I set out to read a book
I put my mind on it to evade the starting anxiety
I keep it here to feel okay
But still, it makes this heart break
I couldn't stop it
Yet there are no tears streaming out of these eyes
I feel my heart sinking into the heat
I can't bear these feelings yet again,
...don't rise
I try to fight
I burrow on the songs playing on the background
Wish as hard as I might
I return back my gaze on the book
There's a line I read
Caught me hanging from a thick thread
This inside, please I don't want to look
Burning up
Drying in
Stitches and creams
Cover up my wounds
Can't bear this anymore
The message came in
Anxiety subsided for a bit
Then suddenly I wanted to die, time tilt
Messages flooded in
Replied I did
Caught in dreaming and faking
Lost in reality
Present in fantasy
Cease the time
Pause the moment
Still, feelings breaking
Heart's drowning
Guilty as hell
Not chosen
Given a role
Anxiety still creeps in, consuming me inside
No one really understand
Walls built so high and thick
Could anyone hear the sobbing inside
Or the deafening silence?
Mixed up words
Jumbled letters
Frustrating statements
Confusing lines
There's no straight path to trudge on
Come away, come with me
Discouraged more
Naught, there's only barrenness
Not paradise to wonder, no awesomeness
I closed the book
Time to stand and lie to the world
Lie to myself
Say...
"I'm fine"