I am immature

I'm a honest person. My honesty can hurt other people. I am numb to what other people feel. I am clueless to what is important. I am me and I am viewed as fake. I don't like to take care of other people. But I do when needed. Is that wrong to do? I would do everything for them if I know that its the right thing to do. But I don't want to do it if I can. But that doesn't mean I hate what I did for them I just don't like doing it. Am I wrong to do that? I am not sociable but I can socialize well if I needed to. There is no deep meaning behind my every word. If I said salute to man selling ricecakes it doesn't mean I'm being sarcastic or I am mocking him. I literally mean it that I salute that man for doing what is right. What do I mean? I salute him for doing his best, a hard work, a job with dignity. Rather than other people who resort to drugs etc.

Sometimes my words contradicts but I have an explanation to that. It always depend on the situation I will admit I'm wrong if I am.

All my life I was living for what is right and what is supposed to do/be. For the first time I manage to act like how any other teenager act, imature and spoiled without too much hardship. I enjoyed it thanks to my boyfriend but that didn't last long. As we talk I found out that I am no longer a teenager. He said I am immature. I am aware of that I'm enjoying it cause never in my life is I'm able to act like that. I tried to explain my point of view but to him I am still immature. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm always am? He said I need to change for both of us but I don't really know how. Cause the way on his ideal relationship falls, is for who I am before. Which he seen as immature. Now I'm at lost I've been living in a world where I need to do what is important before doing some detours. Which in our relationship where he loves to do his hobbies before anything else won't work. He would play when we get home from work. It's ok for me but at least change to regular clothes. He would chat with friends before cooking or while cooking. Ughhh what I'm trying to say is. We are so different, what we think are contradicting. How can I change how can I improve? How can I save this relationship being me and not being me. Goodbye me acting cute and childlike I enjoyed it. Hi me whose I don't know where you are but I hope I could find you. Soon.