Would someone tell me how to stop something you love doing? Because I don't want to but... I feel like I need to.
Tell me. Help me, please.
I know it's hilarious to even write all of this in the first place. Me? Wanting to stop writing but here I am still typing? Stupid, I know.
I really need to stop writing because it already scares me. My sanity is in critical condition and I don't want to end up with a cold feet inside this warm room.
I have to stop writing because I want to stop hurting. Do you also do that? Writing while hurting? Am I not alone? If not, then let's stop writing. I mean, yeah, hurting. Fine.
See how mighty writers are? They can create masterpieces you'll fall in love with then you copy and paste them because you like to share their relatable words... but behind those wonderful and grand art is the pain they've gone through again and again just to produce the best literature every time their mind is overflowing with ideas. No. Not ideas. It's emotions. Happines... with pain. Laughters... with tears. Hello... with goodbye.
So I want to stop writing. I don't want to be mighty anymore. I don't want to be brave anymore. I don't want to keep on reliving every heartbreaking scene like I have some time-travelling powers. I don't want to feel the same pain of stabbing me with those invisible knives by heartless people. I don't want to cry again like how I endlessly did each time my heart couldn't bear the longing. I don't want to get hurt anymore.
But the irony of life will always dawn on me. I still want to write because it also makes me happy despite the pain. I still want to write because it fuels my soul despite the emptiness. I still want to write because he inspires me despite of breaking my heart all the damn time.
And after writing something out from the tangled strings of feelings, I smile. I feel proud. I feel relieved. Because somehow, I conquered pain and created something beautiful out from a nightmare. Because with every hurt, I still see joy. Because with every sadness, I still see happiness. Because with every flaw, I still see perfection. Because with every heartbreak, I still see hope. Hope that one day, all I have to write is all about how it feels like to be in cloud nine.
But I still want to stop writing... for now.