Something is telling me to write today.
I’ve no idea if it’s a good thing or not but I’ll grab the chance to do it anyway. Anything will suffice; beggars can’t be choosy as I find it hard to write down my thoughts lately.
My fingers are itching to write something, anything and I can see in my imagination that my journal is throwing daggers at me for abandoning it for quite a long time now. Well, sorry buddy, I won’t take your offer. I’d rather type than ruin your pages (my handwriting is getting worse sometimes I can’t even read what I wrote) I guess I have that in me. Ruining something beautiful.
I deeply apologize.
But the main reason is that, I don’t want this to be confined in pages, I want someone to see this.
Maybe I’m just like any writer after all, vain. Or maybe I just want attention? Who knows.
Have you ever felt like you’re not yourself lately?
Or being you sometimes make your skin crawl and lately staring at the mirror makes you want to ask the reflection: Who the fuck are you?
Be it out loud or silently uttering the result is the same.
Silence.
The kind of silence that makes you want to run uphill, until you can no longer catch your breath and maybe then you’ll get the answer.
But you chose not to. You chose to standstill. Didn’t even dare to make a move. For moving, even just a little, seems like a tiring thing to do. Even thinking about it feels tiring.
And from there and then you realized you are tired because you have been running all this time.
Running away from everything.
Running away from yourself.
You know what sometimes we choose the easy way out. Maybe because we are always trying so hard.
To fit in. To be recognized. To be chosen. To be loved.
Sometimes our masks slip off and that put us off guard.
And we get scared.
Not when everyone knows you can handle everything.
That you are strong and nobody and no one can bring you down.
But you know what? Miss-Fix-It can’t fix everything.
You can’t help everyone and let alone save them.
Not when you yourself are also drowning.
So, Dear ME in the mirror,
Care to tell me Who are YOU?