Today, I paid someone to lie to me.
I paid a stranger to tell me I would travel the whole world. He said that the lines on my palm told him I would go to these amazing places I put in my vision board. He said he could see the maps I'd be holding while I'm in different plane trips. He said I would take pictures of my feet in foreign streets and of my hands in front of famous buildings. I almost believed him but he didn't mention the only place I badly wanted to be in right now. Who cares about travelling the whole world when I don't have a home to return to? But still, I believe him, anyway. I am a traveller. I have a home.
I paid a stranger to tell me I am lucky. He told me he could see the financial abundance in the mole of my right hand. He said it is alive and I got to grip harder. He said I will never run out of money; that it will be there whenever I needed it the most. I almost believed him but where's money when my lover was in the hospital bed? Where's that luck when I couldn't afford another life for him? But still, I believe him, anyway. I am lucky. I have money.
I paid a stranger to tell me that the last person who hurt me will come back. He asked me if I am willing to accept this person again. The only answer I gave was a smile. I would have told the stranger that I still sleep on the left side of the bed; that I still prepare two plates and two pairs of utensils; that I still play Come On Get Higher on repeat every night; that I kept on coming back to that big old tree where we first met. He knew my smile meant yes, but he also saw the no in it. This stranger knew I was hesitant to believe that my last lover will return, and so he told me instead that he can make a new lover come. He had this grain of rice in his fingers and he used it to mark one of the lines on my palm. He said this new love will never leave me; that this is stronger, more persistent, and will last for a lifetime. I wish he told me the new one's going to be healthier, but nevermind. I still believe him, anyway. I will never be alone anymore.
Today, I paid someone to lie to me and it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever done. I was so stupid, hopeless and so desperate to give a one hundred bill to a stranger in the sidewalk who calls himself a palm reader; a potential fraud 'fortune teller'. But I wanted so bad to believe everything he said. I never knew believing a lie once in a while could be one of the best times of my life. I never knew paying someone to lie to me could save me from breaking down.
Although it comes with a price, I never knew hope feels this good.