It was way past midnight as I strutted along the empty streets. Wind wheezing past me as specter, I wrapped around my shawl in an attempt to block the cold eerie feeling I am slowly succumbing in. December nights are usually cold but it was not what was leaving my palms frozen and white. My mind was braving the aftermath of the words she just said. Yes, what SHE said just now. "Will you let me free, Jamie?"
It was last autumn when I first met Auro. Weird name. She was sitting by the ice-cream vendor across the street. Pale skin, frizzy hair, denim pants with a black shirt to go with. What really caught my attention was the pair of big, bright eyes. Sufficiently bigger for her face. As if sensing I was staring at her she looked up, straight into my eyes. I froze, not knowing whether she will create a ruckus or not I tried shifting my gaze. She smiled at my attempt and breathed back life into me. I somehow smiled back.
Eventually we started going out. I learnt that she worked in a florist's shop on the next street, where we first met, along with pursuing her degree in Arts. Where as I was working in a library besides working as an intern in a private bank. It was not a normal affair that we had. Normal in the sense, it was nothing as an affair at all. It was more of friendship with a blend of care and affection, with no future prospects. We just loved being together, chatting our way back to our places, watching movies or plays, gardening because she loved it, cooking together for I loved to see her marvel at how good a cook I was. It was a bond deeply rooted in our existence, our individuality, our lives that we simply could not ignore its warmth, passion and serenity.
Today, we planned to meet each other after work to celebrate her graduation. She was so happy and so was I. But I could sense a certain restlessness in her manner, her rambling or her roving eyes. As if she was trying to withhold a tornado but it is forcing itself out, rupturing her organs with its vitality. But I refrained myself from asking her. May be I was afraid of what she might say. Or rather did I somehow emancipate what she might say? I don't know. As we reached her doorsteps, she clenched my palm and in a hushed tone said "May I ask for a favour?" I laughed and said "Anything for you." She paused for few seconds, as if collecting her words with precision and said "Will you let me free, Jamie?"
To be frank I did not understand what she meant. I looked into her big eyes, trembling now for some reason unknown to me. I asked "What do you mean Auro? What exactly do you want me to do?" She blurted out, " You see dear, I know you love me and I have said you several times in the past that I do too. But I don't. In fact I never did. It was your company that swayed me into this relation, your effervescent nature and I did try to make myself believe this is destined for me. But this simply isn't me. It never was. I am sorry Jamie, I don't deserve you. Will you let me free?"
I was stunned. Heart-broken was not what I was feeling, it was more intense. It was something undefinable. It was in a state of delusion that I started walking away, her calling out to me seemed like a dream. I walked, kept on walking till I realized that I was near the Snow White lake. We have spent many evenings near this lake talking about art, architecture and sculptures. I tugged my shawl over my ears and sat down on one of the benches near the lake. She is asking me to leave her. Never did I want to marry her. All I wanted was to be with her. Was that too much to ask? I could not just fathom why she said so. Set her free, was I chaining her down, pouring my care on her wings and tying her feet with my affection. Was I?
I inhaled the cold breeze that splashed into my nasal cavity and froze everything in its path. Slowly I walked towards the lake. I saw the clear water reflect back my face. I stared hard at my own reflection trying to see what drove her away. Unable to find anything I kicked the water. Cold water splashed on my denim, on my black shirt. I sat beside the edge of the lake waiting for the water to be clear again. Five minutes, ten minutes and then when it stood still I stared back into it. I saw my face, pale skin may be paler now because of the assault of the cold wind. Big, bright eyes sparkled back at me, thick frizzy mop of fair swaying in the damp air . My shawl hung over my shoulder. "So I will set you free, dear. I surely will."
SPLASH. I saw Jamie jump into the river and drowning into the dark blue water. Or was it Auro? I don't know. My vision got blurred due to cold water all over my face. Free bird at last.