You've never let anything bother you, let alone people. You've always taken things as a part of life. You feel your purpose is growth. Growth of emotions, humanity and the world.
But do life changing events which prompt growth happen overnight? If they did maybe you wouldn't have a lifespan as much as 70-80 years.
Do all people have the same capabilities, strengths and weaknesses?
If they did, it would've defeated the purpose of living.
But then, why is dynamism such a bad thing? Why should the pace be defined?
Different people have different ways of dealing with things. There isn't a benchmark response that they have to match upto. Everyone is troubled. Everyone has problems. Some have additional baggage. Every problem has a solution but you know there's a difference between a problem and a traumatic experience. You get over your problems because there is a set solution. Traumatic experiences don't need getting over. They need healing. And everyone has a pace to heal, they want the healing process to be as comfortable for them as possible. When there's a mix of problems and trauma, it never works well for the person or for those around.
People don't cling to the past but some things change the outlook on life and then going back to what it was before doesn't seem possible. You've always been cynical.
But you weren't always anxious or fearful.
Sleeping disorders, self blaming and self preservation puts you in a state of mind which is the lowest. All this interrupts your daily life and affects it in the worst way possible. And it is not really easy to get it all back together again once you really go there. It is difficult to rise especially when you trust people enough and they betray you. Your loved ones get upset. They leave you alone to figure it out and then want to come back when you're all good.
Being selfless never pays but it's the same with being selfish. They put their expectations on you without you knowing they had them. They think you'd be good in some days or some months. What if it doesn't happen?
You try to live up to their expectations. But you can't keep pushing yourself to do something you can't.
So you end it. Because it was so hard on the other person. Being around you.
If they can't stay to see you at the worst, they don't deserve your best. You set them free. Let them go. To find their positivity and happiness. Maybe they'd get it sooner than you. But you'd get yours eventually too.