I SET YOU FREE

My day wouldn't end without writing these words "I am free". A lot of people yearn for their freedom, fight for it, die for it. And here I am, wondering why I'm disturbed when you tell me those words.

I only wanted to have a friend when I agree to be yours. Because right now, I'm very certain about what I wanted to do in my life. My priorities are set and until I achieved all of them, I'm not going to stop.  Distraction has no space in my life. All I could allow on board are useful pieces and sources of inspiration. So I allow you to be part of my world.

But we were on a completely different page. Aside from a permanent company, you wanted a serious relationship. You are ready to commit spending a lifetime, even to a stranger like me. Little did I know, from our daily conversations, you're already concocting a future with me. And each day that passes by, you're learning to be with me just grew stronger.

I wasn't to be blamed. I was very clear from the start that I'm not ready. I knew I should have been long time ago. I am at the right age. I am available. I am not obligated to my family. I have nothing to worry about expect the realization of my ambitions.

And you were ready to compromise. You were ready to wait for me. You were ready to be my second option. You were ready to everything I want just to be with me. You were ready expect for one thing, my disapproval of your proposal.

Was it wrong for me to say no? I don't know. You see I prayed for a man like you. A man who would directly want to be my husband without becoming my boyfriend. A man who would understand me, accept, and love me for who I am. But I don't know when you came, I just don't feel in my heart that I'm ready to have you. I tried to think about it and my feelings are constant.

So when you told me that you are setting me free, I was astounded. Firstly I was never yours to set free. But when I heard you say it, you made me feel how serious you are about wanting to be committed. You also made me see how much you respected my decision. You didn't want to insist yourself anymore to me.

So I'm free. I've always been free. But thank you for making me realize it just now. I guess that's why I have to meet you. I hope you find her soon. I hope she loves you the way you deserve to be love. As for me, I hope that when I'm really ready, your next version will come. And that time, I won't have any hesitation anymore.