"How do I keep him?"
"Keep a fair distance. That's the only way you can remain close."
They were right all along when they said that the middle is the safest zone for the both of us. I totally regret that I didn't listen. I should have been contented with what we had– a little doses of sweet and flirty messages, and a taste of forever served for just one night. As much as I want to deny it, the middle is the only place we can ever be, and sadly, I have gone beyond it all by myself.
I should have just disregarded the what-could-be's and all the daydreams of what lies beyond the unnamed 'ship' we had. I should have just stopped wishing for the good-night texts to become your soft snores, and for the good-morning messages to become your breaking-dawn kisses. I should have just write about you without making it so obvious.
I should have just shut my mouth and play Why Can't It Be on repeat whenever we're talking on the phone. I should have just confessed that I used to kiss strangers when I'm drunk, instead of drunk texting the feelings I have for you. I should have let my fear of falling dominated me and shrugged the hope that you might want to try it again, too... with me. I should have been too afraid to risk again.
But who wouldn't risk for you, anyway? I had known you were worth it. You were someone I'm ready to lose myself for. You were someone I'm willing to fight for.
And so I held on tight to the possibilities and neglected the impossibilities. I crossed the borderline way too far between the safezone and the unknown.
I told you I love you.
One day and all the sleepless nights after that,
I lost what we had.
I lost you.