Narratives of a Pushover

To start this essay, I want to admit I am guilty with everything including how the world treated me and how my family does too. It's all because of me. It's all because of my actions. I let them do this.

As a disclaimer, this narrative isn't organized and I just put everything I think of at this moment including the title. Yes, I am a huge pushover.

At home
I paid for everything. Name it all, I paid for it. If someone will ask for skin care, just name it, I'll buy one. If someone asked for things or for food, I'll buy it. I know I did it for love but as five long years passed, I think of it as an obligation. Yes, some who'll read this will judge me as if I am ungrateful or something but this is what a pushover feels. Someone who will fulfill every request as if it is a command out of obligation. I am a pushover who never say no.

At work
Send every piece of work you don't want to our "Yes girl" such as pushover won't ask twice and make the work done even if it isn't her work. Send this to her, she'll do that even in vacation dates. Just don't forget to scold her if she did it wrong since you don't explain it well and even if you are the one who will suppose to do so. Just abuse her kindness since she said yes to everything even if she is near collapsing.

Point of view of the pushover
I am afraid I will hurt other people. Of course, I might still hurt them unknowingly. I am not a perfect pushover. I earn money and work to the bones. I have things I want to buy but delayed it since I am a pushover. At times, I want to speak because of the injustices I experience but I am afraid of judgement and disturbing peace. I am so envious of people with strong personalities who can say what they want to say without being afraid of judgement. I envy those who can voice out their thoughts unlike me who keep everything until my heart is heavy. At the moment, it is really heavy. All I can do is cry later when I go to bed because I can't show this to anyone.

I am a total pushover.