Fall in seasons
Loner. Isolate. Deviant.
Weirdo. Geek. Odd.
I was called of various names.
But my real name never marked on anyone's memory.
Yours did. I had it etched in my heart, so it left me invisible wounds. You said all I needed was time, to heal all these. You said I'll later on, forget you. But time just caused me scars. Well, these scars? These lines would keep me reminded of you all throughout my existence.
Have you even remembered how it started? How much I was comfortable being alone? Many a people associated it directly with melancholia. You even thought of me as a damsel always in distress. But it wasn't always like that.
It wasn't even anything like that. I was just there often, sitting in my favorite bench in the park. I was observing and enjoying the leaves falling... I was there, left undisturbed, loving the moment. I was more than satisfied as I adored the colors fading in. Often smiling at the leafless trees and feeling the perfect blend of temperature.
But that one autumn morning, you suddenly joined me in.
You blew the gentlest of all winds. It wasn't so overwhelming but it felt real nice to feel you mildly caressing my skin. It was a bit quiet, but I felt your strong urge to pull me close, and to even draw me in. And you then started, by asking me to stroll with you.
Well, you fairly reminded me of my distant childhood as we stepped unto the crunchy leaves scattered on the ground. You made me reminisce moments I've long forgotten. It was perfectly calm and serene. I felt at peace, that your collective air opened my secured portals.
You liberated me. You exposed me to the world of open reality. You showed me how alone time could be that great. But you made me feel that happiness would be at its finest when shared with another soul.
I admit, it was all amusing, but also, terrifying.
It was so sudden for a change. It was something new to me. And I knew, from that very moment, it was a different type of fall. And everything, will never be the same as ever.
You were like springtime coming alive. Your smiles reminded me of minute buds of feelings slowly blossoming into beautiful flowers. Your laughters reminded me of birds chirping and hopping in between trees. You were like a breath of fresh air. You brought me a tinge of hope and a hidden fountain of joy.
You made me believe in fresh starts and second chances. You awakened my remote, buried feelings. You tamed my wild dragons and sent me colorful butterflies instead. It was dreamy and gay for me. But I can't lie further. It was all pretty awesome.
Even if I said, I never wanted to fall again, it felt like I already plunged into loving you.
But. It felt amazing.
Your eyes... they were brown. Pretty ordinary, I must say. But as we continually held each other's gaze, I began to see through your soul. I bet, you've seen through mine as well. Staring at you felt like gazing at myself in the front of the mirror. And then it happened. Brown wasn't just a color anymore. It became my most favorite hue, right from that moment.
You brought me unexpected things.
For once, I felt my coldest winter. I was so delighted to feel the snow with my bare hands. It was another first. It felt pure and heavenly. To see the flakes falling dramatically from the dark skies. And so, I attempted to build my own snow figures. A temporary solace probably, or so I thought. But your feelings of confusion destroyed it in an avalanche.
I wrapped myself around in scarves and mittens. I covered myself in unusual thick layers. I tried finding a bit of warmth from you. But as I reached out my hand, you gave me frostbite. Your biting cold passed through my thick layers. It was all seeping... and prickly... Numbing me, way deep down to my core. I was freezing. Almost to death.
Yet I never thought you'll leave me all alone. I solely faced your angriest blizzards I've never felt before.
Then, you spared me a bit of your light. It was just a peek from your cloudy sky, but it gave me a chance to stay alive. Or so I thought.
It started with light rays, until they became wide beams. Your sudden happiness was so contagious, I can't help but grin as well. You were having your greatest summer, and there I was, looking at you in a distance. I was observing again. Seeing you having your time of your life, frolicking under the heat of the blazing sun.
Your carefree spirit was too evident. You were too nice and amazing, I was afraid everyone would like you too. There was something disturbing me from the inside that I hoped to cover you... But who am I to flick off such light? And so, I just let you be.
Well your light, has indeed, blinded me temporarily. It made me squint. And maybe, well, apparently, the soul you caught after me, was blinded too.
Your summer heat has burned me enough. You had me parched, wilted and extremely exhausted. You drained everything from me. But there you were, oblivious of the damage you've caused.
You were still becoming more and more radiant. You were glowing so bright. Drenched in the intensity of your own feelings. You were there, spreading warmth to the extremes. You were there, sharing your immense emotion with her. Your so called-Love. To the girl you said you've chosen. To the girl you've led on at the same day of autumn... To the girl who was there beside me too.
To the girl I clearly knew.
To a different girl, who ended up not me.