I was not supposed to get hurt
I was not supposed to cry
I was not supposed to wait
I was not supposed to love
But I did all.
Someone told me how I never wanted a lover
Even before
Even now
Even for the rest of my life
But I betrayed myself.
Everything I believed and never wanted to experience have already happened and maybe still happening
I did not ask for my feelings to be just here and just be present
Knocking my feet, making me stumble
Yet the walls I've built have holes and cracks.
The things I start, I make sure to end
But I never really wanted any of these to start
I tried to not feel but how could I ever stop my heart from skipping every beat and inhaling all of you?
Smitten but shaken, I think I've lost me.
I wanted to end this state of being and be the woman who only feels cold again but I don't know how
I've been falling too deep and the walls are too smooth, no means of climbing
My wings were torn, never to be repaired
If I can turn back time, I may have would,
Though we all know what answer that old saying has.
A feeling like this
An emotion like this
A love like this
I'm too afraid to have.