I am not the type of person you can look up to. But I can tell you a thing or two about life. You might have already experienced it, but let me tell you this:
It gets better. What seems impossible, something of another world, is possible. The voice in your head, which tells you it is never going to be all right, is wrong. It will get better. Don't do something you won't be proud of in the future. Put down that blade. Keep those scissors back. It is not worth it. It will never be. Believe it or not at the present moment, but life will bring you some good memories. And these are the moments you should count. Remember them. The intensity of the moment, when you were laughing hard with your family or friends. Remember the exhilaration your heart felt. So put down that blade.
Life is a beautifully twisted and wicked maze. It will beat you up. It will show you wonderful and awful things. Learn. mature, apply. It will make you feel lost too. But hey, hold on.
It gets better. I promise.