If This is What You Want

Did you feel like crying every time you feel so useless? It's when you can't feel anything except pain and sadness; when you taste the bitterness that makes you forget the meaning of happiness. Why is that? Why do we feel that way?

Is it bad to say that I feel useless when that is the reality of my feelings? Am I making drama if I say that? 

I want to share a story about why I hated friendship. I want to share it with you but you'll never listen. You'll never listen just like them. They let go. They pushed me to go and I ended up being alone.

Solitude? Yeah, I used to it.

I hated friendship because of betrayals. I hated friendship because, in the end, no one really cares. Why would they care about me, right? I'm useless.

I am a trash.

They will stay if and only if they can get something in me. When the time comes, I can't offer anything, they'll leave.

That's how people go.

That's why I hated attention.
That's why I hate when I get this close feeling with someone. I ended up suffocating that person and I, myself.

I tend to be scared because they can easily hurt me and break my tight walls just like what happened seven years ago.

That time, I want to end everything.

Everyone thinks that I am strong—that I am happy. Aren't they see what I feel? Not really.

Just because they saw that I am strong, no one dares to ask what I feel. No one dares to ask whether I am okay or not.

No one truly cares. People who care about me dies or just plainly leave me. Maybe, I'm a piece of additional luggage to carry or a heavy burden to be load at their back.

None of them was there to stay. It was just me and myself. It was me, I and myself.

Ain't it funny?
I should feel nothing today.
I used to this feeling, right?
The feeling that no one cares...

If they asked me to leave, I'll surely do it.
You just need to tell me whether I will have to go
And I will leave you as easy as 1 2 3.

People are like that,
they pushed me until I leave.

I wish in time, they'll never regret that.
I'm tired of apologizing about my existence!
I'm tired of being hurt as they play my feelings.

Human, if you wanted me to leave, just tell me. You don't have to be rude!