Is it sacred as they taught us? Is it sacred? I tried to love so many times, and every time my heart is broken and shattered into pieces. Every one I tried to love, ends up calling me a word. My less favourite word in English. Friend. Friend? Is that what I am? Does it always stop there? The first one I loved used to love someone that ended up cheating on her. Guess who was there to pick up the pieces and be a good friend? Me. The second one left her boyfriend a long ago because he was, actually, an A-hole. Guess who was there too? Me. But only as a....friend. Every single time after that, the girl that like, every girl that steals my heart, ends up in the lap of another. Is it me? Am I that unlovable? Will I always be the friend in need. The fucking friend zone is killing me. Is consuming me. What have I done, dear God, to deserve all the suffering? Every girl that steals my hearts ends up in the lap of another. Is it me? It must be. Am dying here god. Are you even there. Its not that I don't try. I always try. When I love, dear God, I love with every single ounce of my heart's blood. What happens next? They get stolen from me. Over and over again.
Maybe I deserve this for being weak. But, dear God, When I decide to initiate THE talk with them, am always shocked that they have already found someone. Am crying and writing these words because It hurts. Dear God. It hurts. It hurts to always let them slip from under my fingers. To let them be won by another man.....Can't I die already? Can't I get a release from all the pain? Even the one that I confessed my love to, finally, said that she doesn't know me that well and is afraid. She turned me down. Her heart turned me down. A spear pierced through my heart. Is that love? The concept your deceived us with? Or were your intentions true, and WE ended up deceiving ourselves with it? Whatever it is. It hurts. I don't want it anymore. take it away from me. Just take it away...