By Abha Shatarupa
Dt. 02/08/2015
It has been raining since morning. I was stretching outside your home, a sweet and warm abode when the pretty little droplets touched my tired body. A good night’s sleep is a farfetched dream when I have to sprint all night in search of a safe haven. Whatever, mornings call for a rise, so here I am. Ohh no, the drops re getting thicker and I am running hither and thither, passing by your doors each time expecting somebody to respond to my unspoken call. But why would anybody???
My story unfolds on the day I was born, like all. A soft, furry shed was awaiting me, a known shelter, a cozy feeling. The moment I landed, she was a wave of familiarity personified. I was beneath her, safe, secure, serene and sound. All I knew was this occupancy was the world, my world, where I can be carefree and loved, beyond periphery. Little did I know that these moments I cherished would be the only moments I will miss throughout.
Growing out of my baby shell, I was curious to explore all the other planets that were slowly but obviously, showing themselves. I walked by and by, through all the lanes that presented themselves. I nearly got a neck sprain when I tried to gauge the magnificence of the planets on both the sides. I further got to know that they are your ‘homes’. Somewhere along, the word was nostalgic. Home, love, security were all the same to me. I entered one of them, and found one of you. Swaying ahead with a bust of confidence, I rightfully pushed myself beneath you, a home comeback emotion hovering over me. Time freezed.
But time was faster the very next moment. Before I could reflex upon what had happened, I found myself back on the lanes with an ache on my body. “Home’ was swiftly closed and barred my further entry. A weird sensation ran through me. Was this pain, or yet another form of love?? Deciding to give another try. I entered the second. ‘You’ threw something on me. It tasted well. I was damn hungry so I turned to ask for one more, but ‘you’ were nowhere. Sighing deeply, I went over to the third where none of you were strolling around. So I rolled over, snatching some sleep and dreaming of my world. I missed her, badly enough.
Thus my days around my new ‘home’ initiated on a confusing note. As I started my search for love, a realization dawned on me. The world is bigger and weirder. What prevailed in it was beyond me. Expectations hurt. Sometimes, love is never returned. Still we live on. Homes did not feel homes, houses would be proper. I longed for the feeling. Some of you hated, liked, entertained, criticized and sympathized me. But I was yet to find if any of you loved me, the same way as your peers. I was snuggled and distantly cuddled, mimicked, pained and cursed intensely. I had lost my right to eat fresh, the offers went mostly rotten. My taste buds often revolted with my hungry stomach, the later winning each time.
As time passed by, I kept dragging along a cheerless existence. My search for ‘home’ landed me at a dilapidated hut. One of ‘you’ was crouching outside. The figure looked vaguely likely. Our eyes met. I was ready to take a stride away but then I was lifted and rounded by ‘your’ arms. Uncertainty still prevailed, but this time, on a far weaker note. I was carried into the hut and treated well. Two more of you tried to harm me but were fiercely backed off. I had found a mother who cared and a home which shared its laps with me.
Days and days went on happily. My mother had little to offer but the offerings were lovingly shared. My hunger pangs were no longer disturbing me. I was fed with love, care and respect. We became great pals. A biased throw of affiliation emerged within me for my mother, my friend. She cuddled me wherever she went. I loved travelling with her. She had a family too which was the old ‘you’, hating me for being there. Soon I realized that she was also being meted out the same treatment as me for holding me close. My merry catwalk was viewed as a sign of obstruction and a roar of happiness was an omen. In nutshell, I was a curse personified. So much I learnt from my mother when she talked to me and also the fact that these were not going to deter her from loving me. I felt strangely lucky.
I met with an accident one sunny morning. The pain was unbearable. Would I die?? Not yet. Mother was there at my side, assuring me and ensuring that I did not have to. She fought hard with all for bringing me home. Lying there, I studied a lot about her. She had nobody whom she could call for. Her family was not ‘her’ family. She was often beaten, strangled and estranged for nothing definite. What she was taking was mightier than mine. I was her pilot version. My sympathies waved at her. Yet, a hope was shaping that I would be back of my claws and we would live the world again. But somebody up there had other plans.
I found mother fatally injured one day. Blood was oozing out from every pore on her. She had stopped talking to me. My helpless purr would revive her. But no. She was covered and thrown. I never left her side and tore upon the shell to have a look at her. She was a carcass which no longer smiled and baby-talked. Whatever, I vowed never to leave her to this fate. And I had nobody to turn to. What I had gained from this world was immensely heartless. Nobody would stand by me unless I could return something. I bore nothing except an ocean of love my mother had gifted me, a love to love all which I could have happily sold for getting her back. But alas, there were no buyers. I was frantically thinking of calling for help as I feared never being able to see her again. However she was now, she belonged to me.
Today, though she is no more, she still lives there. Hence I never turned my back at her, staying on what used to be her when she was disposed there. Despite of being painfully tired, I feel closer to her than ever. I have been trying to reach her through my dreams for days. My eyes heavily closed and my thoughts traveled far and wide. There she was, waiting for me with stretched arms. I strode faster and finally mingled with her. I tried to purr to express. But my lips would not move. There was nothing to regret. I had found her finally and we would live again eternally in a world that needed no words to count. Peace pervaded.