You loved me first, not emotionally, but verbally if that is possible.
When you out of the blue told me for the first time 'you love me,' I asked you "Why did you say it?" You answered, "because it's sweet." When I found out you never truly understood what "dupilon" (Bicol word) means, I asked you "Then why are you even saying it?" You answered, "because it's nice to say." You see, some words come out of your mouth naturally without valid reasons. You merely wanted to say it. You liked uttering such things. You loved how sweet your words tasted. Like honey, you marinated your lips with it.
You loved me first.
You're the one who pulled me right into this mess but why am I the only one stuck here? Why am I all alone? You loved me first but why am I the last to go?
I lost count of the times I pleaded you to bid me good night before you go to sleep because nobody likes to wait for a reply from a sleeping person. You agreed but you only did it once. You always fell asleep in the middle of our conversation. Am I nothing to you? Don't you respect my time? How could you do that?
So when you told me for the following days that you love me for real and that you're being serious, I just couldn't bring myself to believe you. And I never did. You can't even prove the credibility of your small words, what's more of the big and heavy ones?
Usually, people introduce songs, old or new, to people that they've just met. But you introduced bands to me which is sure hell much difficult to move on from.
How do I get you off my mind when I remember you every time I hear any of Coldplay's songs? Or Green Day? Or Owl City? How do I forget your voice when your ghost hides beneath Chris Martin's? How do I delete your memories when I see my guitar painted with bursting colors and a line from a song written on it saying 'you're a sky full of stars'?
Right, stars.
How do I look at the stars again at night when all I could think of is how much you love astronomy?
This isn't good to say but I hope my absence haunts you in every way possible. I hope you see me in people wearing eyeglasses, or in girls with long hair, or in those who love writing poems, or in artists who do portraits, or at least in the songs you once sang to me.
I wish.. I'm not just someone you can easily remove from your system. I sincerely wish I was able to bury my roots deep in your castle. I wish I don't occupy the same space in your heart with the girl you had one night stand with on the first time you met.
Still, somehow, a part of me also hopes you remember me when you see a baby because that's what you used to call me when we still had each other. Somehow, I'm hoping I cross your mind when you finally lie in your bed after a restless day of hard work because we usually talk around that time. Somehow, I'm hoping you think of me when you see an owl and how I suddenly craved for it after I found your moving Mythical Owl or King Crown, you call it, cute.
I miss you so much. But I don't want you back.
Imagine how destroyed I would be had I made you the missing jigsaw puzzle piece that I've been looking for my whole life to complete me.
I'm glad I didn't.