When Rebecca said “The happiest moments will also be a little sad.”, I felt it the most in the past few weeks. I know I write a lot of sad stuff, perhaps romanticize them too. Maybe I am looking for chaos or maybe drama is a part of my personality now. So, when I dressed up in a saree to attend my virtual farewell with a man who was going through a real quarter life crisis, I thought to myself “Maybe this moment could have been better than this.”. When I waited for more than a month for my brother’s homecoming only to get extremely sick on the day of his arrival, I thought to myself “I wish I was energetic enough to be excited for him.” When I got a job offer from a company I really wanted to work at, I thought to myself “I wish dad wasn’t disappointed with the salary.” I keep thinking to myself: What if I get what I had always wanted but it’s not quite how I pictured it? What if all my happy moments always end up remaining a little sad? And then I wonder, am I even chasing happiness? What if it was never happiness and just peace?
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