I actually hate it when someone asks me "do you miss him?"... yeah hate that fucking question. Ofcourse I miss him. Every single day I miss him more and more. It's like my heart isn't letting him go. It must let him go because I'm aching. When I wake up I think of him. When I'm doing something during the day, it doesn't even matter what, I think of him. When I go to sleep, I dream of him. And when I wake up, he's gone. The dream is over. They say when you dream of someone than it means that they think of you. Well than he must think a lot about me, because I see him in my dreams all. The. Time. I know it's probably silly to even mention anything about dreams, but to me they are intense. And I don't mean intense in a sexual way, but in an emotional way. When you are awake you can at least control your thoughts and snap yourself out of them. But when you are dreaming, you can't just snap out of it that easily. Sigmund Freud developed a theory about, dreaming. Freud called dreams the "royal road to the unconscious". He theorized that the content of dreams reflects the dreamer's unconscious mind and specifically that dream content is shaped by unconscious wish fulfillment. Freud hit the nail right on the head. I do think a lot about him, but when I want to sleep, I want to sleep. The other night I had this dream where I was sitting in a café and I was just chilling with my friends when suddenly a guy with a cap approaches me. At first I was like "uh, can I help you?", but then he removed his ridiculous cap and I saw that it was him. He hugged me so tight and was whispering such sweet words in my ear. In that dream I literally said to myself "please don't let this be a dream", and yeah I woke up... My heart just broke, all over again.
Like I said, when I'm sleeping, I want to sleep. I want to, at least, escape him in my dreams. But it seems like I can't even do that. My dreams consists of him, and only him. Maybe this is absolutely crazy and insane, but I wish that I couldn't dream at all.