Haunt.

We all have our own ways of making peace with the fate that’s thrust upon us.

Dear Jim,

I remember the day you first told me you loved me. I couldn’t stop smiling the whole day. It had been one of the best days of my life. My darling Jim, always so sweet, so caring. After two years you asked me to marry you. I couldn’t believe my stars that someone as incredible as you would want to spend the rest of their life with me. I had always been crazy about you ever since we first met in high school. I could have cried that day out of joy. And then I got to know that I was going to be a mother ! A mother Jim ! I wasn’t sure if I could’ve handled so much happiness at once. I felt complete, like my life had been woven together with yours and nothing else would go wrong.

I remember thinking about how pretty our baby would be and how it would’ve your eyes. You’ve always had the loveliest eyes in the world Jim. I used to obsess over what clothes it would wear, how its room would look like and how we would go on picnics together and I would be ecstatic on hearing someone call you ‘dada’. My world started revolving around it.

I remember you waiting outside the hospital room. You looked so tensed Jim! One would have thought you were the one with the baby inside your stomach. You look really ugly when you frown you know. The doctor came in .After that I don’t remember much because of the anesthesia.

I saw him when you took me back home. He was the cutest and the most adorable thing I’d ever seen. He did have your eyes.I fell in love with him the moment I set my eyes upon him. I decided that we would call him Harry. You didn’t seem very happy with it. That look on your face puzzled me. I couldn’t place it. As the days passed by I realized you were jealous ! The more I spent time with him the more grumpy you started to get.

At first I waved it off thinking you would grow out of it . Later I realized it was getting out of hand. Even the mere mention of his name would make you furious. I couldn’t understand. It was our baby Jim ! The one we’d so lovingly dreamt about ,who was supposed to complete our lives. It broke me. I would spend all day crying in a corner of the room after a fight.

However , I finally decided to take matters into my hands. I started keeping him away from you. I started hiding a son from his own father ! You were the love of my life Jim! But he was my son and I decided I would never let any harm come to him no matter what .You seemed happier. You even smiled at me one day after what had seemed like ages. I knew this couldn’t go on for long.

I remember that afternoon. I was sleeping with Harry cradled in my arms. I’d read him his favorite story .You threw open the door and came furiously into the room .You snatched Harry from my hands and ran out of the room like a madman. Oh! How much I screamed and begged after you. I begged you for mercy. But you had the Devil in your eyes Jim. I kept banging the locked door long after you’d gone .I could hear Harry’s heart wrenching cries. How I wished you’d come to your senses! I was distraught.

After what seemed like a while, there was complete silence and you finally opened the door. Your hands were bloodied and Harry was no where to be seen. NO! I ran out screaming for my baby.Anywhere. I looked under the bed. It was his favorite hiding place . I knew he’d come out and say “boo!”. He never came. I kept calling out his name for a long time. He never responded. What had you done to him!

Your face was a curious mixture of relief and grief at the same time. It scared me Jim. For the first time in my life I was scared of you. I knew you were not yourself. But I did not know how to bring back the Jim I knew loved me. That was the final blow. I realized there was nothing left in my life.

I will not apologize for any grief my death may cause you. If anyone, it is you who is responsible for both our lives. Even though I've always loved you and still do despite all that has come to be , I will never forgive you for what you've done. I hope you burn in your own living hell without us.

Yours,

Della.

Jim had read and reread the letter for the past seventeen years. Every single word  still continued to haunt him like it was yesterday. The look on his Del’s face, when he’d brought her ,her dead baby in the hospital. He had known he’d lost her that day.