There are infinite ways of unloving you, mahal
There should be one out of that infinity that would make me unlove you
Because each waking hour, mahal
Consists of reliving beautiful memories,
Consists of slow fades of fights and anger
But always ends in blurs of loving kisses and hugs that make it all better.
I hate the infinity of possibilities of forgetting you, mahal
Because that includes the possibility of regretting you
And I would hate to regret you,
Because fuck that, mahal
You made those hazel eyes and heartbeats of your heart my home.
You took it away,
You took you away.
I never wanted to be your obligation but if it would make you stay,
Make me one again.
Make me matter to you again.
It doesn't even matter if I paid and begged for it.
Because no matter how many times you demolish these four walls of my house,
You still feel like my home.
I still feel all of the thousands of 'I love you's',
It still feels like I would never stop loving you.
So now mahal,
I am imprisoned in an ugly version of us.
With no freedom in sight and questioning love.
There is an infinite way of forgetting this pain,
But if I forget the pain then I would have to forget you,
And that is something I am not prepared to give to you.
You left, mahal
But you stayed in my heart.
You left and yet you lived in my most battered part.
I hope to cross the line of forgetting you soon.
I hope to cross that line very late and drunk
And hopefully mahal,
A little bit more in love with myself and not with you anymore.
I grew up believing that happy endings come easily,
Because you made it sound like forever is true and always merry,
But I keep forgetting we're not in a Disney movie
So now I'm only living in a dream where I am hoping to God you are happy.