Dear Friend,
I write to you because I believe I say it better this way; pen and paper help me express more profoundly. I am not sure if this will help, at all or even a little, but seeing you troubled the way you were the last time we spoke, I figured that I should at least make an attempt. I am not promising to address all of your concerns and doubts, which also cast me in a dilemma I couldn’t quite make sense of, but I promise that by the time you finish reading this, something somewhere would have made your heart beat a little slower and your mind a little lighter.
I understand your question better now, after having put some serious thought into it. When you’d posed it for the first time, I know now that I hadn’t quite gotten a hold of it. I know I said things I believed in and still do, and not that all that I said hadn’t been of any help but I also know that I didn’t fully leave you satisfied. I did end up beating around the bush, failing to rescue you from your misery but I hope I can make up for some of it through this. You wanted to know what holds more value- the tiny good or the huge bad. You wanted to know if your good was good enough or if the bad was bad enough to beat it. And I believe I have an answer for you now- the good always triumphs, however big or small. That’s the power it holds- that which wins, wins, because it is good, and that which loses, loses, because it wasn’t.
I am not a believer of the Almighty but there’s something that I read somewhere that Mother Teresa said which struck a chord with me instantaneously- People are often self-centered and unreasonable. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway. And this is what I’d even ask you to ponder over. Considering you are someone who does believe in God, you should then know that God is watching. You do not have to work yourself over so much, trying to figure out the consequences of your actions for self and for others- the good that you do will someday be rewarded and the bad that you do will result in apt punishment also someday. If the bad wished for you is based on in-genuine hatred or circumstantial failure, then there isn’t need to worry, it will all pass. If the good wished for you is based on genuine emotion, then you will see times change for you for the better in times when you had assumed that it wouldn’t. So as far as the good and the bad that people wish for you is to do with, that is something you have no control over, and hence there is no point in thinking or overthinking about the same.
Maybe the problem is that you are too smart- you overthink because your mind moves at a million miles a minute. You are sad because you are not fooled by the world like everyone else. You don’t get along with most people because they don’t look at things the same way that you do. You think you are stupid because you are smart enough to know that you don’t know everything. Unfortunately, your problem is that you are too smart and that isn’t a problem at all. E. Hemingway once said, Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. Maybe that is the cost you will have to pay for being who you are. And because I’m assuming you’d never discount your knowing of things, you’ll only have to make yourself stronger and braver to deal with what it encompasses.
In the end only three things matter- how much you loved, how gently you lived and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you, said Buddha. Maybe you need to work on making peace with things, both good and bad, and both which are in your control and which aren’t. Let go, of people not meant for you, and you will be able to let go of all that they bring into your life. People, what they think of you, what they think for you and what you think of and for them will matter only for as long as you continue to keep them in your life. And when people stop affecting your life positively you have to let them go- do not hinder your growth for them. If someone’s actions or words bother you, then you know that you haven’t truly let them go. Only when their actions and words will fail to hold any power over how you feel about yourself will you have honestly and fully let them go; think about that. Wiz Khalifa once said, cry as much as you want to, but make sure when you’re finished, you never cry for the same reason again. Make an attempt to practice the same when it comes to people. Let them go once and then keep it that way- you will only injure your heart If you continue to cry over the same mistakes, the same failures, the same people and the same losses in life.
Also, don’t be too harsh on yourself. Learn to forgive yourself before you learn to forgive others. We are all just people and people sometimes do stupid things. What is good and what is bad is relative. Who is good and who is bad is all about intention and perception. You can only go so far as to changing yourself; the world is a difficult being to change. So mend your ways, make yourself better and let that create a positive ripple effect. Focus on that energy. People will see what they wish to see, they will listen what they wish to listen, and there will come a point that despite your best efforts, it would all still be in vain. Do not be disheartened then; believe in what you do, in who you are and continue to work on making that belief stronger. An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to launch you into something great. So don’t lose focus and keep aiming to do and be good. If someone doesn’t see your light, don’t worry. Like moths, good people are attracted to flame and to light, and they will come.
Maybe this space isn’t right for you. This place makes me the kind of exhausted that has nothing to do with sleep and everything to do with the people around me- Rupi Kaur. Maybe you and the people around you don’t share a common vibe and it probably isn’t anyone’s fault. This space, these people, this time- it could all be a misfit and once you leave and move on, things might change for the better- you have to believe that or at least try. I am not saying that you have never been at fault- you might have, we know nobody is perfect. But if you are willing to identify your shortcomings and work towards fixing them because you want to be better for self and for those around you then I believe your efforts in this direction will also bear positive fruits.
Words- so powerful. They can crush a heart or heal it. They can shame a soul or liberate it. They can shatter dreams or energize them. They can obstruct connection or invite it. They can create defenses or melt them. They can attract a strong mind or offend a weak one. So use words wisely. Especially when you are talking to yourself- because then, you and the universe, both are listening.
With love and concern,
Your friend.