I once believed that of all the naughty boys and indecent men, there is one who will not hurt me.
That when they are hiding behind the excuse “promises are meant to be broken”; a man will stand up and prove to me that it is meant to be fulfilled.
That when I was dumb enough to chase after bad boys, thinking about that character in the book I read, that someone will be there to save me.
You.
I always thought that you are the kind of man I will want to marry.
That you will the basis of my dreams, the standards of my love.
But Dad, why is it that every time I look at you, I see the nightmare I want to escape from?
Aren’t you the king of this lost princess? The knight of this troubled girl?
The one in her behind shall look; the mightiest hero of her book?
Of all the names I could have called you, why did you choose to be called my monster? That disturbed drunken selfish monster.
That monster which turned my happiest dreams into my most terrifying nightmares. You have hurt me so much; you have hurt my sisters and brother. You hurt our Mom, our Mom who did all she can to change you and yet you hurt her in return. How could you live with that? How could you linger in those bottles all day long while we are left in the corner yearning for a father’s affection?
You may have never hurt us physically but you brutally murdered our mind and heart. Each night we went home seeing how drunk you are- those screams, those hurtful words and fights with our Mom. Nights that we would go outside hoping to find you sooner because I have a school tomorrow but when we found you with those girls I regret that we did.
Those days you would make us feel you are so tired of taking care of us. Those days we don’t know what to do because our money for our school was gone. Those days you kept on telling us you wish you were dead.
Those days when you used to love us.
When we would wash our clothes with our feet.
When we would watch a movie and laugh as loud as we can.
When we would eat outside our house while Mom is cooking barbeque.
Those days when you were still my dream.
What happened, Dad?
I thought you will be my hero but I never knew you were the one that needed the saving.