I Don't Fall In Love
When I was a kid I love watching Disney movies, then the only commonalities that these movies have is that certain line; "And They Live Happily Ever After". Then I got to question myself, "is it true?" after you love, you'll eventually just "live happily ever after"? Or maybe not? Because as I grow older, naivety about love was never an excuse for me to be dumb about the real idea of it. I don't love; love in the most romantic and poetic way. Because to be honest, the idea of "butterflies in my stomach" or the "rapid heartbeats" are way too cliche to be used just to define love. Because I know, love isn't about that. I don't fall in love, not because I can't be faithful, loyal, understanding and loving. I don't fall in love, because I don't feel it - the love. That thing, that emotion and feeling just don't exist within me. I don't love in the most romantic and poetic way in which I don't claim to myself that I'm in love just because of those butterflies and rapid heartbeats. Neither because of the feeling of being comfortable with someone nor being able to find someone you're compatible with. That's not how love works.
I Won't Fall In Love
At my teenage life, I got fond of reading Nicholas Sparks' novels. Romantic novels such as: The Notebook, Dear John, Safe Haven, The Choice, Message in a Bottle, etc. Inclined with these novels, the main characters still have their very own commonalities. There's always this part that they hurt each other, "for the sake of love"? well, actually I don't know. But the only thing I'm sure of, is they all get hurt. I won't fall in love, not because I'm afraid of getting hurt, rejected, being replaced or not being able to be loved back. No. Because getting hurt is part of our life, as humans, and we all get rejected. Also, everything is replaceable in this world, and the fact that not everyone we love will love us back, right? I won't love; love with the most magical and metaphorical idea. Because I just know that, behind every page that these novels have, and between every sweet word and line that these characters spill out, there's still this dark chapter that every reader wouldn't want to re-read. And for me, love will never be a valid reason to re-read that dark chapter over and over again. I won't love with the most magical and metaphorical idea. Because after I've read every dark chapter, the characters just instantly-still got the chance to love. And that is way too magical, and metaphorical in a way that, that thing doesn't exist in real life. Like, let us be realistic and not be deceived by the good and happy endings that these novels have. Because love in the real world is not the same love we read in the book world.
I Can't Fall In Love
At my present life, I'm fine; still not loving. I can't love, because love itself hasn't found me yet. So, how can I love, if it hasn't found me yet, and I, myself couldn't even find it? I can't fall in love because I'm an apathetic. An emotionless human who don't, won't, and can't love. No matter how hard I tried, I still end up like this. Lingering every numb bone I have, caressing every anoxic valve in my heart, and encompassing every single area where I can or might find it. But I can't have it, I can't find it, I can't feel it. I just can't. I can't fall in love romantically, poetically, magically, and metaphorically. I just can't incorporate love in me, within my system. I can't imagine the idea of it, I can't conceive myself foolishly falling in it. Like, I can't even define it - love. So how will I be able to fall in love?