The future is a blank canvas wondering hills trembling like the wave of darkness a jail of despair and shame with broken smile. The only good thing with human is to decide things for yourself either your wrong or right. Feelings change, colors fade, structure collapse, the only thing that eternal in this world for human is sin.
A back story from someone who is trapped by sin the more you step forward the more rejected you feel. It will bind your life miserably. Imagine yourself inside an oceanic chamber like a fish it will follow the current, join a group or go with the flow. It will bump to walls that it cannot see drinking the view of light reflected by the sea.
Play with the game of time even if the line breaks dyeing your heart with scarlet carrying the unending today. The materials that I had started to become unreal. I can hear their tears drip from their eyes. Felt like I am inside a box without a door or windows not knowing if it’s day or night. What a tangy sweetness in this taintless world. Unlike when you are riding a Ferris wheel you can see the world outside. It also gives you the pleasure of being on the top and the defeat of being below. In the end you are circling on the same spot. The hand that is extended to you seems to drift further the more you reach for it. The more it faded. Accepting it by giving up and closing your heart. Funny how human can lie without a second thought even to themselves, getting used to it that it became scary even your shadow cease to exist making the pixie dance a sad rhythm seducing the lonely soul in the dark with fragrant whispers unlocking the riddle of the fairy song. Wallowing in pleasure taking the sweet poison that slaves you to sin, tending the bitterness in your heart to grow and bloom choke by its thorn.
Role risking your life for someone else people often forget their sins yet that does not mean those sin will be erased, after all it is a lifetime stigma that will make you feel sorry that you were born. I do not even want to crawl or walk foe even a ghost had a true love. Looking up to the starless sky, hiking up my raspy voice as I pray singing a song that calls to miracle for I know even a phantom cannot be saved by a noble’s kiss. There will be rain but I know this hope will not grow rayless. Just when you thought that it is the end, pages of book written in old ink saved your life. It is the treasure that I seek it may not glitter like gold yet it provided the comfort I desired. It cannot hug me but it touched my heart. Book that is worth keeping and stories that are worth telling. An armor that is unquenchable to ward evil. Verses that is strong enough to melt a frozen heart. It can burn bridges that we can’t feel and break walls that we can’t see. Root of all wisdom and river of love, compass of the lost and map to eternal life known as the bible.
Reading it made realize that life is not about you, back then I was too focused in myself. I have forgotten that He is always by my side. I’m too busy dwelling about my pain and dilemmas but he never look away from me. He always thinks about me and planned great things ahead of me. For His thoughts are higher than mine. I’ve been blinded by my sin that I have turned my back away from Him. I’ve been eaten by my earthly desire that I slapped away His hands.
Reminiscing from the things that I have done so far, it slipped my mind that the life that I have is not about them and I. It is between me and God. I’ve been tripped in the dark and swallowed by the raccoon of bitterness. I let my sin capture and turmoil me. The fear that entangled me and the emptiness that tore me cause me to bleed as I was pierced by betrayal and rejection. I remember clear as the sky. I confidently point my finger above and cursed Him blinded by my pain without realizing that I am denying my own creator. Pathetic isn’t it? I am one of His creations an art in motion gifted with free will yet I only resent Him. My spirit grieved and broke His heart. Finally it hit me that nothing is unfair and everything is fair for He is an equalizer with Him nothing is impossible as long as you believe. For he longs for our love he endured millions of unrequited love yet He never demand for his love to be returned. He only waited patiently and guard us even it breaks His heart. He wept as we flood our bed with tears. He listens to our wailing without complain yet we never call out His name. He supported us in our decisions even without consulting Him. Even if we blame him hundred times he forgives us and welcomes us with open arms. He showered us blessing and answered our prayers to show how much He cared for us. He provided warmth from the shadow of our sorrow.
Almost may not change anything but if I will trust my life to Him everything will be added unto me. I may not be a princess rescued by a prince nor a civilian saved by a hero on the verge of death. I am just a human that is holding dwellings in the darkness I am the light, I may not shine bright like a diamond but one thing is for sure I am a sinner that reflected His love. For His love is greater than our sin. He has given us unlimited chances by giving His only begotten son. He even offered thousands of promises that are eternal.