It has been years trapping my very own in a self made cage full of thoughts of you. Because after all these years, I was hoping it would be us still. I had my mind set itself In quite a search for you, I had my eyes locked straight, when someone else had its own lenses straight and focused on me.
It has been years of not seeing, or is it just I did not want to. I made myself blinded with our past I could not see the present lying in front of me, nor the greater future lying ahead, I dared myself not to look.
Is it maybe because I had never fallen in love
quite deeply than the love I had for you, Or maybe I did, maybe I was about to, but fear itself keeps pulling me back. Or was it just myself who did not want to.
Quite frankly, I was too afraid that someone else might be better than you. I was too afraid that the ‘best I ever had’ was not the best at all. Cause deep down I know I was only lying to myself when I say you are the best for me.
Few years back, I put quite a pride when I wanted to prove everyone our love was the strongest. And right now, I want to prove myself its still true. That after all the storms and hurricanes we’ll still be together, but we parted even before all these came. Wait, no, we did not part, you left. You left even before the greatest storm came. You left when it was only grey skies and the rain. And despite that, I stayed. And when heavy rain passed, I kept still - full of hope, waiting, still waiting.
For years I did, but then I stopped, and still loved you nevertheless.
I learned to let go of pride and hold on to new hope when someone else was holding on to me. Under the grey shade of skies, I stood still and he stood with me. I stopped standing still when I realised he was there. Keeping me safe, keeping me dry amidst this pouring rain. And he stood silent when I was drowning in tears. He stayed even after hearing my unending story of love and hope of you until I stopped, not because I ran out of words, but because my voice could no longer be heard. He stayed, even after. He stayed, with no words blurted, but held my hand. As if it speaks - I heard it reassures and so I understood even with no words spoken.
He chose to stay despite all my own chaos, so I chose to stay with him. He loved me when I could not even love my own. Love is a choice so I chose to love him. I choose to learn to love him, and there’s nothing more real than that.
True love are not the ones you feel when you first met someone. It is not something that happens within a blink of an eye.