What do I do..? When did the Sun turn up? I'm sure I didn't wake up. You wake up only when you had slept. And I've lost that damn sleep for months. Sleep is just another illusion as Love. To the minds that believe in it, they serve and for the others who do not believe in it - they both are mere words. I believed in Love. I was in Love. I was happy and slept for 8 hours a day happily. But they are in the past.
The present is weird with her memories and sleeplessness alone. I wish to move on. Hence I'm in this process of forgetting. One thing people say about forgetting is, 'If you wish to forget something, do not try forgetting it. The more you think of forgetting, the more you get reminded of it'. I've dumped all those things and gifts and cards she gave me. I've burnt them all, fearing that I might pick them back if I just throw them somewhere.
Forgetting is a weak word for what I have in my mind. I need to erase her off my memory. Like a cyclone which plucks everything off from the groove in a moment. Something that would take all the memories from my mind in a snap. It is not that I hate her so much. But I don't want to get reminded of her. I want to throw her off my mind with this same love before it turns out as hatred for her.
May be a hot shower could help a momentary dismissal of her memories. I stand naked just like when I was born. The droplets from the shower didn't show any sign of heat on it and I stood with my eyes closed for it to drench me with a relief. The icy cold drops hit my forehead. Her first kiss - when we were more than just friends - was on my forehead. It felt the same. It hit my forehead, stayed there for a moment and then slipped off. Freaked out, I opened my eyes to check whether the heater is really turned on or not.
While I raised my head to check that damn thing, hot sprinkles hit harder on my cheeks. Her first slap - it was on her birthday when I badly spoiled the plans and went very late. She had made a lot of excuses to her parents to be out on that day and I failed to make it right - The slap was so hard and I wasn't sure whether she cried for the spoilt plan or by the pain in her hand that slapped. Thin stream of hot water flowed through my chest - right after the slap she hugged and wept. I felt her breathe and tears through my shirt.
Droplets that weren't as hot as when it touched my head now fell on my shoulder from my hair. When it turned to Love, She loves to kiss my shoulder from behind while we go for bike rides. Neither too hot, nor cold, the droplets felt like her kisses over my shoulders. Wait.. What.. I came here to forget her and all that I did was to think of her during every single second of my bath.
I can't decide what's next. I do not know any other steps or ways to forget her. To Love someone, may be there are some steps like meeting up, having a conversation, trying to impress or expressing our heart. But is there any such way to 'forget' someone. What could I do when a simple daily chore reminds me of her even after burning all those things given by her. I'm blank, just blank as an empty sheet where things around me scribble things in my mind that remind her and erase it off leaving marks. The marks that'd never fade.