Night 104:
I found myself standing once again on the beach and facing the ocean. The sand beneath my toes tickled my feet and calm waves crashed in front of me. The moon above was full and serene. I was alone. The first thing I did was to look for any signs of her. I looked around before I started wandering along the coast. The waves continued on crashing beside me. I started running after walking for a while but I kept on ending up from where I started. Confused and starting to grow weary from all of this running and walking, I sat down on the sand and just waited for her to appear.
The blue black sky was lit by no star in this scenario for some reason and only the serenity of the moon was above me. The moon felt so close to the earth and I could see almost every visible crack and crater. It looked as if the moon finally had the courage and strength to devour the earth beneath it. It terrified and amazed me at the same time. As I was admiring the lunar beauty above me, my vision was blocked by two hands from behind. I heard a sweet giggle behind me.
“Guess who?” she playfully asked me. I smiled, removed her soft hands from my eyes, and looked behind to see her crouching down and smiling at me. She still wore the same white dress she always wore but this time, she had a necklace with a jade-colored oval pendant that glistened in the moonlight. Her long raven hair swayed to the ocean breeze. She went to my left and sat along beside me. Digging her bare feet into the sand and putting her head on my shoulder, she finally asked me the question: “So, how was your day?”
“Tough, as usual. Greg, you know the guy who sat beside my cubicle at work, he couldn’t and wouldn’t stop blasting K-pop from his phone. Everybody seems fine with it, I am too but after a while, it gets annoying if he only plays the same five songs every day. He even sings along from time to time even though he has little to no grasp in Korean. I tried telling him to tone it down a little bit because I couldn’t focus on the work in front of me. He did for a while before returning to his regular singing volume. He’s a good guy, really. It’s just his K-pop obsession that ticks me.”
“Have you tried telling your bosses about Greg, John?”
“Nah, I think this is a little bit too petty. Plus, nobody really has an issue with it but me so I try to live through it instead.”
She held my left hand that fit perfectly with mine and played with my thumb. “What else? You know I like talking about your day, whether it was bad or good, because I know you’re trying to live your life.”
“Besides Greg, nothing else happened, really. It’s still the same workload. I thought I was gonna go out again and buy some spare parts for the machines or something but they told me to stay put for now. Two of my coworkers were absent, I don’t know why.”
She kissed my left cheek and smiled as I looked at her. “I’m proud of you for doing your best all the time.”
“Really? And here I am thinking that I’m just doing the bare minimum every day.”
“No, I know you. You always try to do what’s right and make sure it always end right.”
I felt my blood rushing to my cheeks already. “Well... at least someone appreciates what I do. Thanks.”
She stood up and dusted the sand off her before running towards the crashing waves. “Hey! Where are you going?!” I stood up and followed her as she ran into the sea.
She took a big dive once the water was deep enough and swam happily, splashing water all around her. “John! Come on in! The water’s fine!”
Without thinking twice, I ran towards her and took a big plunge. The water felt real on my skin. Once I emerged from the depths, she playfully splashed some water on my face. Taking this as a challenge, I returned the favor and tried to do the same but she was able to dodge my attack. This went on for quite some time before she started swimming away from me.
“Catch me if you can!” she yelled as she swam. She was a fast swimmer and I tried to reach her but she got to the shore and ran along the beach. I kept up to her and we fell to the sand once I was able to hug her from behind. We both laughed at our little chase. I tried catching my breath but she took it all away once her lips touched mine. She smiled and parted some of my hair on my forehead.
“You still haven’t told me your name...” I told her. I was going to continue on speaking but she just shushed me and placed a finger on my lips.
“Some things are just meant to stay hidden, you know? Just to keep things mysterious.”
“You feel so real to me. Why do you do this?” I asked.
Without an actual answer, she stood up and reached her hand to me to which I held. I stood up and looked into her eyes as dark as the night sky. Now I know why there were no stars on that night sky. It’s because she took all of them and contained the glimmer in her magnificent eyes.
“I love you,” I told her without even thinking.
The last thing I saw before everything went dark was her beautiful smile.
My alarm finally rang.
Night 237:
This time, I was in a coffee shop with her sitting right in front of me. For this dream, she wore a sun hat, shades and scarf combo that the likes of Grace Kelly or Audrey Hepburn would wear. It’s daytime and the sky was green. There were ostriches sitting on the table beside us drinking from teacups smaller than average. One of them was typing away from a typewriter not minding his drink and croissant while the other sipped merrily and wore a fancy top hat. From a distance, I could see a knight riding a gargantuan caterpillar. Everything was so surreal.
“I noticed them too. They’ve been here for a few hours now,” she explained to me. “That’s something you really don’t see every day. Unless, of course, you tell me that Greg’s actually an ostrich.”
“Speaking of Greg, he actually resigned earlier today.”
She took off her shades and placed it beside her coffee cup. Her eyes widened in disbelief. “Aw, really?! What happened? Is it because of the K-pop?”
“Oh no, it ain’t because of the K-pop.” She leaned in closer, listening intently. “It’s actually because, apparently, he overprices his canvases and now the company is suing his ass for it.”
“Why would he even do such a thing? That’s horrible...”
“No idea... I never got interested in his case and I mostly just ignore my coworkers.”
“Come on now, John. We’ve talked about this a few nights ago. You need to get out of your shell and interact with your coworkers more.” She took her cup and sipped.
“That’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been eating lunch with them lately. I talk when I need to talk, that’s all.”
“You still have a long way to go...”
“Yeah, I know. Thanks for encouraging me to reach out to them more.” I tried sipping from the cup in front of me but it was empty.
“You know, I haven’t really asked you this but what do you really do while I’m awake? Where do you go?” I asked her. She sipped once more, becoming quiet for a while before giving me her answer.
“Every time you wake up, I cease to exist, or at least I think I do. First, I hear a loud, repetitive, and almost deafening noise. I’d know by then that your time with me is up. Slowly, a white light engulfs us. Then, everything goes dark, cold, and damp. Then I’d be alone. I couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to move; I couldn’t see or hear anything. I could only feel my stiff body as waves of whatever rush through me. Then, as I’m being washed away by the darkness, everything and nothing happens at the same time. There would be an explosion of lights, sounds, shapes, everything, and nothing. I could see them all. Futures that were supposed to happen and pasts that weren’t supposed to be all seem clear and visible to me yet vague and distant at the same time. I couldn’t really describe it unless you see it for yourself. It’s maddening. I often find myself screaming at the chaos of it all.
“Have you ever experienced that before, John? Just poofing out into nothingness and popping back in because your whole being and existence revolves around someone else’s? I highly doubt it. It’s not painful but it doesn’t feel good either.”
Silence took over me and I felt ashamed and guilty for being the one unintentionally responsible for putting her into that kind of torture. I felt powerless and all I could muster up to say was “I’m sorry.”
Her mood and tone lightened up a little bit. “It’s all fine, John. Do you know why? Because every time you go back to sleep, we both would be teleported into a scenario different from last time. Usually, I’d be the one who comes into the scene first but there are times that you’d come in earlier than me, just like that last time on the beach. Remember that?” I nodded.
She continued. “And every time I see you come into the scene, your eyes would be closed and you’re always smiling. That’s what I really love about you the most. That made me realize that I could and would like to experience going through hell and back just to see your lovely smile every night.”
No words were really needed after that. I looked deep into her dark eyes once more.
“I love you.”
“I lo--”
Everything was dark once again.
My alarm finally rang.
Night 300:
“Hey, John,” she called to me.
“Yeah?”
For this night, we’re lying down under the shade of an oak tree on top of a green hill full of twisty violet sunflowers. The sun was shining and alive and high but the heat was nonexistent. Not a single cloud can be seen in the sky. A small raven perched on one of the tree’s branches, probably resting from all of the dream flying it’s been doing. She’s still wearing the white dress she loved to wear but for some reason, she wore no extra accessories in this scenario.
“I’ve been thinking, you know that the brain cannot make up an entire new face?”
“Where’d you find that kind of information?”
“I didn’t. You probably did in your waking moments. You’ve probably come across an article about that while browsing online or on a newspaper and that information is stored up deep inside your brain, just waiting to be accessed again.”
“Really?” I adjusted my position and scooted closer to her a little bit. “Since you dwell in my dream world, maybe that also explains how you only know stuff that I already know...”
“An astute observation and a fine display of prowess in deductive reasoning, Sherlock, but that’s not my point right now,” she said. No sarcasm was in her tone and voice.
“Well, what is it?”
She propped up and sat properly, leaning on the trunk of the tree and hugging her knees. “It hasn’t been really and truly tested out before since it’s almost virtually impossible but if that were true, you probably have seen me before in real life.”
“Psh, that’s impossible. I never forget a face...” I confidently said.
“I... I dunno...” She hugged her knees tighter and burrowed her face on it.
That’s when I sat up properly and faced her. “Is there something bothering you?”
“I just... I’m not saying that I don’t want to see you anymore, it’s just...” Her hands were clawing and grasping on the ground in frustration, taking a few patches of grass with it.
“What do you mean?” I held her by her shoulders.
She let out a sigh and finally lifted her head to look at me with a gloom expression. “I’m frustrated, okay? I want to be with you but I physically can’t because I’m stuck in this dream world and there’s no way out for me here. I want to wake up in bed in the morning and see you by my side. I want to experience life and travel and not be prompted to be in a random spot and a random scenario with some fucked up weird shit going on somewhere. I’m starting to grow weary of having to experience that nightmare every time you wake up.”
She stood up, tears starting to fall from her eyes. “I’m tired of the noise and the chaos. I’m tired of not experiencing life with you. I don’t want to be here anymore.”
I stood up and hugged her tight, stroking her hair as I attempted to soother her. “There, there... It’s okay. I’m here right now.”
“I’m envious of the girl who has the same face as I have in your real world. You may not know her but I can feel that she and I are the same. We have a connection, I just can’t get out of here and take her place instead just so I can properly be with you...”
“Look, there’s no one else like you out there, okay? You’re my literal dream girl.” I tried wiping her tears away but she refused.
“That’s the thing. I don’t want to be just only a dream girl. I want to be real.” She finally sat down once more and I did the same.
“You’re real to me, isn’t that enough?” I asked.
“Your reality is different from mine, and that’s what breaks my heart.”
We stayed there in silence for a while. I don’t know what else to say to her. She’s right, it’s impossible for her to come to the real world with me. In that moment, I felt powerless to help her.
She finally stood up after a while. As she stood, the raven cawed and finally flew away. She looked at me one last time with such sadness before started to walk down the hill.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“I... I don’t know. I just want to get away for a while.”
The violet sunflowers started to grow and rise at a ridiculous rate up to the point that they’re now taller than the oak tree, forming a forest of flowers. It almost blocked the sun. She was near the flowers when a black wing feather fell in front of me. That’s when I started chasing after her. Grabbing the black feather, I went down the hill and into the forest of flowers.
She walked through the stems and disappeared into the greenery. I followed after her and parted the flowers as I traversed the dimly lit place. I thought I finally passed through when I reached the end but the path only took me back to where I started. I tried again and again and again yet I was still at the beginning when I thought I went through, as if the forest of flowers was teasing me and telling me to not follow her.
I looked at the black feather on my hand and let it be taken away from me by the wind. I let my gaze follow it float away until I couldn’t see it anymore. I turned around and went into the greenery one last time.
I parted the last flower that was blocking my way to the exit and passed through. Instead of emerging at the foot of the hill, I emerged awake and sitting up straight on my bed in cold sweat and trying to catch my breath as if the energy I exerted while running around the forest of flowers was real. I stood up and opened the blinds of my window to check what time it was.
The sun was still resting. The neighbor’s dog was barking at nothing in the darkness. I fear for the worst.
My alarm finally rang.
Night 301:
For the first time since she started manifesting in my dreams, she wasn’t there. I sat alone on a bench in a white void. I waited for her until my alarm rang but she never came.
Night 302:
She still wasn’t there.
Night 303:
She still wasn’t there.
Night 326:
She still wasn’t there.
Night 337:
She still wasn’t there.
Day 350:
I bought a composition notebook today out of whim and decided to write down things about her. Since drawing her image is not a part of my skill sets, I chose to describe her appearance by words in hope that by doing so, I’ll be able to invoke her once more into my dreams. Lately, my dreams have been nothing but the white void with nothing else around me or I’d be in a scenario that I’ve been to before sans her presence. My waking moments have been cold and dark. I chose not to tell anyone about the woman who visits my dreams every night in fear that they wouldn’t understand. She felt real, way too real for someone who’s supposed to be nothing but a figment of my imagination.
In my observations, she’s 5'6” or 5'7” in height, almost as tall as me. Her hair is as black as the void and reached the lower part of her back. She would always wear a plain white dress that reached her knees. She would either be bare foot or she would wear a light brown pair of sandals, depending on the setting of the dream. She liked to accessorize, changing one or two accessories almost every time. She would always be the one who starts the adventure, taking my by the hand and dragging me to whatever she planned for that night.
She liked hearing tales from my waking moments and she would always see the bright side in things, advising me on things that I don’t know.
She made me whole.
I went on describing her even more until I’ve used up the page. I placed my pen down and sipped from my cup of coffee. Two scoops of creamer and three scoops of brown sugar, just like how I liked it in my dreams. I never really enjoyed coffee before she told me to try that one out. After a while, I picked up my pen once again, flipped over the page, and continued on describing her, things that I found cute and endearing, things that I didn’t like, little trivia and facts that she told me, her other traits and quirks that I’ve discovered while I was with her.
Soon, the notebook was filled with words and erasures, all dedicated to my literal dream girl. I hope that in describing her as how I saw and loved her, I’d do her justice. I kept on writing and writing and tearing off pages and revising until I couldn’t write anymore. I reread it all. The next thing I knew, I’ve already spent my weekend afternoon talking about her and dusk was already upon me.
The darkness filled the room and I wept.
Night 350:
She still wasn’t there. However, in the white void, I found a scrap of notebook paper lying on the floor right in front of me. The words were handwritten and were all intended for me. I knew right there that my message to her was received.
John,
I’ve read everything that you wrote about me. Is that really how you felt? I’m touched and really flattered by you. Thank you.
I’m sorry for leaving you there the last time I saw you. I believe the time we spent away from each other is just what I needed for my plan. As much as I want to be with you again, my love, you must have to wait. Just know that I may have found a way for us to be together again. You’ll know it’s me once you see me.
Lovingly yours,
Your (literal) dream girl.
PS. Remember the last time you asked me about my name when we were at that beach and I told you that some things are just meant to stay hidden? To tell you the truth, since you technically don’t know the name of the girl who has the same face as I have in your real world, I also don’t know what my name is. Maybe once we see each other again, I’d have a name you can really call me.
Day 365:
It’s been a year since she first manifested in my dreams and since I’ve received her letter in my dream, I had no new news from her, no breakdown as to what her plan really was or even how she’s doing right now. I dared not to attempt to invoke her anymore since I know she’ll find a way.
But even though her last letter was good news to me, my days have still been gloomy. Tons of workload with little to no interaction with friends for the past six months, on top of her suddenly vanishing, made me feel I’m alone. I couldn’t remember what I’ve dreamed about last night; all I know is that she’s not there.
Before going straight to the office, I would always pass by a local mom and pop coffee shop that is open 24/7 near my place of employment to get a decent cup of brewed coffee and read a book. I always have the time since my work starts at around 9:00 am anyway.
I opened the door and I was greeted by the door chime and the alluring aroma of freshly brewed coffee. The male owner whose name I never even tried or attempted to know welcomed me to their establishment. There was already a line full of white collar workers in front of the cashier waiting for their turn to order their coffees with ridiculously long names.
I fell in line with the rest of them and waited for my turn. Once I’ve reached the cashier, I told her my usual order: a croissant and their signature classic brew. I paid for my meal and sat immediately on a table beside the window facing the road and near the door. I grabbed the book that I’ve been reading lately and continued from where I left off. The order is taking a little bit longer than they usually prepare it, I noticed.
Then, like a passing ghost, I saw her, or at least I saw someone who looked like her pass by the window. Sure, a lot of women in the world looked just like the woman who visits my dreams and I could have just seen any other random girl but for some reason, I just felt and believed that it was truly her; that she really did find a way to cross from the dream world and into this reality. As soon as she had passed by, I immediately put my book down and bolted for the door, leaving my belongings behind unattended, exactly how the signs all over the establishment told me not to do. I tried walking then running for her but as soon as she turned around a corner, she vanished from my sight. I walked back to the coffee shop in defeat, not knowing when I will ever see her again.
“Cheese croissant and classic brew for John! Cheese croissant and classic brew for John!” the barista loudly said as I entered back into the coffee shop. I went to my table, got my receipt and retrieved my breakfast. I sat and ate in silence. I left the coffee shop afterwards.
I reached the office at around 8:45. While waiting for my hand-me-down laptop to boot up, I couldn’t help but wonder as to how she managed to do it. She’s supposed to be just a character in my dreams. I sighed as the laptop finally awoke from its own slumber.
At around 9:45, my boss stood in the middle of the room and raised his hand, a gesture he liked to do when he wanted to call us all. He was accompanied by another person, but I wasn't paying attention. The report that I was trying to finish up was more important.
“Team, listen up. Starting today, we have a new coworker. Go on, introduce yourself.”
“Hello everyone,” she said. Those words instinctively made me look at the new employee. I immediately knew it was her, or at the very least, it’s the girl who she shared a face with in this real world. She had long black hair, pale skin, and approximately the same height. She didn’t wear her signature white dress but she did wear a black blazer and matching black pencil skirt that reached below her knees. She met my gaze and I immediately looked away. I didn’t know why. Probably because I couldn’t believe that she’s finally really real.
She continued. “My name is Cassandra but you can call me Cassie. I’m looking forward to working with you all.”
“Okay, Cassie. For now, just look for a vacant spot where you can sit.” They looked and looked but the only empty cubicle was the one where Greg used to sit on. “How about there, next to John? He’s a good guy. He’s quiet most of the time, but you can depend on him.”
Without any word, she got her bag and sat on the office chair next to me. She fixed her stuff before finally noticing me.
“Hey… John, is it?”
I turned and faced her. “Yeah, what is it?”
“You kinda look familiar…”
“Oh, really?” I asked.
She squinted and examined the entirety of my face, as if trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle or a riddle. Then, she finally spoke again. “Do you, by any chance, know someone named Oliver?” She told me the last name of the Oliver that she knew.
“Oliver? He’s my classmate back in high school and college…”
“Yeah, he threw a large farewell party last year in his house because he’s migrating… You looked like the funny guy who I met there.”
Then it all finally dawned on me. The girl who visited me in my dreams every night was right. I have met her in my waking moments before.
“Wait, you were there?” I asked her.
She giggled lightly. “Yeah, I wasn’t able to get your number because you left and I was totally drunk at that time. I actually thought you left because I accidentally puked on you.”
“Huh… small world. I never thought I’d see you again.”
“Me too…”
Forgetting the work in front of me, I chose to start up a conversation instead. “So, how’s life?”
“It has its ups and downs. At least now I have a new job.”
“Well, welcome to the company, Cassie.” I offered my hand to her for a hand shake and she took it.
“Thanks for the warm welcome.” She smiled.
“Do you, I dunno, wanna have lunch with me later?” I asked.
“I’d be more than happy to,” she replied.
Night 365:
She finally visited me in my dreams again after all this time. The scenario wasn’t in any random location. We were in my bedroom with her sitting on the desk chair adjacent from my bed. For the first time, she didn’t wear her signature white dress. Instead, she wore the corporate attire she had earlier.
“Hi,” she greeted me.
“So, your name is Cassie.”
“Who knew? It’s a lovely name.”
“Is it really you? Were you finally able to cross over into the real world?”
“I think so. I mean, I did get a new outfit for once and I finally met you again.” She parted a few strands of her hair that was blocking her face.
“What about the girl who you shared a face with?” I asked.
“Oh, her? Her consciousness is in charge while awake but when she’s asleep, I take control. You don’t know how many times I tried to convince her other dream self. She’ll vaguely remember this meeting but will forget about it immediately.”
“I love you.” No other words left my voice.
“I love you too,” she finally replied.