Act 1 :
There is nothing golden about goldfish, the more you stare at one, the more you realize it. a lower form of life held captive for the sake of visual pleasure, for the sake of resting your eyes randomly a few times a day on something of the color gold, to reassure to yourself that your life somehow contains a bit of luxury in it, or why else would you do it? a blue fish would have done the job, but no, the color gold is what you need.
The fish's limited consciousness of the world around it seems to be on its side, it's memory span and life's needs minimum status suits well what her shiny bowl of glass has to offer. Maybe that's a valuable lesson from this content marine creature, being so far from home isn't a bad thing after all if you learn to live on a minimum like our fishy friend goldie. Our misery as men comes from our intense awareness of the complex life around us and everyone in it, the crowded streets where everyone is trying their best not to make eye contact with anyone, the billboards on the side of the roads and the magazines in the waiting rooms, what we should buy and what we should look like, the standards we never all agreed on, but we do our best to meet. it all adds up into this intricate thing we go threw called life and its much more complex than a bowl of glass, thus sometimes we wish we were careless as fish.
Maybe that's not the best way to put it down, but that's the vibe you get from looking at nathan's face while he is having his cereals on the kitchen table. His eyes kept staring at the fish while his spoon went up and down from his mouth to the cereal bowl at a slow rate, Until the sound of clicking high heels started coming from the messy hallway.
- you've seen my pack kiddo?
- by your crack.
The blurry shape of a woman in a flashy outfit stood standing still on his visual range for a while before he looked at her to avoid any unneeded drama. Their eyes locked for a second before she took hers around the kitchen looking for something. She started walking towards the shelfs and got on her toes reaching for a small bag of crack on top of a half empty pack of smokes in the open cabinet, next to the cereal box, making her shirt go up, revealing what's left of her ass. She opened the plastic wrap and swept off what fell from it on the cabinet floor back into it. she turned her back to him and quickly closed the bag before throwing it in her knock off louis vuitton bag.
- I'm working double shifts tonight, the steel factory boys are getting their paychecks today.
She didn't expect a response from him, he wasn't always very responsive, so she grabbed the keys and walked towards the door, took a glance at a piece of a mirror glued on the wall for a second, and adjusted her bra a bit lower before she headed out.
He pushed the seat back with his knees while standing up, and took the bowl to the sink. as he turned the tap on, the door opened suddenly and the woman came back rushing into the kitchen tripping in her heels, while putting back on her pink fluffy scarf that fell off her left shoulder, she headed back to the cabinet and grabbed the rest of her smokes and went out as fast as she came in.
Nathan wasn't "planned", his mother julie made that statement occasionally when he would do things that would piss her off by her standards, which usually included things like not bringing her the right brand of smokes, or not cleaning after her mess when she comes back late at night, as drunk as she could get, and starts bumping into walls and furniture. He knew that, he knew that a woman like her would never plan to have a child, she couldn't even keep it together herself, he knew that and he accepted it, it made it allot easier for him to cope with the whole situation, and it gave room to other factors to take place and mess up whatever is left and still considered decent in his life.
Dad haven't been responsive too, at least for as long as nathan could remember. his james deen wannabe uncle told him once that his father was a pretty eased man, until his greed for more got him involved with some bad italians, and was found in the back alley of a pizza place one night, beaten like a dog, left to die. Now he sits all day long on his wheel chair next to the window, observing people come and go down the street, women dressed like his wife approaching any slowing cars like hungry puppies, or the occasional drug deals going hairy, which can be rather entertaining for a guy stuck on a chair like him. One of the three italians that settled the debt with him felt like they didn't give the guy much of a lesson so he came out of the car after they beat him up and managed to let his boot go for the grand finale, breaking his jaw sideways and a giving him a nasty crack on his skull that bounced off the wall. He was unable to talk or move most of his body ever since. He became a soulless man, one that had everything he wanted and thought that it would last, a man that you would usually spot coming out of the ladies bathroom at the bar with a smirk on his face, but ended up a diaper wearing, thirty four years old, no good of a husband. the look on his eyes shows that he hasn't come to terms with this yet, it's been seven years now, and for seven years his eyes haven't been of a living man, dark brown soulless eyes looking at the street below. even the fish's look glorious compared to his.
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The building where they lived had only two apartments occupied, there's and Mr. Heights on the top floor, who was a jazz man, and played every night from 22:10 to 23:45. Aside from them and a colony of rats, the building was also a home for junkies during the months of winter, they took whatever apartments they found unlocked and hibernated, living off canned food and drugs. Low expectations meat sacks, parasites feeding on each other and the leftovers of the city. Nathan had no sympathy for them.
The noise of the city streets got louder as he approached the main entrance of the building on his way out, it was wide open and has been for a couple of weeks now. Some junkie probably took the door knob and sold it for a bag, and the landlord never bothered to fix it. these zombies can do anything to stick a needle up their arms, less than a week ago, a girl was raped by a gang of dealer in exchange for a couple of grams, And died in the process.
Its the first day of snow this year, Nathan stopped on the entrance for a second to get a feel of the weather, and rolled a scarf around his neck and mouth, Its going to be a long walk.
He had to transfer to a new school after he was expelled for stabbing another student with a pencil in his hand palm,"he provoked me" that's all he replied with when asked about what happened. He didn't wanted to say that it was because the other kid was talking about his mom. During lunch break he was telling other kids that his dad had loud sex with nathan's mom when he picked her up and brought her home. It wasn't his mother's reputation that kept him back from justifying his act, he just didn’t want child services to take him away if they ever found out, the last thing he wanted was a new set of parents.
He crossed the street and heard his name being called, he slowed his pace without looking back. there was only one kid who would call him, "junior" or "jhonny boy" as his big sister liked to call him, who walked two blocks with him and nathan every morning to school, before she took the 7th to the diner where she worked. Nathan knew him for about three months now, after he moved to this school. He didn't mind him, He talked a bit too much though, but he was the only kid who spoke to him, and his sister made them both sandwiches.
- "ey wassup!", approaching.
- "hey"
- "i didnt see you at the game yesterday, man we got our asses whooped!"
- "nothing too unusual."
- "well you're relatively new to this school, i guess the school's spirit haven't grown on you yet. Or you just some white punk who don't give a brother credit when its due."
- "what credit, for getting your ass whooped? oh please, allow me."
- " i dont fucking know man..."
His sister Tania walking busy behind them pulled her hand from her purse and tapped him on his head, "language, boy!"
- "okay look, maybe we don't deserve no credit for the ass whoopin' yesterday, but it dont mean you don't show love to your people, you gotta pick a side man, highs and lows, gots to represent. Look man, there's only one way around these streets, you either with a pack, or you gon' get your white ass chewed."
- "hey, its just kids basketball, we're eleven?"
- "so? "
- "so?? So you need to stop with that boyz in the hood mentality thing you got going on, you see these people on the street? The majority of them are going to share the same closures to their stories, end up in the same slaughterhouses, cold morgues, or cell blocks, and do you know why is that going to happen? Cuz they go in in packs. These streets, this block, this hood, are nothing but a dumpster for people, where the city sends its rejects, so that they can do the people downtown a favor, and get rid of each other.", he looked back at tania standing busy with her purse and leaned to junior whispering "and the only way out of this shithole is solo, dawg"
- "talk about being eleven. You white people think about shit too much, look at you man all you do is be depressed as shit all day long thinking about dark shit in them marilyn manson boots you got going on. Pshhh dawg, come on.." and tania striked again. "what? I didn't say nothing!"
- "i heard you saying shit!"
- "you trippin sis"
- "you better be watching that mouth of yours, or ill show you what trippin' is! Now look, you kids come back right after school, Mama's cooking for us. I forgot my keys back home, i gotta run back. And you nathan, i made you your favourite sandwich, its here in johnny boy's gangsta lunch box." and she handed a sparkly green lunch box to junior.
- "uh uh, i ain't walking around with that, white boy, you take it"
Nathan took it from her hand, and with a delicate smile he said "thank you".
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Night fell upon the city, the time where people are usually awake and fully themselves. no one is really up from nine to five, eyes might be wide open but true essence is shut down. whether you are wearing a sharp suite or a yellow helmet, people are mostly sleep walking from nine to five, only living inside their skulls. at night you can be yourself and have the time to indulge in whatever lust you were working all day to afford. Certainly not the case for everyone, those who work the night are the ones we usually pay to feel good about ourselves: the bartender, the pizza boy, nathan's mom.. The night has a way of bringing the worst and best out of people, something daylight seems to block.
A breeze from the window reminded nathan that his father needed a blanket, even when it rained or snowed, he wouldn't allow the window to be shut. But this time he didn't mumble when he needed his blanket, he was staring down at something. "He always does" nathan thought to himself as he was bringing him he's blanket, "why should I care?". But this time he had his sight fixed on something, at his wife down the street standing next to a car with her arms crossed.
Someone was at the door, it was the silhouette of a woman, she knocked gently twice, nathan opened the door and it was ava, julie's friend.
"You must be nathan" she said looking at him, "I came to.. Julia! Your mom is a little busy she couldn't make it, yea.. She sent me here to pick up some stuff for her, its a little bit hectic at the club you see, so she had to work over time." She kept looking at him as if she was hoping he wouldn't notice that she was making that up on the spot. " I just need to get some stuff she forgot for her.. Performance, anyway! Can I come in?"
He opened the door and let her in. She went down the hallway and it began to sink in. She didn't need anything for her performance, she is leaving. Why would she need to lie? She doesn't usually bother to make up lies, she always did stupid shit and never regret it. She is leaving, and she didn't want to deal with, as careless as they come.
Of course he could just go down the stairs and stand at the entrance of the building to make a declaration that he is aware of her departure, not even speak a word, just stand there so she can see him and maybe the sight of him would tingle some warmth in her, but this isn't one of those cases where people would usually get something like an epiphany, that would make them all of a sudden extremely self aware pushing them to rethink every choice in life in a matter of seconds. If she want to leave then there is nothing he could really do, he could go down the stairs and stand at the entrance to the building, maybe she would go up again, but that would be it. It wouldn't change much more than that, she will remain the same woman, with the same husband and the same habit of losing her drugs somewhere in the house and the same mirror glued to the wall.