It's paralysing. Fear that is. It makes you hold still in your place, not move one inch forward. Even at some times it takes you a step back. Fear is those hands that instead of extricating you from an endless infinite black hole, push you down it further. Fear has always paralysed me from reaching my potential. It killed, no murdered, my spirit. Fear of future, fear of people, fear of speaking, expressing, or making a statement. Fear of asking for more money, Fear of going out there and telling people: Here I am.
Fear even hindered me when playing basketball, the only sport that I consider myself good at. I am a good defender, but I have always been afraid of scoring the ball, out of fear that I will miss. See? Fear again. And when it comes to work, I never let anyone overwork me. Bad-ass. But, the problem is that I deserve more money but afraid of asking more out of Fear of rejection. Fear again. Sometimes I am afraid of talking in a meeting, only to discover afterwards that the idea I had, has never been mentioned before and is actually a good idea, but another employee had it and had the guts to speak it. Fear again. I always have this overwhelming feeling of locking myself in my room, sit in the corner and cry my heart out.
Whats far worse, is that Fear starts affecting your decisiveness in decision making, creating another barrier, Hesitation. I want continue my studies, but afraid of choosing the wrong major or wrong university. The problem is that am not getting any younger day in day out. "But why? why am afraid? why am I a salve to this trade?" when will I break free and fly like a free bird. When will I break this claustrophobic cage and spread my wings? I didn't do anything wrong to deserve this. Why me?
When will the Eminem, the 2pac, the Nas inside blow up? Oh dear reader, I have always heard from people and friends that I have a dragon hidden inside me waiting for that crack in the door so he can break loose. But my Fear and Hesitation are just tightening up the chains on it. When will I make change and break the chains? Am special and I know it. But when?...