It was March 20, 2014, six days after my 10th Board Exams, I was enjoying my summer vacation. The weather was very windy that day. As usual I went to my neighbor, Sneha’s house in the evening. We used to play music together at her home. She was a keyboardist and I used to play guitar. After the jamming we went to the nearby Dairy to have some lassi. While we were sipping our lassi, suddenly Sneha’s phone rang. She got a text message, she read the message loudly, “hey who is that girl with the guitar in her hands? Come to the Park.” I asked her, “who is that?” she said, “he is a very good friend of mine. He is a guitarist too like you and he wants to meet you.” I was perplexed, though I was excited to meet another guitarist. We went to the park. He was sitting on the park bench. When I walked towards him, his gaze was stuck on me as if he was eagerly waiting to see me clearly. He was around 6 ft tall and was wearing a royal blue T-Shirt and black Jeans. He had black bands in his hands.
Sneha said, “Hi Mohit”, he was still looking at me.
She is Neeti, “the girl with the guitar.” She is my neighbor, uttered Sneha. He was interrupted by her voice and said, “Hi.”
I reciprocated to him, “hey”
He asked “umm.. guitar?”
I mumbled, “yes, I play guitar.”
He said, “Impressive! Can you play something on your guitar?” I played the music of “pani da rang” on my guitar. He was really impressed by my song and I could see astonishment in his eyes.
He said, “I had never seen a girl playing guitar so well.”
I said, “thank you.”
My heart skipped a beat when I looked into his eyes as if his shiny bright eyes casted a spell on me. For one hour we three kept talking on various topics but mainly about music. His music taste was entirely different from mine. His favorite music genres were heavy and black metal. I liked soft rock and indie pop. Irrespective of our music tastes our love for music was same. He was a big fan of the bands like Megadeth and Metallica and I wasn't even aware of them.
We were getting late, it was already 8 P.M. and we were talking since 2 hours. As I took my guitar to leave, he said "are you on Facebook?" I said, "yes.” Afterwards Sneha and I walked to our houses. Sneha’s house was near to the park. I still had to walk alone to reach my home. On the way I recalled about the mesmerizing events happened in the evening.
After some days when I logged in to my facebook account, I saw a friend request of Mohit Gupta, it’s him, I screamed. I didn't even waste a second and accepted it.He was online at that moment so his text came just right after that.
"Hi, how are you?”
I replied, “I am good, and what about you?”
He reverted, "I am fine. So, from where you are learning guitar?"
I replied, “Tansen Institute.”
He texted, “OK, right now I am in Ajmer, where my Aunt is staying. I will be leaving for shopping within a few minutes, can you suggest me what should I buy for Ananya?”
I asked, “Ananya? Who is Ananya?” I thought she might be her sister or any cousin, and waited for his reply.
After a gap of 5 minutes he replied, “Oh! I haven't told you about her? She is my girl friend.” I did not know why I felt bit sad about it. However, I reverted to him and suggested to buy a top for her.
He said, “I did not know her Top’s size.” I suggested him to buy an XL size, which I too wear.
He replied with a haha!, “but you are so slim and she is a fatso!”
I said, “Oh! So what are you going to buy for me?”
He said, “OK, so what do you want?”
I said, “No, nothing, I was just kidding.”
Suddenly my mother came into the room and shouted at me. “Are you still on Facebook? Don't you have anything else to do? Shut down the computer, go and study.”
As my mother left the room, I texted him what she said.
He said, “Yeah, she is right. But tell her that you are going to use your computer more because you will be talking to me too.”
I was typing my reply, before shooting my text he again sent me a message. “Hey! I have to leave now, we will talk later.”
I replied, “but I will not be able to come online late night. Do you have a message card on your phone?”
He texted, “uh.. no, I don't, let see if I can recharge it on my way. Bye!”
Though I too said bye to him I still expected a message from him. It was already too late to sleep. But I was unable to sleep and wait for his message till 12.30 AM and slept.
Sometimes, we used to talk on facebook. But he was busy at his aunt’s place and hence could not have frequent touch with me. Our conversation always revolved around our day to day activities, and we did not talk much.
After a week he came back to his home and we planned to meet each other. The other day he called me and told that he is going to pick me up. I was thrilled to meet him and I got ready within no time. He picked me up from a bit ahead from my home. I sat behind him on his bike. Then we went to eat gol gappe. While waiting for our turn to eat we saw a couple fighting and smiled.
He said to the gol gappe wala "uncle meethe gol gappe dena" I couldn't resist and started laughing. He was bewildered to see me laugh, “what is so funny to laugh", he said.
“You eat meethe gol gappe, gol gappe tastes best when spicy, and you eat meethe gol gappe,” I giggled again. He smiled and said nothing just kept looking at me while we were eating.
After that we went to the park, the same place where we met for the first time. We sat on a park bench maintaining a distance. We both were just sitting there silently. None of us spoke a word for 5 minutes and the silence was getting awkward and unbearable. There were people roaming in the park as usual for evening jogs, some to spent time with their friends and some children for playing and we two, just sitting there silently.
I murmured, “next time we will go somewhere else.”
“Yeah sure”, he said.
Then again that silence. He seemed to be nervous, so I spoke again. “Umm.. How is your girl friend?”
He laughed and said, “she is fine. You remember about her?”
“Yes, so how did you both meet?, how did your love bloom huh”, I said with a smirk.
He said, “That is a very funny story. Actually I wasn't going to propose her. Instead, she herself proposed me. I thought she was just making fun and must be joking, so I accepted her proposal. But she was very serious and I do not want to hurt her. Hence did not deny and let her to be my girl friend and still continuing.”
“Oh that's funny”, I said.
“What about your relationship status”, he grinned.
“Well I am single.”
He said, “you are such a sensible and pretty girl, how can you be single.”
He is such a cute flirt, I thought, and I said “thank you.”
We kept talking for 2 hours on various subjects while eating our ice cream. Those 2 hours were felt like 2 minutes. I wished we could talk more. Then he dropped me home. Our meetings became more frequent. Coffee, ice creams, music talks, jamming together became an everyday routine. We were always excited to meet each other. I think it was not just a feeling of likeness; I was falling in love with him.
One day Mohit called me to join him at the park with Sneha for jamming. We both went to the park and saw a girl sitting next to him. I asked Sneha if she knew who she was. Sneha replied, “she is his girlfriend, Ananya.” We walked towards them. He introduced, “hi! Neeti.., she is Ananya and Ananya, she is Neeti.” I just didn't like her, and I guess, she also felt the same for me. She did not seem to be happy after meeting me, which I could sense. He felt little bit difficulty in talking in front of Ananya.
The next meeting that I had with Ananya was at Sneha's house. We all met there for jamming and Mohit was also with her. It was really funny, actually he always wanted to talk to me but couldn't. After reaching home he used to text me that I was looking good today.
We became so close that he even forgot his commitment to Ananya. She believed that there is definitely going something fishy between her boy friend and me even though we used to meet casually. Ananya used to stop him from meeting me but we still used to spend a lot of time together.
After a week back meeting at Sneha's house, I met Ananya again, but I did not know that it would be our last meeting.
While I was studying I saw my phone ringing. It was Sneha on line, “Neeti you have to come to the park urgently”
“What happened?” I shouted. Sneha said, “Big fight is going on between Mohit and Ananya.” I said, “Ok, I will come”, and I went to the park straight away.
As soon as I reached there, Ananya asked me to open my Facebook account. I looked at Mohit, he indicated by shaking his head that no, not at all to do so. I had no idea what was going on.
Ananya asked me again, “come on, open your facebook account.”
This time Mohit spoke up, “you don't have to drag her into this, Ananya, we have self respect and we don’t need to prove anything to you.”
Ananya said angrily, “why shouldn't I? It's all happening because of her.”
I was annoyed by all this; I opened my Facebook and gave it to her. She read all our messages. We had many romantic chats, there were chats where we confessed our love jokingly, and we did bitching about Ananya, and how desperately he wants to spend time with me.
She was shocked after reading all of that and gave an ugly stare to me and went up to Mohit and said, “so, this is what you were trying to hide from me, you were lying to me all the time. Still I would give you second chance because I always loved you and I still do. You have to choose any one, either she will be in your life or me.”
Mohit just stood there for a second, grabbed my hand and we left.
He was happy that she left him on her own, and never tried to contact him.
Later on we used to meet every day, sometimes at the park, his home and at mine. Day by day our friendship got stronger.
The next day when we were in the park I was blabbering and he was just listening to me without saying a word. When I was back at home I got a text from him saying, “you were looking cute today.” I said, “thanks”. He replied, “I was about to kiss you.” I thought he must be joking and I texted him "oh really? Then why you didn't kiss me?” He said, “I thought you will get angry and sad, that's why.” I said, “hmm.. may be.” Next day we again met at the park and nobody was there at that time. We were cracking jokes and laughing stupidly, and suddenly we both became silent and he deeply looked into my eyes and came closer to me. His head tilted to the left, I was nervous my heart was beating fast and suddenly he moved back maybe because he sensed my nervousness but then suddenly he came close to me and kissed.
After that we didn't spoke a word and I guess we both were bit uncomfortable.
We looked at each other after a while and smiled. After that we decided to leave. Throughout our drive nobody spoke a word but usually we used to speak. He dropped me at home and left with a smile. I too smiled at him.
Whenever I go to his house, his mother used to treat me like her daughter. Both our parents knew about our friendship, but not the fact that we were much more than just friends. He neither asked me to be his girlfriend nor proposed as people usually say. We just knew that both of us love each other. Our every conversation was incomplete without an I love you and I love you too.
It was the time when he was preparing for his All India Pre-Medical Test (AIPMT) which was scheduled on 25th July, 2014 and only one month left for it. He had to prepare for his exams, so we stopped meeting. But we used to talk for hours every day. We didn’t realize how one month passed like talking on phone.
My summer vacation got over so I too got busy with school and as it was my 11th and I wanted a good score.
At last the day came, when he had to give the exam. I wished him good luck in the morning. I was also praying for him during my school hours. In the afternoon I called him to know about his exam. He said that his exam went very well. Though he didn't want to become a doctor, he worked hard to achieve it for his parents, who were against him playing guitar. But he convinced them that it will never come in the way of their dream to see their son as a doctor. They agreed, and he never spoke a word that how much passionate he was for his music because his parents’ dream was more important.
Usually there is a saying that “if you are not happy with the work you do, you don't get good results”. After a month his result was out and he got a poor rank. He was dejected and his parents were also worried about his future. They told him to try for another chance next year and he had no other choice, but to try his luck next year.
He got again very busy with his exam preparation. I had completed my 11th class and stepped into my 12th. Our meetings became rare. During this time his mother got to know about our relationship, so we used to meet only thrice a month. But we continued talking on the phone at late nights and this did not make any difference in our relationship. A year went like a month. The time for AIPMT exam came again and it was on 3rd May, 2015. He was very perturbed. I was on summer vacation and hence I went along with him to the exam centre.
We reached the centre half an hour early and gate of the college found to be closed, so we stood outside the gate and waited for entry time. I saw sweat rolling over his head. In spite of the windy weather he was sweating so much because of the nervousness.
“Don’t worry everything will be alright”, I said.
He replied “I do really hope so. Everything might go well, because it’s my last attempt. I don’t know what I will do if this attempt also goes in vain.”
I tried to calm down him, “think positive Mohit, don’t stress.”
The voices in the crowd became more louder. The gate was opened and Mohit got anxious and said “bye” and started walking hurriedly towards the gate. I followed him and grabbed his hand, and said, “hey I love you!” he smiled and said “I love you too.” I wished him best of luck and he went invisible in the crowd.
I was back to home and kept thinking about him. It was 1pm, I thought, his exam must have been over, I called him on his phone. But he didn’t receive it. He might be on his way to home. He called me after half an hour. “Hello, “hey how was your exam?” I asked. “It was good’’, he said, he seemed to be happy and I too felt happy for him.
After some days, on May 22nd, 2015 I was watching news with my father in the evening. In the news the Supreme Court indicated that it may, if necessary, cancel the All-India Pre-Medical Test over allegations of leaks and other irregularities. I felt really bad about this news.
I was worried about him. I called him to tell the news as I thought he was worried about the cancellation of exams. All I could say to him that not to worry as still decision has been pending regarding it. But he already knew about it. Days went by and he forgot about it. We further started meeting until June 15th. It was declared that the previous exam was cancelled and another exam will be conducted in 4 weeks. He was shattered and he didn’t even touched his books after his exams got over, how he is going to manage the revision in just 4 weeks. In any case he had to give the exam.
We stopped meeting for a month and even lessen our talk over phone. Our conversation usually last for 10 minutes or so. In those 10 minutes he talked about how stressed and suffocated he was in his own house. His parents were doing everything for him to avoid any distractions in his preparations. They always talked about his exams. He was always into books as if he was caged in his house.
At last his exam date arrived again this time his father dropped him to the exam center and hence I could not accompany with him. I could only wish him over phone which only lasted for 2 minutes. After the exam he called me and said that it wasn't good and don't know what will happen when the result will come out.
The result was declared after a month. When we both were in the park, one of his friends called him and asked about his result. He checked result on phone. Alas! the rank was poor as what was he scared of.
He cried, “this year also I will not be able to get into a good medical college, how will I face my parents, I can't do this anymore. I am tired, I am really tired, I can't waste my entire year again.”
He looked very sad and even could not spell a word. I said, “will you please relax, it’s fine, you can convince your parents that you don’t want to do this. You tried your best you did what your parents wanted to do for 2 years. I know they will understand your efforts and will let you do what you really want to do.”
There was too much crowd at park that day and he was not listening to me he was lost in his own thoughts looking at the ground.
I nudged him, “Mohit, are you even listening to me?” he just looked at me and said, “I don’t know, let us go somewhere else.”
I said, “ok, let’s sit on the bench outside the park.”
We stood and I was holding his hand. We went to the bench outside the park, which is in front of the dairy and sat there.
“What will I do now?” Mohit said.
“Convince your parents that you don’t want to do this.” I said.
He said, “I can’t, I let down my parents, I embarrassed them, they have done so much for me and I can’t even fulfill their one wish. I don’t deserve to live.”
I was shocked to hear all this from him. He used to be a fun loving guy who lived his each day fully and I couldn’t believe what all he was saying.
“Why are you thinking like that, it’s not something that you didn’t even tried. You at least tried, but if you were not able to succeed maybe because you are supposed to do something else, may be music”, I said.
He started crying. I hugged him and consoled him. But I too can’t stop my feeling and started crying. He stopped crying and said, “Ok, I will try to convince my parents this time” and kissed on my forehead. “Are you happy now?”, he asked.
“I am happy only if you are happy.”
“I am happy”, he said and hugged me again.
He was looking at the dairy. A truck was transferring milk packets from the truck to dairy.
“What are you looking at”, I said.
“You know, I saw you at that dairy for the first time with Sneha. I got excited to see the “girl with the guitar” and was desperate to meet her. And now that girl is sitting beside me holding my hands.”
I couldn’t say anything and just smiled. He looked at me and then looked away, but still tears rolling down from his eyes.
He said, “you see that ice-cream parlor? Do you want to have some ice cream?”
I thought finally he seemed to be happy. I said, “sure.”
He asked, “Ok which one? Chocolate?”
I said, “yes.” Then he said, “ok, I shall bring it for you” and walked towards the road.
He again looked at that truck. The truck got started and to speed up. I screamed, “be careful of that truck.” He stopped there looked at me and smiled.
I smiled back, ‘’wait for that truck to pass. These truck drivers are very dangerous.’’ I said.
He stood there and smiled at me, but when the truck got speed up, he moved forward and jumped in front of the truck that even the truck driver could not put on break. The truck rolled over his body and had gone away without stopping. His whole body was crushed nobody was nearby. I screamed for help. People in the park saw it and came running I was not able to see his bruised body. Somebody called the ambulance and the body was taken by the ambulance and he was taken to the nearby hospital. I ran to his house and knocked the door. His mother opened the door and asked me, “why you are breathing so heavily? Are you OK?, everything alright? why you run?”
I cried, “aunty, Mohit is hit by a truck.”
She lost her balance and asked “What? When?”
I said, “right now.”
She took her phone and called his husband and said, “please come home fast, Mohit met with an accident.”
She sat on her sofa and cried. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I could not stop myself from telling the truth. I said, “it was not an accident.”
She looked at me, “what are you saying? you said a truck hit him?”
“Yes, you heard me right, but he consciously jumped in front of the truck and wanted to end his life.”
While weeping she asked me, “why should he want to end his life? He can’t do that”, she cried.
I was going to explain, suddenly his father came to the house and we all rushed to the hospital. The doctor who was treating him told us that Mohit is in the ICU. After an hour doctor told us that he is no more. His parents cried, even I couldn’t stop my tears.
His father came to me and asked, “how it happened?”
I told him about our last conversation. “His AIPMT Result declared today. He didn’t get a good rank and he was shattered. He was not able to face you and he wanted to end his life throughout our conversation he had his eyes hooked on the truck. I tried to make him convincing and I thought I was successful, but he was planning his suicide in his mind.”
He cried, Mohit should have at least talked to us about it, shouldn’t have ended his life like this. After Mohit’s death, his younger sister was the only hope for his parents. And they decided that they will never force her for anything and let her do whatever she wants to do in her life.
For me, it has been a year of bonding between us and those memories are still with me. I go to that park with my guitar every day in the evening and sit on the same bench we used to sit and play the songs he used to love as well as, those songs we used to play together. I still feel his presence with me. “The girl with the guitar” still long for her “boy with the guitar. “