Forget Me

It is May... season of mangoes. I hadn't had any mango in this season. Petrichor fills up the ambience. I stand in the portico, allowing the cold breeze caress my cheeks. My unkempt hair dancing to the rhythm of the wind. The nature is at its best... for the first time i have known such a weather in may.

I am not my usual self again. My heart is filled up with hatred, angst, sorrow, joy all at the same time- as if my soul is doomed. My mind races to the sky, beyond the clouds pouring down, my heart shattered to pieces; pieces so tiny that I am unable to gather them. All that I wanted, wished for vanished in thin air. My eyes wouldn't shed a single tear.  How I wish to cry my heart out. But then, I am expected to wear a smile on my lips, and conform to the social norms.

I love him with all my heart. One true love of my life.My companion of life. We shared pleasant memories, had petty fights. He used to tease me in a cute way. I am head over heels for him even today.

His smile is what i fell for. His wit exemplary.His eyes mischievous,but filled with love. His gestures generous and kind.

And never ever i thought that he would leave me alone fighting in this world.I am angry with him. Every morning, he woke me up with a tender kiss on my lips. I used to read him poems, or stories before going to bed. A package of joy for me. My life was so joyful and my soul calm and happy.

And then one day, like this damp day, I remember every second of that uneventful day....

I was out for groceries. I planned to prepare his favorite pakoras.When I was back, there was a note lying on our table... saying

"Good bye my dear. I leave you for us. Do not wait for me. Forget me."

How dare he to play such a prank with me, I thought. I searched him every nook and corner only to find that he wasn't there.  I called up his friends and colleagues. He resigned his job. I didn't understand what went wrong.

But i was persistent to find him. "How could he do this to me?" I was angry and worried.

Out of blue an acquaintance of mine called me up. He told me that he has seen him in an ashram in a small village in Kerala. I rushed to the place and my fears came true. He was suffering from a  very rare disease Leukodystrophy- the white matter of the brain is damaged and motor functions decrease, muscles become rigid and eventually leading to death. There is a great lack of treatment for this disease.

He didn't want to see me. How could he think I would love him less; or leave him in any condition. I was sorry that he couldn't share his sorrows with me. I couldn't prove to be his support. He was my support system, my back bone, my life. He told me to forget him! I spent the remaining time tending to him, praying that he would get well soon, and as usual, what i wished for never came true.

Now I can only feel his presence; in breeze that caress me. I receive his kisses through the morning sun light. I cry and his portrait smiles back at me. How can I forget him? He is not just a memory, he is my life.

Though the essence of living is lost, I stay alive for the sake of his child; our sweet little boy. I shall live to make him like his father, a wonderful man.

His mischievous eyes and smile, his touch- so gentle, he is his father's boy! How I wished he was by my side as a person! Well I know he has never left my side... always around me...in the nature. But still I need to pluck up the courage and fix my shattered heart for the sake of my little boy- who has never known his father.

My thoughts shift to my baby as he comes running to me drenched in rain and soaked in mud. Naughty like his daddy!