody hates you?!
Have you ever felt that you are different and that you don't belong to this world?!
My answer is YES.
I always felt like a stranger among my family.
I really am so different from others.
I always felt insecurities and loneliness among my friends. I felt so lonely at some points of my life .
Since i was young till now, i was always different than others. For example, being the one who sits next to wall at the back of the classroom alone and the others had their gangs and who has no one to talk with and pretend to be okay in front of everyone.
I always thought that my family hates me as I have a tune which could turn a happy place into a place full of fights or arguments.
So whenever i think about running away, i think of the place to go to!
At that moment, i realized that i belong to nowhere.
So to find a place, i built my own world.
I thought it would make me more comfortable and safe from others.
It became destructive to me.
Emptiness conquered me just as if i fell down in a dark empty well then pain started growing and growing until it soothed and i also became destructive to others.
Mood swings, anger, impulsivity and suicidal thoughts took control of me.
I thought someone would pick me up from that dark well.
After some time, i wished if i didn't ask for help and support because no one will ever be beside me all the time.
Nobody will be able to always handle me and the symptoms that comes with it.
People has limits. We are humans. We got limits. We do mistakes.
But a person who has been hurt this much can't handle being told limits and etc.
To all the those people like me out there, especially those that also suffer from derealization and depersonalization beside the BPD, i am here for you.
To those who decided to end their lives, please don't. you can come to me anytime and i will show you how i survived. And my dear friend , never thought of committing a suicide or to hurt yourself as your mom has not given you birth and keep you inside her stomach for almost 9 months just for a suicide?
My dear friend? I am always there with you.
Last but not the least - Being different is not bad as it makes you look unique and never try to be like others.