“Throw me my keys” I yelled at you
And over and over you would tell me to come to my senses
And stay in your arms
You manipulated me, harmed me,
Tried to copulate with my darkest fears, in my presence
You made my subconscious your home and stayed there
And you have the guts to invite me,
“Let’s see your darkest fears
While we together sleep”
My wounds were too deep, and yet I agreed,
For being alone was too dark indeed
And now I stand before the door,
Asking you for the keys, so I could leave
My head, your embrace, and their curses for good
I don’t know what your mind games are about
But, for my own sake, please, let me the hell out
You whispered these fears in my head
And this week, from all the thinking,
The walls inside my head were blood red
I tend to believe you painted them so
When I was going fishing in my sea of ambitions
But sometimes I’m conditioned to think that
The walls shrieked with agony and pain
As their disdain for my endless complaints
And your tireless tricks
Have flicked a secret switch
Inside the sentient walls
Making them turn from a happy and calm blue
To a crimson of suffering and gloom
I will not rest; I could go on and on
Like it or not, at one point you or I will be gone
Yes, one of us will leave this room in my head
And one day I’ll make you, not a thing I’ll regret
I want only calm, some cash, and no clout
I want only one thing, you hear? I want out!
You sought the spotlights, thinking that’s your form
Of self-love, and thought that’s what you seek the stage for again
Crowds screaming out their brains
For the energy you display
And such claims are in vain, for you hate yourself
In so many ways
You gaze at the reflective glass
You inspect your appearance, and ask,
“Why do I get the feeling
That my flawed appearance
Thrusts people away?”
And every time I would tell you
“No one’s even that focused
Leave your worries behind
For I do remind you that you’re okay”
And you would yell back
Of how you’re not given back
The slightest pack of care
That you once gave another
You think not of any other possibility
You think not that your companions hate you not
You think not that your family hates you not
You think not that fate looks upon you
And disdains you not
You are not less than adequate
For you, a seat among the nobles is reserved
You are pure, and not naïve
You, by such a planet, are undeserved
You are too good for this world
Or so you heard, which as of yet I believe
I have to leave you, I’ve tried to assist
And yet you drive me insane and insist
On consuming me with your disheartening expectations
Of what I need, what I want, and I what I’ll be
Until your embrace feels no longer this cold
And until I can tolerate you as I grow old
Until you have faith that you are loved,
Appreciated, and with no doubt safe
Until you learn who all these blessings are for
I’ll be out, and fear not, for I’ll be back once more