If I can't save myself, maybe I can save other people instead. Even if only for a few moments.
Every night as you close your eyes, horrible thoughts keep creeping in your mind and
they won't stop.
They won't stop until you realize you are crying, feeling the sharp pain in your chest. It will keep banging your head until it's throbbing. Your hands will hold tight to your headrest in an attempt to block the pain. It will fail.
They won't stop until you are on your knees, clutching your chest, begging for it to stop.
As your thoughts slowly fade, you will go on your computer or your phone. You will wipe the tears still fresh on your cheeks. You will go on that site in which you pour your heart into and silently hope that maybe
just maybe
someone out there would feel the same way. They will ask you if you are doing okay and you will tell that stranger that you are not. That you need help. They will tell you that they've felt the same way and that they will be there when you need them. You will be happy.
But tomorrow when it happens again, you'd have forgotten that they even existed. It would not be enough.
So you go to that site again, this time, you will see someone that has felt the same as you did. You will try to help that person even though you know that it will only last for the night. You will try your best.
You will save someone for a night as those who have tried to save you, did. Even if you couldn't save yourself. Even if they couldn't save themselves. You will still try. Because that's how it is.
You save them from themselves, and as you do, you do not realize that you are saving yourself, too.