I remember the day I saw you
Not the day I laid my eyes on you
Nor the day we got introduced to one another
Also not that one time we shared our first laugh
Not even when we danced to our favorite song
Those times meant nothing to me
They were nothing but the surface of your being
But I remember the day I saw you
You were lost
You were crying yourself to sleep at 2AM
And you feel like no one's got your back
That you feel like your life has got no meaning
That you're just a waste of space
You feel like you would die and it wouldn't make any difference
That no one would actually mind your absence
That no one would care
But I did
I care
A lot
And you wouldn't know that
Because you were too busy cutting your own skin like paper
You were too occupied on being angry by your mere existence
On overthinking
On hurting yourself
On being too hard on yourself
Because you just don't feel like you deserve to be happy
And you got so used to hurting that being happy feels so foreign
So out of place
That you'd rather hurt yourself
Because that's the only thing you've felt for the longest time
And being in more pain doesn't make much of a difference
You'd rather feel the pain
The hurt
The torture
Just so you'll feel something
Because you've been numb for so long
You'd rather cry
And weep
And scream
Just so you can save yourself
Because you thought it will all be over soon
And you thought wrong
When you slept with a tear-stained pillow
And woke up with a tired heart
With the same pillow
But fresh tears
And these tears never stop rolling down your cheeks
Like an uncontrollable tidal wave until late at night
Where it's 3AM and you have to cry silently
Because crying out loud requires too much energy
And you know no one would save you anyway so you didn't bother
And then you wake up again, wishing you never did
It was a toxic cycle with no end to it
It's not just a phase
It would not end after a couple of tears
It would not be over
Because pain and suffering is infinite
But your determination and will to live is always at the edge of the cliff
And you were always tempted to jump
I remember that day
It was the same day I heard your cries for help
It was the day I wiped your tears and talked to you until you slept
It was the day I can see through your sad smiles
The day I saw you wasn't the day I knew your name
Nor when you knew mine
It was that glorious day that I saw you like nobody else did
It was the day I met your soul
And I remember every second of it
Even until you decided to give into temptation
And jumped.