Well we sometimes fear too much. We are so much blinded by the fog of fear that we do not see the beauty beyond the mist. Fear has created us, it keeps us alive and; well its practically human nature, but still we want to keep it miles away from us. The thought of fear even poisons our pleasant present. We think it is the end of the world, we see sheer blackness but fail to open out eyelids which make us look things black. And then we get out, finally! And we move on, recalling what just happened to be a bad memory sighing and wanting it to never come back. We get going and also years after when memory murmurs we laugh at our own foolishness. ‘Was I actually afraid of that situation’ we exclaim in humor. Well this trait is obviously natural; it has to be there; for after all fear has created us, it keeps us alive. But in this natural process of being afraid (everything goes perfectly right, in the natural way) but what isn’t natural, or rather morale is that we treat fear like a loathsome venomous snake. No... Fear is our friend, an inevitable one. He is that’s why we are and we will have to accept this fact.
One such story of fear was of my little brother.
The sky was blue, not the usual afternoon light blue but it was grey-blue or let’s just say it turquoise. Dark approaching clouds-black and white loomed farther on the fading mountains. The earth was soundless; only the wind was speaking, whispering sometimes. My little brother though seven o’clock was yet asleep.
“Wake up... sleeping beauty!” my mother reiterated the third time looking towards me with a face of humor.
But in spite of his pointy alarm piercing his ears along with us, he didn’t wake up. Of course he was awake, wide awake but he never wanted to open his eyes.
Mom shrugged his body and dragged his blanket away an act to which he finally reflected.
“Umm... Mom... What are you doing!”
“Wake up now its seven o clock ----- stop acting, you’re getting late”
“I’m not going today”
“What.... but you have your seminar today right?”
“No”
“What No”
“I’m not having any seminar. It’s a normal working day”
“---- ---- don’t lie to me, your brother has told me all”
“What!” he exclaimed and jumped out of the bed. He was petrified.
I having finished my dressing killed him in suspense and smiled evil. He was terrified as well as inclined to be ashamed.
“You know... it’s all a lie. He is playing with you!” he said defending his character.
“But why’ll he play over a trifle of a seminar. I know your brother has more potential to do worse than this” she said pragmatically after moving downstairs to the kitchen.
He looked at me and said irately - “Dare you say that to anybody! This thing is between us”
And I preserving my self-esteem reflected “Huh... do I seem to care?”
And saying I moved downstairs for breakfast not caring much for my little brother. Although a soft corner of pity had taken a shape in my heart after what had happened yesterday with him, but that corner was the farthest and had little room in it. Well he didn’t needed pity, for all pity makes a strong person is ashamed of himself, but it was also not wholly right to say he was strong. What happened the other night was... well it’s a pretty long story. But all that was of concern wasn’t what happened but what will happen in the coming time. I took a seat and started sluggishly and he came after me to argue with mom. I was three years elder to him and that’s what three years of an elder brother’s life can teach- ‘Never argue with your mother. She is always right. Arguing is an impasse which has only one way out- shut up. Turn a deaf ear nodding every time, and if you’re smarter enough speak sweet.’
But my innocently correct minded brother didn’t know this fact and I couldn’t teach him, for all but experience could teach him that, and all but experience also must’ve taught him another truth about women... you know; the other night...
“Mom I know it’s my seminar okay, but the thing is...” he paused to try to get some excuse right and looked out of the window. The sky was not turquoise but greyer and the approaching clouds transitioned into a large black watery-looking chunk. And he said “the thing is look out! It’s going to rain!”
Mom was hard of hearing; she never heard but always said.
“--- ---- I don’t want to hear anything. You are going to school and that is final”
“But mom I’m telling you it is going to rain and you know that I hate rains. I hate everything about rain. Freezing water coming from silly balls of furry gases making you irritably wet and your trousers muddy! This is Torture!”
And he added “also I’ve spent a lot of time making the chart for my seminar. It must be the best of all; it is the best of all! And I simply could not let it be drenched in silly _____”
“Silly what?”
“Silly waters”
Well his words were strong, seriously strong though his side was of the irrelevant, so in this court there was no way that he could win, at least I think of it as it.
“Carry an umbrella, wear a raincoat. Do anything but go! I’ve spoken to dad about your consistently lowing marks and I can’t leave any rat hole now. Such a brilliant student you were --- but now you’ve been a spoil, a brat!”
“Mom please!”
Mom neglected my breakfast in this wrangling; the boiled eggs were cracked slimy and the sugars un-dissolved in my protein shake. Yet I was too cool to complain.
“It will not rain __ __. It cannot rain in this season”
It was winter, but nobody could say what would happen when. Only the climate and the guy were unpredictable.
He took his Smartphone out and surfed. Showing the phone to mom he said-
“Look here, proof that it’s going to rain”
It was the weather forecast website. And the forecast was overcast. It showed that it would probably pour. Probably pour...
“I don’t understand these Smartphones and all. Keep it to yourself. The forecast must be of some another date. I know how y’all kids of this generation fool slow moving old people like me”
But the day and date were real still mom wouldn’t agree. Well talking about me, taking my opinion, I hadn’t any problem with the rain, and I believe it was the same with him too. It was just the other night. And he by no way would give up his reluctance, and Mom too wouldn’t let go for such a silly reason.
He argued, argued, argued and argued. The mild argument soon was turning into a bitter discord. Mummy was growing more irritated and he was growing rebellious. He was back-answering Mom and I disapproved it. ‘If you had to be so rebellious, why weren’t you the earlier night?’ I wanted to say this but I controlled myself because that would’ve amplified his phobia.
It was finally time for me to speak to him, keeping my brotherly pride and ego beside. I broke the bond of conflict and dragged my brother upstairs leaving my mother busy. He kept yelling ‘what’s wrong’ ‘what are you doing’ but snubbed him till I reached the room.
“What’s your problem? What are you trying to do?”
I said “What’s your problem? What are YOU trying to do? Skipping school just because of a silly girl?”
“Hey talk soft. If Mom comes to know about it, I’ll kill you!”
“You should’ve showed the same arrogance there, when they had gathered around you”
“What do you know of that situation? You weren’t even there”
“I was there ----. I was there in the same situation as you were some years ago, but I was never afraid of that situation. I was bold, I fought it and because of my boldness I got her back! She is still with me, my girl. But what are you doing? Hiding! Know that you can hide a thousand times, but you can never escape”
“I’m not trying to escape. I’m just waiting”
“Waiting for what -----“
“It’s not like what you think. I’m all right. I’m just.... It’s just.... my seminar.”
“Really is it?”
“Yes it is. And talking of the girl, I liked her she refused me. That’s over”
“If that is over then what are you afraid of?”
“I’m afraid of her Boyfriend. There I said it”
“What’s with him? Tell me all”
“Well he saw the letter I wrote to her and then he came and said to me, unexpectedly- kindly ‘Look two guys can like the same woman. I can understand it. But the fact is that she’s chosen me over you. So drop her from your mind’. When he said that I was relieved from all my burden but then his friends read that letter too and there are rumors that for fun his friends are gonna bully me”
“Is that it?”
“Yes. That’s the whole situation.”
“Her boyfriend has cleared everything right, so why you have to worry?”
“I don’t know man. I’m just ashamed to go. I know those guys wont do anything but...”
“But what -----. Do you want me to come over? Will it help?”
“No man... it’s just... I just... want to stay here!”
“Hiding away from the situation wont help”
“I’m not hiding”
And it kept going on and on and on and on. Both I and him knew he was wrong, but we couldn’t help it. I had to let go. It was hard for me to teach this guy. After coming down, I persuaded my mother not to force him to go. I never told Mom what happened, she just reckoned it was something serious and she Okayed it. I got ready not thinking much about him and walked with style
He stayed, I moved. I walked leaning my head in contempt, thinking he would be a loser all his life. I was concerned after all, of course I am his elder brother and that’s what brothers do- they try to teach their little ones what they’ve already learnt. But circumstance teaches a person more than any person can do and so I left my last hope to circumstance. I walked thinking whether he was right or wrong. The sky was overcast and into the grayness of everything things were gloomier. Everything was silent, the earth was silent only the wind blew, whispering sometimes. The looming clouds over the mountains had vanished, probably they must’ve surpassed. The scent of the soil enlivened me a little. As I walked I saw him by the porch sitting on the chair looking at the skies with a triumphant smile. He had defeated the sky, the earth and everything in it. The smiling continued and the cloudless skies greyer.
It never rained.