I thought it was a day that I will look forward to; a day I've always waited every year since I was a kid. But ever since I started to enter the adulting stage, that day turned into nothing but my usual cup of tea. It turned out to be a day without anything special in it.
However this year, I quite expected it to be more fun and enjoyable. But it was all just my expectations. There was nothing into it because nothing special happened on that day that I expected so much.
I waited, and waited, and waited for the biggest plot twist that I wished to happen on that day. But 12 AM turned into 11:59 PM until that day has come to an end. Still, nothing has happened. Maybe what they said was true, that waiting for something to happen will make it more impossible to happen.
I guess I've learned my lesson that never ever expect and wait for something to happen. If you want it to happen, then make it happen. Make it happen for yourself.
I've remembered my dream. In that dream, I ended my life on the exact date of my birth. Maybe death was something I'd been waiting for. But who am I fooling? I'm scared of what could happen if my plan to end everything fails. I'm scared of seeing the people I'll leave behind shed tears because of me. Am I even worthy of those tears, anyway? But what I'm most scared of is my loved ones forgetting everything about me once I leave this world.
Maybe I was really scared of being forgotten. I was even scared of being alone. So who am I fooling? It's not death that I fear. It's the things that may and may not happen once I die.
Since that dream, I've hoped for the biggest surprise, the grandest plot twist of my life to happen on my birthday. Yet, nothing happened. Maybe I expected too much. Maybe I should've just done whatever happened in that dream of mine. Maybe the surprise and the plot twist that I've been waiting for was my death.
Maybe after all this time, it's death that I was actually waiting for.